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WWL Monday Night Action: 6/27/05

AllPowerfulGARTHPosted on 02/05/09 at 03:34:05

Don't get used to such frequent updates; this is just an unusually quick turnaround because I'm going to be out of town for the next week and a half.

A video package set to "The Hand That Feeds" by Nine Inch Nails shows us the highlights of last night's Licence to Kill pay-per-view event. Featured heavily in the reel are Shawn Michaels defeating Carlito Caribbean Cool in a hellacious steel cage match and Chris Jericho retaining the WWL World Heavyweight Title by the skin of his teeth in a triple threat match with Diamond Dallas Page and John Bradshaw Layfield. After that video package, our usual Monday Night Action package, set to "Action" by Powerman 5000, heralds in tonight's show.

GB: Good evening, WWL fans, and welcome to Monday Night Action! We're here live just one day removed from Licence to Kill, where we saw Chris Jericho once again held on to the WWL World Heavyweight Title! I'm Garth Bishop, here with my broadcast partner, the Honky Tonk Man!
HTM: Boy, it is tough to say what was the bigger story coming out of Licence to Kill, Chris Jericho's victory in the main event or the tremendous cage match between Shawn Michaels and Carlito!
GB: After that brutal match, I'll be surprised to see either of those men here tonight. But the same could be said of the competitors in the main event, and the same, I think, could also be said of Muhammad Hassan, Khosrow Daivari, the Sandman and the WWL Intercontinental Champion, Rhyno!
HTM: There are a lot of competitors a little worse for the wear after last night, I'm sure, but I expect we'll be seeing a lot of them here tonight as we head toward the 30-man, over-the-top-rope battle royal taking place July 31st at Thunderball!
GB: And indeed, we are to begin finding out right here tonight who will be in that endurance trial of a match! But that's not all. We'll also see the WWL Tag Team Champions, the Lords of the Dance, team up with Jamie Noble, the man who nearly became WWL Cruiserweight Champion last night, to face the Dudley Boyz and the WWL Cruiserweight Champion, Ultimo Dragon!
HTM: Not to mention Jake "The Snake" Roberts' guest on the Snake Pit tonight, the man who took the losing pinfall in last night's main event, John Bradshaw Layfield!

The countdown begins on the video monitor.

GB: And speaking of last night's main event...

After the counter winds down, "Break Down the Walls" cues up and WWL World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho makes his way down the entrance ramp, accompanied by Jerichoholics Anonymous and a chorus of boos. Once in the ring, Jericho instructs Lenny Lane to fetch him a microphone.

CJ: Ladies and gentlemen ... WELCOME! TO MONDAY ... NIGHT ... JERICHO!

The crowd boos even harder as Jericho adjusts the title belt on his shoulder and gloats.

CJ: Yes, once again, your hero, the Highlight of the Night, Y2J himself has overcome odds that would be insurmountable to any mere mortal and retained his WWL World Heavyweight Championship. Any other man would surely have folded in the face of a two-on-one title defense, but not the Ayatollah of Rock 'n Rollah! No, last night, I did what I always do when the odds are stacked against me! And what is that, Disco?
DI: Uh ... wear your lucky black socks?
CJ: No, you jackass! I mean sure, I admit, I was wearing my lucky black socks last night, but I assure each and every one of you fans that it was only because it was my last clean pair and not because I thought I needed any luck going into Licence to Kill! Though I do have to say that Jubble put up about as good a fight as anyone can hope to put up against a superstar of my amazing caliber, which isn't saying much, I hope that everyone has taken last night as a lesson. You see, once again, as has happened every time he has been in the ring with moi, that old, crippled, washed-up, ridiculous-hand-signal-giving Diamond Dennis has failed to deliver. Every chance Diamond Dennis has been given, he has failed to measure up to the brightest star in the WWL constellation. And every chance Diamond Dennis shall be given henceforth, he will fail even more resoundingly than he did the time before, until he reaches a level of overall failure so pathetic that he may very well fail to exist altogether.

The crowd is booing even harder than it was before.

CJ: Hey, It happens more often than you might think. Did you ever wonder what happened to Marty Jannetty?

Jericho glares at Disco and Lenny.

CJ: Laugh, you idiots!

Disco and Lenny fake-laugh in response to Jericho's lame joke.

