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OSW Season Two: Stairway to Bankruptcy

MattHarmsPosted on 02/07/07 at 22:01:43

Disclaimer: We don't have the budget for a disclaimer.

LAST WEEK: In a shocking swerve, El Dandy won the Dandy Rumble after entering number two. Also, a mysterious guy in a mask came out and attacked El Dandy. Will we find out? Why the hell are you asking me anyway?

Tonight we can reveal El Dandy will defend his OSW Heavyweight Title against Stevie Ray in a Best Two Out of Three Falls Match

David Flair(w/Erik Watts) vs the Great Khali

Our badass sensation from India Khali has a hum dinger of a match. The punches, the kicks, the restholds, all the elements of great wrestling action. This should be how all great wrestling should book. Fifteen minutes of ground breaking action later, David Flair gets chopped in the head and well, that's it bitches.


The Great Khali pinned David Flair after the Tomahawk chop in 0:15:39.
Rating: -*****

The Great Khali is your winner. He beats up Erik Watts after the match. Why? Because he's the Great Khali. The Great Khali may be a potential contender for El Dandy's OSW World Heavyweight Title.

Ten Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal:
The Harris Brothers, the Maestro, Barry Horowitz, Zach Gowen, Van Hammer, Fidel Sierra, Tank Abbott, Justin Credible, and Erik Watts

To Eliminate your opponent, you have to throw him over the top rope and both feet have to touch the floor. On an unrelated note, one leg public interest story Zach Gowen, who must certainly does not have two feet, is competing in this match. There is no way we can call who wins this one folks. Wrestlers go flying and eventually the final four is Gowen, Horowitz, and both of the Harris Brothers. The Harris Brothers get dispatched in short order by the might of Barry Horowitz(ah the joys of letting TNM book the eliminations) and Gowen catches Horowitz with a leg lariat but Horowitz legsweeps Gowen, so he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Horowitz has the leg up on Gowen and attempts to toss him to the floor. Gowen is out but since both feet didn't touch the floor, the match continues. Don't pat yourself on the back too soon Barry. Barry turns around and one legged dropkick of doom sends Horowitz to the floor and gives Zach Gowen the duke. Bet none of you saw that coming!

10-Man Battle Royal
Zach Gowen won a 10-man Battle Royal:
        x Maestro threw out Abbott after a punch to the midsection in 0:00:56
        x Zach threw out E. Watts in 0:04:06
        x Heavy D threw out F. Sierra in 0:08:28
        x Heavy D threw out Maestro in 0:17:38
        x Zach threw out Van Hammer in 0:29:04
        x Big Ron threw out Credible in 0:29:25
        x Horowitz threw out Big Ron in 0:29:55
        x Horowitz threw out Heavy D after a hiptoss in 0:31:36
        x Zach threw out Horowitz in 0:32:51
Rating: * 1/2

Gowen celebrates his victory and walks towards the back for the victory.

Sean Waltman is backstage, wanting a match with El Dandy tonight. Kanyon walks up to Waltman, talking about how "their type" is being held down by the management. Kanyon proposes to Waltman....to form a tag team. Waltman looks confused but says if it gets him respect, than they'll have a gay old time tearing up the tag team ranks. Kanyon says that he enjoyed Waltman's film with Chyna before walking to the back, causing Waltman looking as if he'd want to throw up.

The Zombie and the Boogey Man vs Marty Jannetty and the Miz

The Zombie and the Boogey Man destroy the team of Jannetty and the guy everyone loves to hate, the Miz. A squash that hasn't been seen since the days of SD Jones. The Boogeyman puts down Marty with a choke slam as the Zombie decides to attempt to eat the Miz but the Miz cowardly runs off. The Boogeyman and the Zombie are your victors.

The Zombie and The Boogey Man defeated The Miz and Marty Jannetty when
The Boogey Man pinned Jannetty after a choke slam in 0:02:31.
Rating: 3/4*

When the Boogeyman and the Zombie leave, the Miz comes out, dressing down Marty Jannetty. Marty gets up and decides to superkick the Miz. A ring attendent comes down to the ring and informs Marty that he's been let go. Marty absolutely refuses to believe it and knocks out the ring attendent with a superkick of his own before rokciking to the back.

Hardcore Title Match:
Umaga vs Candice Michelle(c)

Candice destroys Umaga with a series of foreign object shots, leaving the Samoan staggered in the ring. Candice goes to the top rope and nearly puts out Umaga's eye by splashing him chest first onto his face. Candice scores the easy pin to retain her Hardcore Title.

No-Time-Limit-No-Countout-No-DQ-Match
Candice Michelle pinned Umaga after a splash from the top rope in 0:05:08.
Rating: -*
(Candice Michelle retained the OSW Hardcore Title.)

El Dandy is backstage. Dandy says he'll make the guy who attacked him and no doubt doubts El Dandy, pay for his attack last week. Dandy says tonight he'll retain his title against Stevie Ray. He cauctions anyone against doubting El Dandy, as there would be dire consequences for doubting El Dandy. Dandy walks out across water, turning water into wine and making a blind man see.

Jesus vs Test

Test runs over Jesus like was nothing. Test puts Jesus down with the Running Big Boot, destroying him for the victory.


Test pinned Jesus with the Running Big Boot in 0:01:33.
Rating: -3/4*

Test struts around the ring, looking rather pleased. He has scored a decisive victory over Jesus, proving that yes indeed, Test is bigger than Jesus.

OSW Television Title Match:
Heidenreich(c) vs a job boy

Power Bomb, Smash, Pin by Heidenreich.


Heidenreich pinned CM Punk after a power bomb in 0:00:12.
Rating: *
(Heidenreich retained the OSW Television Title.)