CJ: But speaking of failures - and, now that I think of it, speaking of Marty Jannetty - I would be remiss if I didn't mention yet another failure. You see, last night, just mere moments before I stepped through the curtain to the wonder and amazement of everyone in that arena and all the saps watching at home because they were too poor to afford a ticket, I had an encounter with the Heartburn Kid, Shane Matthews. Now, I know you're thinking, "Chris, you devilishly handsome piece of man, you, didn't Shane Matthews win his match last night? How is he a failure?" Of course you would think that. You don't have the amazing cognitive capacities of Y2J. I would respond with mocking laughter, like so.

Jericho laughs mockingly.

CJ: And after I got done, I would tell you that yes, Shane Matthews was successful in winning his match last night. But did he not say that, after his victory, he would come forth to challenge me for ... my precious?

Jericho pets his title belt.

CJ: Unfortunately, after being beaten resoundingly in a steel cage last night, there's no way Shane Matthews could possibly have made it to the arena last night. He's probably still laid up in a hospital bed, cursing fate for not allowing him to be as spectacular as Y2J. And it's too bad, too. Because if Shane were here, I'd be glad to defend this World Heavyweight Title against him. But alas, luck is not in the cards, and thus, you people must do without seeing Y2J in action here this evening. Do be sure to register your displeasure with Shane Matthews. I'm sure he'll give you a very nice apology once he regains his mobility. Until then—

Dun dun dun dun OHH OHH SHAWN. Jericho gives a look of, "Aw, cripe, are you frickin' kidding me?" as Shawn Michaels appears on the entrance ramp, a big bloodstained bandage plastered to his forehead from last night's match.

SM: Surprised to see me, Chris?
CJ: I'm surprised you have the physical strength to dress yourself. Though I suppose I can't prove that you actually did.
SM: I'll have to apologize for taking so long to come out here. Y'see, Chris, I knew you were apt to show up and run your mouth, but I didn't quite expect it to happen to soon. But there I was in the back, trying my best to ignore the nonsensical drivel coming out of your mouth, when suddenly, I heard a hilariously butchered version of my name. And I just had to come out and see for myself just what oh-so-clever words you might have for a man who actually managed to win a match last night without the help of his hired chumps.
CJ: Hey! I take offense to the way you've referred to Disco and Lenny! I didn't need the help of those two chumps to win my match!

Lenny gives a sideways glance at Jericho for that one, while Disco just gives an enthusiastic "YEAH!"

SM: But now, let me get this straight. You were saying that if only I happened to be here tonight, you'd give me a shot at that pretty little title of yours? Well, Chris, in case you didn't notice, I'm here. So anytime you're ready to get this show on the road, I'll be more than glad to come on down to that ring and kick your teeth right down your throat.
CJ: Uh ... um...

Jericho briefly confers with Disco and Lenny, though they both just shrug their shoulders at him.

CJ: Well, um, that offer was only valid during the sentence in which it was referred to. So, uh, that means no luck for you tonight. I'd be glad to give you a title shot sometime down the road when you prove yourself worthy ... say, when you win the Thunderball Battle Royal?

Michaels just rolls his eyes at Jericho and gives him a look of, "Well, I saw that one coming." But no sooner does Jericho think he has triumphed than Paul Heyman's smiling face appears on the video monitor. Jericho shoots a distraught look in that direction.

CJ: You WOULDN'T.
PH: Well, Chris, since the people seemed to be so enthusiastic about seeing you defend your title against Shawn Michaels tonight, it's my job as a general manager for the people to give them what they want. Tonight - Chris Jericho versus Shawn Michaels, WWL World Heavyweight Title on the line.

Jericho throws a conniption fit in the ring as Shawn grins at him.

CJ: Damn your timing, Heyman!
PH: Good luck, Chris.

Jericho continues his rage as Shawn heads back through the curtain and we head to a commercial.


Jamie Noble & the Lords of the Dance vs. Ultimo Dragon & the Dudley Boyz

Three titleholders, three guys frustrated at their failures to win those titles last night. The Dudley Boyz are hot to start this thing out with the Lords of the Dance, but Jamie Noble also wants a shot at Ultimo Dragon, so we end up with a somewhat humorous Bubba Ray Dudley-Jamie Noble encounter to start. Though the faces have the initial advantage, the heels take advantage of the fact that with three of them, it's easier to minimize Ernest "The Cat" Miller's shortcomings, and eventually they're able to isolate D-Von Dudley. Of course, the Babyface In Peril never actually gets pinned during his initial period of peril, and D-Von eventually manages to put L.A. Park down with the Saving Grace. He makes the hot tag out to Bubba as Park dives to tag Noble, but accidentally tags the Cat instead.

The Cat comes in and gets smacked around by Bubba. When the other heels get involved, Dragon gets in there too. The three-on-two before D-Von recovers briefly allows the heels to stop the faces' momentum. Noble hits Bubba in the back while his attention is on Park and Park gets him with a DDT. Park covers, but he's not legal - the Cat is. As Park goes to drag the Cat over to Bubba, Bubba manages to tag Dragon, who takes Noble and Park down with spinning heel kicks in quick succession. Park rolls out of the ring, and after Dragon escapes a double knee gutbuster attempt, he dropkicks Noble out of the ring as well. As Noble and Park recover on the outside, Dragon comes off the ropes and leaps out onto both of them with an Asai moonsault. The crowd voices its approval. Inside the ring, the Cat is back up. He goes to the top rope and comes off with a Feliner attempt aimed at Bubba, but Bubba dodges it. D-Von sneaks into the ring, and as the Cat turns around, he walks right into the 3-D. Dragon re-enters the ring and hits another Asai moonsault onto the Cat to get the pin.

The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray Dudley and D-Von Dudley) and Ultimo Dragon defeated The Lords of the Dance (Ernest Miller and L.A. Park) and Jamie Noble when U. Dragon pinned E. Miller after an Asai moonsault in 0:10:14.
Rating: *** ¾

Park and Lamont drag the Cat out of there as the faces celebrate. Noble fumes about having lost to Dragon again, even if it wasn't by pinfall, and menaces him again with his "This isn't over" face before we head to commercial.


Back from commercial, the Law Firm of Mason, Martin & Bloom - minus Clarence Mason, for obvious reasons - is making its way down to the ring. They look decidedly displeased, and in case viewers can't understand why, a quick highlight reel from Licence to Kill shows the Law Firm losing to Goldust, Rico & Miss Jackie, thus losing Mason to them, and later seeing Mason made up and in drag. Matthew Bloom's got a mic.

MB: All right! I'm gonna make this short and sweet! Rico! Goldust! You two weirdos got one over on us last night, and you've had your fun humiliating Clarence! Now let me be very clear: Nobody, but nobody, visits such emotional distress on a member of the Law Firm without paying a steep penalty. So why don't you two bring your asses out here so I can give you the beating you deserve!
AM: And Jackie, too! Don't you forget to come out here with them! We've got a score to settle with you too! Heh heh, "score."

Bloom gives Martin an annoyed look.

MB: Well? Let's hear it! Where are you punks at?

The video monitor comes alive with the images of Goldust, Rico and Miss Jackie. Jackie is giving the Law Firm the "ah, ah, ah" finger wag.

AM: Hey baby, how you doin'?
MB: Will you shut up? OK, you two, how 'bout it? You ready to suffer some physical trauma?
R: Oh, believe me, big boy, there's nothing I'd like more than to come down there and engage in some ... physicality with the two of you.

Bloom and Martin both give disgusted looks.

R: But I'm afraid that's not a possibility.
G: Yes ... it looks like SOMEbody didn't read the ... fine print in the match contract.

Goldust gives a creepy Goldust laugh.

MB: What the hell are you talking about?

Jackie hands Goldust a piece of paper. Goldust scans over it as he talks.

G: You see, the match contract states that whomever loses the match will not be permitted to have contact with their former manager while he or she is under the employ of the winners. And if the winners of the match should be in close proximity to the losers' former manager, neither shall the losers have contact with the winners. So you see, as long as we keep Clarence ... close...

Goldust bites the air.

G: ... I'm afraid none of you can come close to us.
MB: WHAT? That's ridiculous! There's no way we would have missed such a preposterous clause! I know I didn't see it in the contract. Martin, did you?

Bloom glances over at Martin and notices the "Oh shit!" look on his face.

MB: DID YOU?
AM: Come on, dude. I thought we were gonna win. I didn't want those two creeps interrupting my quality time with Jackie, know what I'm saying?

Facepalm by Bloom.