Heidenreich gives his foe the Michael Cole Treatment after the match. Our Television Champion gets on the microphone, declaring that he's pissed off that he has to face off against a bunch of opponents with no style. Heidenreich ain't leaving this bitch until someone with talent comes out. The crowd cheers for no reason in particular as "The Birdman" Koko B. Ware rushes out to shut Heidenreich up. Dropkick knocks Heidenreich to the floor and Koko does the bird to cheers from the crowd. Heidenreich flips out, challenging Koko to a Television Title Match for next week(WHAT THE HELL IS THIS! Booking ahead?). Koko accepts.

The masters of the instant rematch clause, the Rock N Roll Express come out. An insteresting footnote is these two men are out their eighth reign as OSW Tag Team Champions. They call out any tag team in the world who are great. KRONIK, KRONIK, KRONIK. KRONIK.

OSW Tag Team Title Match:
Kronik vs Rock N Roll Express(c)

The greatest tag team in wrestling history, bar none, Kronik run over the Rock N' Roll Express, smoking them. You could say that Kronik does a good job weeding out the competition, finishing off Robert Gibson with the High Times to capture the tag team titles!

Kronik (Brian Adams and Bryan Clark) defeated
Rock'n'Roll Express (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson) when Clark pinned R. Gibson
after the High Times in 0:04:59.
Rating: * 3/4
(Kronik won the OSW Tag Team Titles.)

Ricky's up and he's hot. He's ready to cash in on his instant rematch clause. Kronik beat up Mr. Morton and it's on like Donkey Kong.

OSW Tag Team Title Match:
The Rock N Roll Express vs Kronik(c)

Ricky Morton plays Ricky Morton. Kronik beat him down. And beat him down some more. No hot tag is being made. Adams hits the backbreaker on Morton and holds him down for the three, becoming the first team in OSW wrestling to ever have a successful defense of the tag team titles after beating the Rock N Roll Express for the titles!

Kronik (Brian Adams and Bryan Clark) defeated
Rock'n'Roll Express (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson) when B. Adams pinned
R. Morton after a backbreaker in 0:03:49.
Rating: * 1/4
(Kronik retained the OSW Tag Team Titles.)

Ricky and Robert look distraught! They will have to work their way back up the tag team ranks instead of relying on the INSTANT REMATCH CLAUSE~! Kronik celebrate with the tag team title belts as the Rock N Roll Express are in the ring.

Pat Patterson and Sylvain Grenier vs Kanyon and Sean Waltman

Patterson and Grenier double team Kanyon for most of the match until Kanyon manages to come underneath and put both men down to the canvas. Kanyon manages to make the hot tag to Waltman, who plummels Grenier and Patterson from behind with a series of martial arts kicks. Grenier gets blow off to the side by Waltman, getting sent to the floor and Waltman knocks Patterson into the corner before climaxing his assault with the Bronco Buster. Patterson passes out from the assault and Waltman gets on top of Patterson for three seconds before scoring the victory!

Sean Waltman and Kanyon defeated Sylvain Grenier and Pat Patterson when Waltman
pinned Patterson after the Bronco Buster in 0:07:47.
Rating: *

Kanyon hugs Waltman after the match, much to the surprise of Waltman but Sylvain looks to not be too pleased and he grabs Waltman before bringing him down with a reverse DDT. Kanyon leaps on top of Sylvain but Patterson picks up Kanyon and double team on Kanyon. Kanyon gets trapped in the corner and Patterson has a pair of handcuffs. Patterson handcuffs Kanyon to the corner and they give it to Kanyon from behind but Waltman is up, driving Patterson into the canvas with the X-Factor. Sylvan eats Waltman's foot and is knocked to the floor. Waltman crotch chops Sylvain and Patterson who look on with interest before walking towards the back.

Stevie Ray is backstage, calling everyone competing in the last match a fruity booty and saying that tonight he is going to be the one time...OSW Heavyweight Champion.

OSW Heavyweight Title Best Two Out of Three Falls Match:
Stevie Ray vs El Dandy(c)

Dandy and Stevie Ray batter each other for the first few minutes, trading several world class moves such as clotheslines and armbars before Dandy hits an armdrag, double leg takedown, and jack-knife cradle, flipping over onto Stevie to win the first fall. Dandy works over Stevie some more but Stevie swings the match back to his favor, beating down Dandy. Kick to the chest is two. Stevie tries a spinaroonie but that doesn't work and Dandy pummels Stevie but gets dumped throat first onto the top rope. Slapjack shot right between the eyes and Slapjack the move hits but Dandy kicks out at two before Dandying up. Jabs by Dandy. Drop Toe Hold by Dandy. Dandina Cradle attempt but Stevie fights the hold so Dandy opts for an arm grapevine. Stevie attempts to fight but no where to go so Dandy gets the submission!

Two-out-of-three-Falls Match
El Dandy beat Stevie Ray 2 falls to 0:
        x Dandy beat S. Ray via a jack-knife cradle in 0:06:05
        x Dandy beat S. Ray via an arm grapevine in 0:25:16
Rating: -1/2*
(El Dandy retained the OSW World Heavyweight Title.)

El Dandy has dominated two straight falls against Stevie Ray but the lights are going out. Dandy is in the ring and a masked man enters the ring. DANDY GETS CLOCKED FROM BEHIND WITH A CROWBAR! The masked man takes off his mask to reveal...The Repo Man! The Repo Man picks up the OSW Heavyweight Title and rushes off with the belt as Dandy is out in the ring. The Repo Man has just stolen the OSW Heavyweight Title for no good reason at all. El Dandy might have met his match. Tune in next week to find out!

Next Week: Koko B. Ware/Heidenreich for the Television Title. And maybe more. Who knows? I sure as hell don't.
King MunshunPosted on 02/07/07 at 22:27:05

Needs more Mark Henry.