R: But don't worry, boys. It so happens that if one of you is ready for ... action ... there's someone more than ready to come down there and have some fun with you.
AM: Giggity giggity giggity—

Martin's lecherousness is cut off by a loud bestial roar. Looks like it's not Miss Jackie who'll be heading to the ring, but Rhyno, who I guess was about ready to come out for his nightly open challenge. A brief communication between Martin and Bloom makes it clear that Bloom will be the one competing.

Intercontinental Title: Rhyno (c) vs. Matthew Bloom

If Jim Ross were doing commentary, he would tell you this is not likely to be a particularly scientific affair. And he would be right, as this one kicks off with a whole heck of a lot of brawling. Bloom is pissed off over what just transpired, and Rhyno has an in-ring style that is pretty much a permanent stated of pissed-offedness, so we'd best get ready for some serious punchy-kicky-stompy. Rhyno gets the first advantage after Bloom misses a charge into the corner, but Bloom eventually gets the advantage back after Rhyno gets distracted by Martin outside the ring. When Bloom sets up Rhyno for the Lawsuit (the Derailer), Rhyno fights out with body blows and gets a powerslam for two. Rhyno lines up Bloom for the Gore, but Martin grabs Rhyno's leg while the referee is looking at Bloom. Rhyno is able to shake Martin off, but that gives Bloom a chance to recover and floor Rhyno with a bicycle kick. Bloom says this one's over, but lo and behold, who should appear in the entranceway but Miss Jackie? Martin is immediately distracted and he slowly starts heading in that direction, only to be met with a horrifying sight - Clarence Mason being pushed through the curtain by Rico, dolled up in eyeshadow and a short, glittery skirt! That gives Martin pause, and also captivates the attention of Bloom in the ring. Bloom yells at Martin to go take care of that situation and Martin heads up the ramp, but Rico and Jackie beat a hasty retreat with Clarence in tow. Bloom, meanwhile, turns around and eats GORE! GORE! GORE! This one's over.

Rhyno pinned Matthew Bloom with the Gore in 0:06:36.
Rating: 1/2*
(Rhyno retained the WWL Intercontinental Title.)

Martin pauses briefly when he sees Bloom has lost, then quickly runs back to the ring and rolls the dazed Bloom out of there, helping him to the back after their adversaries as we go to commercial.


Coming back from commercial, Gene Snitsky is making his entrance for his match. But right now, there's a backstage confrontation going on.

As we cut to the back, we see Andrew Martin and Matthew Bloom being restrained by a mass of security guards as they try to get at Rico, Goldust and Miss Jackie, who are blocking the lovely Clarence Mason from getting anywhere near his charges. Rico leans forward, all smiles, at Martin and Bloom.

R: Sorry, sweethearts, but you know the rules. Take 'em away, boys!

The security guards go through the process of removing Martin and Bloom from the building as they protest, threatening legal action. Some lawyers they are. Anyway, let's get us back to the ring for what promises to be a technical masterpiece.

Gene Snitsky vs. Konnan

As these two masters of mat mechanics prepare to lock up, Gene Snitsky asks for a mic and addresses his opponent.

GS: Before this match starts, I would like to give you ... a gift. I would like to tell you ... a joke.

The crowd doesn't like where this is going. Konnan just rolls his eyes.

GS: How do you stop a baby ... from crawling around ... in circles?

Konnan does not respond. He just shakes his head.

GS: Nail ... its other hand ... to the floor!

Konnan just looks grossed out. And Konnan probably has a high tolerance for disgust, too.

GS: You didn't like ... my joke?

Usually, this is where Snitsky attacks his opponent. But Konnan shows some smarts for once and attacks Snitsky before he gets a chance. The match is on!

... Of course, it really isn't much of a match. Konnan gets some brief offense to start out, but against a monster like Snitsky, it's going to take more than a sneak attack to pick up the victory. Snitsky eventually breaks through Konnan's offense, ducking a clothesline and pulverizing Konnan with a clothesline of his own. From there on, it's almost all Snitsky. Toward the end, Konnan does manage to connect with a rolling clothesline, which pops the crowd if nothing else. Konnan sets up for a sitdown faceslam, but Snitsky breaks his grip and nails him with a headbutt. Snitsky waits for Konnan to get up and flattens him with a big boot. Snitsky says this one's over, hauls Konnan to his feet and ends it with the Pump-Handle Slam.

Gene Snitsky pinned Konnan with the Pump-Handle Slam in 0:04:14.
Rating: ***

Wow, three stars for four minutes of Konnan and Snitsky? Those must be for keeping it mercifully short. Snitsky's got a mic as he stands over the downed Konnan.

GS: When people don't laugh at my jokes ... that makes me ANGRY! So that WASN'T ... MY ... FAULT!

Snitsky stomps away from the ring. The commentators casually mention that Snitsky is entered in the Thunderball Battle Royal, but cryptically note that his name was not the first to be put into the hat.


Coming back from commercial, Jake "The Snake" Roberts is in the ring for his show.

JR: Welcome to the Snake Pit.

Requisite crowd pop.

JR: Tonight, my guest is the man who took the losing pinfall in last night's main event. Please welcome John Bradshaw Layfield.

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING. "Longhorn" cues up as a surly-looking JBL makes his way to the ring. Conspicuous by his absence is Jeff Jarrett.

JR: Good to have you here, John.
JBL: Jake, before we do this, I wonder if I could ask you one question.
JR: By all means.
JBL: Just who the hell do you think you are?

The crowd boos, but Jake doesn't even react.

JBL: You have the gall, the audacity, to introduce me as "the man who took the losing pinfall?" As if that were the only thing I did last night? Don't you dare forget that for damn near 25 minutes, I battered both Chris Jericho and Diamond Dallas Page from pillar to post, and it was nothing but sheer dumb luck that Jericho happened to keep my shoulders down - BARELY - for a count of three! So who are you to introduce me as a loser?

Jake just smiles at JBL.

JR: Have I done something to give you the impression that I'm afraid of you?

JBL gets in Jake's face. But Jake just keeps staring him down. Finally, Jake brings his mic between his face and JBL's.

JR: Peace, John. We have better things to do tonight than fight each other.

JBL, still glaring at Jake, backs off.

JR: But now that Licence to Kill is over, my question to you is, what now? Where does JBL go from here?
JBL: I shouldn't have to go anywhere from here. The only reason I didn't walk out of Licence to Kill the WWL World Heavyweight Champion is because the match was not one-on-one. For months, I've been asking for a one-on-one title match, but every time, Paul Heyman denies me. So I'll tell you this, Jake. My assured championship reign is just a single one-on-one title match away. Because one-on-one, there is not a single soul in the WWL who can hold up to a Wrestling ... GOD.
JR: Well, it's true, JBL, that your title match was not one-on-one. And it's true that you have yet to receive a one-on-one title match in WWL.

JBL gives a look that says "of course."

JR: But when you say you can't be beaten one-on-one ... well ... I have to disagree with you. Surely, you don't think everyone has forgotten last week, when your shoulders were pinned to the mat for a count of three by Diamond Dallas Page?
JBL: You call that a one-on-one match? It might as well have been a Triple Threat match too, the way Chris Jericho kept getting involved! I could have easily taken care of Diamond Dallas Page if not for Jericho's meddling!
JR: Well then, JBL, I suppose the question is, what makes you think you're going to be given another title shot after losing last night?
JBL: I'll be given another title shot because even Paul Heyman can't deny that there is no WWL competitor who can hold a candle to me! Even now, the people chant the name of the man they want to see as WWL World Heavyweight Champion! J-B-L ... J-B-L...

Again, for the sake of accuracy, the crowd is not chanting that.

JBL: All I need is one chance to prove myself, one-on-one, against ANYONE who dares to step in the ring with me, and it will be clear that there is no one in the WWL more worthy of a title shot than J-B-L!
PH: JBL ... don't you ever get tired of begging for title shots?

Paul Heyman has popped up on the video monitor. JBL turns to look up at the monitor with an angry look on his face.

JBL: Heyman, you and I both know I shouldn't have to ask for a title shot! We both know that it is a travesty of justice that I have yet to be given a one-on-one title shot!
PH: Well, JBL, since you're so insistent that you cannot be beaten one-on-one, I'm going to give you a chance to prove it tonight. The winner of this match will receive a shot at the WWL World Heavyweight Title July 31st at Thunderball. And since Jeff Jarrett was unable to make it to the arena tonight, I know it will be truly one-on-one - JBL versus ... Rey Mysterio!

The crowd pops for Mysterio's name.

JBL: Heyman, you know I don't need to beat Rey Mysterio to deserve a title shot. But I've beaten Rey Mysterio before, and I'll be glad to beat him again tonight to prove to you what you should already know - that there is no WWL competitor greater than J-B-L!
PH: Well, JBL, I'm glad to see you're looking forward to your match, because it's coming up ... oh, I don't know...

Heyman looks at his watch.

PH: ... Right now!

The crowd cheers. Though JBL was lucky enough to wear his wrestling gear down to the ring, he clearly isn't too happy about having his match right now. Heyman disappears from the video monitor. As JBL stares toward the entranceway, Jake sneaks up behind him and puts a hand on his shoulder, causing JBL to jump.

JR: I just want to wish you good luck, JBL. Because if you lose tonight, I imagine it's going to be a long, long time before you see yourself in another title match...

Jake leans in close.

JR: ... Trust me.

We cut to commercial as the ring crew begins clearing out the Snake Pit set.


For a WWL World Heavyweight Title shot: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio

JBL has determination in his eyes, as he is dedicated to getting another title shot. But Rey Mysterio is coming off a big win last night over JBL's comrade-in-arms, Jeff Jarrett - who, the announcers note, is not in the arena tonight for personal reasons - and is hoping to carry the momentum forward into a title match. Knowing how frustrated JBL is over his loss last night, Mysterio spends the opening minutes of the match focusing more on dodging JBL's attacks than on fighting back, just to get JBL's dander up. He eventually manages to put JBL over the top with a headscissor takedown, angering JBL further. Rey then springs from the second rope to the outside with a plancha, but JBL catches him, turns him sideways and sends him into the ringside barrier with the Last Call. That leads to a period of sustained dominance by JBL, but try as he might, he can't keep the smaller man down. That just has the effect of further frustrating JBL and damaging his concentration. Finally, Rey manages to break JBL's advantage, countering a powerbomb attempt into a swinging DDT. That puts both men down.

Both men get to their feet and a slugfest ensues. JBL's blows hit harder than Rey's, but Rey just keeps coming back for more, eventually dodging a punch and kicking at the legs of JBL. Rey gets a near-fall off a spinning heel kick to JBL, then another near-fall after a wheelbarrow bulldog. JBL catches Rey with a big boot as Rey comes off the ropes and covers for a near-fall of his own. A sidewalk slam by JBL gets him another long two-count. JBL whips Rey into the corner and comes off the ropes as Rey stumbles out of the corner, looking for the Clothesline from Hell, but Rey counters into a drop toe hold that puts JBL on the second rope. Rey runs off the opposite ropes and ... 619! JBL is knocked back to center ring! Rey springs to the top rope and comes off looking for the West Coast Pop, but JBL ducks. Rey leaps over JBL, goes into a roll, and turns around just in time to catch JBL in the face with a dropkick. Rey goes up to the top rope, but JBL recovers quickly and nails Rey with a shot to the midsection. JBL climbs up with Rey and launches him across the ring with a second-rope Last Call. With Rey down, JBL calls for the Clothesline from Hell again. He sends Rey across the ring with an Irish whip, then comes off the opposite ropes himself, swinging for the fences with the Clothesline from Hell. But Rey catches JBL's arm and counters into a crucifix pinning combination, just barely keeping JBL's shoulders down for the three-count!

Number-One-Contenders-Match:
Rey Mysterio pinned John Bradshaw Layfield after a crucifix in 0:12:17.
Rating: *** ½

Rey quickly rolls out the ring before it sinks in to JBL that he's lost again. If JBL was frustrated before, he's now incredibly frustrated, judging from the look on his face.


We come back from break to see JBL on a rampage backstage, smashing anything that looks smashable out of frustration. Sean Edmunds unwisely approaches him.

SE: JBL! If I can have just a minute—

JBL grabs Edmunds by the collar.

JBL: If you've got a brain in your head, you skinny little punk, you'll get out of my face before I do something you'll regret!

Edmunds scampers off. JBL sets about clearing off a buffet table. We head back to ringside.


La Resistance vs. Goldust & Rico

Without the Law Firm to worry about, Goldust & Rico have brought Clarence Mason, still dolled up all purty-like, with them to the ring. La Resistance are about as put off as a couple of Frenchmen presented with an unwilling cross-dresser (not to mention a willing one and a guy who wears makeup and sparkle glitter) can get. Their unease is clear throughout this match; La Res hold the occasional advantage, but they spend a lot of time being creeped out by Clarence and distracted by Miss Jackie. Goldust and Rico, for their part, keep the offense as unsettling as possible for their opponents. La Resistance manage to get something of an edge when Rene Dupree clubs Rico from behind as Rico tries to bounce off the ropes. They briefly double-team Rico until Goldust comes in and takes down both Frenchmen with a double clothesline. He sets up Sylvain Grenier up for some Shattered Dreams, but just before he can deliver it, Dupree drops Goldust with a clothesline. Another clothesline attempt results in Dupree being backdropped out of the ring by Goldust. Grenier gets out of the corner and sends Goldust off the ropes, but when he lowers his head as Goldust rebounds back, Goldust hits the deck and nails Grenier with an uppercut. That spins Grenier around right into the Sudden Impact from Rico, and that's all she wrote.

Goldust and Rico defeated La Resistance (Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier) when Rico pinned S. Grenier with the Sudden Impact in 0:05:10.
Rating: **

Goldust and Rico celebrate their victory with Jackie and a very, very unhappy Clarence Mason, who just looks defeated.


After a promo package for the replay of Licence to Kill, it's time for some ALAYLEAHHHHHHHLAYLEAHLAYLEAHLAYLEAAAAHHHHH... Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari, looking even less happy than usual, head down to the ring.

MH: Well, I'll bet you people were all just overjoyed to see what happened at Licence to Kill, huh?

The crowd cheers.

KD: (shouts something incomprehensible in Farsi)
MH: The good guys won, right? They vanquished the bad guys? How very typical of Americans like you, looking at myself and Daivari as bad guys! It's perfectly ridiculous that you people would regard foreigners unequivocally as bad guys, but it's even more ridiculous that you would regard Daivari and myself as villains, despite the fact that we are no less American than all of you! And even more absurd than that is the fact that you would regard as the good guys two thugs dedicated to violence and weapon usage in Rhyno and the Sandman! It just goes to show how utterly ignorant you people are!
KD: (says something incomprehensible in Farsi)
MH: You can't even FATHOM the thought that two Americans with names like "Muhammad" and "Khosrow" might be good guys, can you? NO! You look at us and judge us based on our looks, judge us because you've been told that people of our descent are bad people! And yet, you respect a brute like Rhyno? Why? Because he comes to the ring and takes on all comers? Well, fine then! If that's what you ignorant people want to see, then that's what I'll give you! Anyone who wants to come down to this ring and challenge me is welcome! But I think you'll find that, just like your soldiers overseas, whoever comes forward to challenge the great Muhammad Hassan will find it impossible to truly overcome the "bad guys!"

The crowd boos viciously. They HATE that man. But no sooner has Hassan put out his challenge than HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE~ erupts from the entranceway and Kane makes his return! The Big Red Machine enters the ring and heads for Hassan, but Hassan still has his microphone.

MH: So you're the hero, huh? You're the kind of person these people will cheer as the good guy against me, the bad guy? Well, now you have the chance to play the hero against ... Daivari!

Daivari has sneaked around behind Kane and he nails him in the back. The bell rings and, as Hassan ducks out of the ring, the match is on!

Khosrow Daivari vs. Kane

Kane completely no-sells Daivari's attack from behind and turns around to glare at him. Daivari takes more shots at Kane, but he's going to have to work harder than that to get Kane to sell. Finally, Daivari pokes Kane in the eye, and that at least makes the big man flinch. Daivari tries to keep his advantage by going after the legs and keeping the attacks coming, but that only works for a short while before Kane takes over and completely dominates his much smaller opponent. Most of the match is Kane killing Daivari, though Daivari does get another brief advantage by taking Kane down with a neckbreaker after Hassan distracts Kane, but again, it doesn't last. Kane puts Daivari down with his top-rope clothesline, cocks the arm back, and goozles Daivari as he gets back to his feet. Before he can deliver the Chokeslam, Hassan is in and he clips Kane's knee, drawing the DQ.

Kane defeated Khosrow Daivari by disqualification in 0:03:36.
Rating: * ½

The attack to the knee knocks Kane down to a knee, and Hassan and Daivari stomp at Kane while he's down. But he quickly shakes it off, reaches up and catches both men in a double goozle. They escape with stereo kicks to the midsection and come off the ropes, but Kane drops them with a double clothesline and they roll out of the ring. Hassan and Daivari retreat, swearing vengeance, as Kane blows his corner pyro in victory.


Tonight's main event is right around the corner, but first, we cut to the back where Maria the Mic Stand is preparing for another stellar interview.

MtMS: Maria here, backstage with Diamond Dallas Page. Diamond, your thoughts on your match?
DDP: Please call me Dallas.

Maria stares blankly and does not respond.

DDP: I suppose it won't do much good for me to tell you I don't have a match tonight, either.

Maria continues staring blankly.

DDP: Well, there's no way of getting around it. Last night, I once again had the opportunity to beat Chris Jericho and capture the WWL World Heavyweight Title. And once again, I fell just short. I could stand here and make excuses about why that happened, but when you get to be my age, you don't have time for excuses. So I won't make any. But I will say this: Chris Jericho has not seen the last of me. And the next time I get him in the ring with that WWL World Heavyweight Title on the line, there ain't nothing in the world that's gonna save him from the Master of the Diamond Cutter.

The tape recorder in Maria's head rewinds.

MtMS: Maria here, backstage with Diamond Dallas Page. Diamond, your thoughts on your match?
DDP: I'll ignore that. The thing is, before I can get another shot at that title, I've got to prove myself worthy. So earlier today, I went and talked to Paul Heyman, and he gave me my chance. He made my name the first entered in the 30-man, over-the-top-rope Thunderball Battle Royal. That's 29 guys I've gotta go through before I can have my shot at the championship, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Whether it's Chris Jericho, whether it's Shawn Michaels or whether it's Rey Mysterio, I'm coming. And the first thing I'm going to do is see to it that on July 31st, 29 other men FEEL ... THE ... BANG!


Back from commercial, it's time for our MAAAAAAAIN EVENT.

WWL World Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Shawn Michaels

We get a slow start to this one, as both of these guys are still pretty banged up from Licence to Kill. After an initial feeling-out period, Jericho takes the early advantage by taking a cheap shot after a separation in the corner and tagging Shawn right in his bandaged forehead. Jericho beats on Shawn for a little while, but Shawn eventually comes back out of nowhere, catching Jericho with a Thesz press as he comes off the ropes and hammering away at him. After smacking Jericho around for a little while, Shawn sets him up for a piledriver, but Jericho takes him down and tries to counter into the Walls of Jericho. Damage from Licence to Kill notwithstanding, Shawn is too fresh for that to work and he captures Jericho in a small package for two. Jericho hits a back elbow to Shawn's bandaged head to stagger him, then nails him with a facebuster. Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Shawn gets the knees up. As Jericho gets back to his feet, Shawn clotheslines him over the top to the outside. Shawn gets a running start and leaps through the ropes onto Jericho with a suicide dive, putting both men down. Shawn gets to his feet first, but before he can start back in on Jericho, Jerichoholics Anonymous get too close. Shawn puts both of them down with right hands, then re-enters the ring. Jericho gets up to follow him, but as the referee reaches a count of nine, Jericho chickens out and gets back down off the apron. Before Shawn can figure out where this is going, the referee counts Jericho out.

Shawn Michaels defeated Chris Jericho by countout in 0:07:40.
Rating: *** 1/2
(Chris Jericho retained the WWL World Heavyweight Title.)

The crowd does not like that one at all. Two guys like Jericho and Michaels can put on an incredible match, but Jericho practically ended this one before it started by letting himself get counted out - meaning he retains the WWL World Heavyweight Title. Shawn protests the decision to the referee, but a countout's a countout and there's nothing he can do about it now. An upset Shawn gives Jericho a death glare as he retreats to the back, flanked by Jerichoholics Anonymous and still the champion.

GB: What a joke! I thought we were guaranteed a hell of a match, but Chris Jericho took the easy way out!
HTM: He may have taken the easy way out, but it was still a way out and Y2J is still the champion! We may not like it, but he did what he had to do!
GB: Jericho may have survived tonight, but he's got Rey Mysterio waiting down the road at Thunderball, and if he survives that, he'll have the winner of the Thunderball Battle Royal looking for him too! But we'll have to find out next week who else is entered in that 30-man battle royal, because we're out of time! I'm Garth Bishop, for the Honky Tonk Man! Good night!



Card rating: ** ¾

Matches signed for Thunderball:

Thunderball Battle Royal for a WWL World Heavyweight Title shot: Diamond Dallas Page, Gene Snitsky, 28 yet to be announced

WWL World Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Rey Mysterio
JustinPossiblePosted on 02/26/09 at 07:00:49

they may be long, but your stuff is always a good read.

make sure you post or message me your info for the rollcall before sunday