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WWL Monday Night Action: 6/20/05

AllPowerfulGARTHPosted on 10/25/06 at 14:06:28

HOLY McCRAP! WWL IS BACK!

That's right, folks...it's another all-too-infrequent update for my lovely WWL circuit. Tragically, I have suffered from a tendency to get burnt out on writing it (as you may have noticed), in large part due to the tremendous amount of time each card takes to write and the tremendous amount of free time I don't have. While this card is still in the full format of the previous ones - it was already half-written before I stopped writing this most recent time - expect future cards to offer a little bit less in terms of actual match write-ups. I'll try to keep the mic spots fully fleshed out, as the interaction of my characters is sorta my signature, but...well, if you want me to post without these seven-month gaps, it's probably best that I keep it short.

For those of you who've forgotten just what WWL is all 'bout, I have taken the liberty of linking to my last few cards.

WWL Rush, 6/19/05: http://www.tnm7.de/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=tnmcircs;action=display;num=1144890281;start=0#0

WWL Monday Night Action, 6/13/05: http://www.tnm7.de/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=tnmcircs;action=display;num=1142476179;start=0#0

WWL Rush, 6/12/05: http://www.tnm7.de/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=tnmcircs;action=display;num=1127439319;start=0#0

WWL Monday Night Action, 6/6/05: http://www.tnm7.de/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=tnmcircs;action=display;num=1127185550;start=0#0

WWL Rush, 6/5/05: http://www.tnm7.de/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=tnmcircs;action=display;num=1125970197;start=0#0

WWL Monday Night Action, 5/30/05: http://www.tnm7.de/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=tnmcircs;action=display;num=1125888420;start=0#0

WWL You Only Live Twice, 5/29/05: http://www.tnm7.de/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=tnmcircs;action=display;num=1124500921;start=0#0

And as a parting token of my tendency to make my cards way too frickin' long, this card is itself too long to put in one post, so it's split across two. Ain't that awesome?


Here's your opening video package, set to "Action" by Powerman 5000. It's probably unnecessary for me to point it out at this point. But just try and stop me.

GB: Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for MONDAY NIGHT ACTION! I'm Garth Bishop, here with the Honky Tonk Man! Licence to Kill, live on pay-per-view, is just six days away, and Honky Tonk, I have spent the past seven days wondering just what our main event at Licence to Kill looks like!
HTM: A good question, Garth - last week, just two weeks out from Licence to Kill, one of the contenders for the WWL World Heavyweight Title suffered an injury - one that COULD keep him out of that match!
GB: My broadcast partner is talking, of course, about the Big Show, who went down holding a knee during his match with Jeff Jarrett. I've been told to expect an answer tonight from the Big Show regarding his status, but we can't neglect the rest of tonight's card!
HTM: That's right - we've got an eight-man tag featuring four top tag teams, a six-man tag featuring six top cruiserweights, and a one-on-one match between Shawn Michaels and the monster Gene Snitsky!
GB: Our scheduled main event tonight is to be Diamond Dallas Page and the Big Show taking on JBL and the WWL World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho, but whether that match comes to—

WE-HEEEEELLLLLLL...WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW! Looks like that answers that. Big Show limps down to the ring, his left knee heavily taped up. He's got a mic as well.

BS: Let's cut right to the chase here. Last week, all of you fans saw me go over the top rope to the floor, you saw me fall awkwardly on this knee, and you saw me finish that match barely able to walk. Now, there's a lot of talk going around that I might not be able to make it to Licence to Kill, that I'm going to have to forfeit my WWL World Heavyweight Title shot. The doctors have advised me - STRONGLY advised me - against competing at Licence to Kill, for fear that this injury could get a hell of a lot worse.

The crowd is starting to get bummed out.

BS: But last week, when I found myself hardly able to MOVE, I STILL got back up and I STILL beat Jeff Jarrett's ass! And if I can beat his ass without either JBL or Chris Jericho being able to stop me, then NO ONE is going to stop me from taking that WWL World Heavyweight Title at Licence to Kill, injured knee or no injured knee! After I drive those two little bastards through the mat, there's going to be nothing to stop me from—

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING. The crowd boos as JBL heads down to the ring. JBL has a mic. Big Show is staring daggers at him.

JBL: Whoa there, big fella. I'm not out here for a fight. I mean, what would really be the point? You and I both know that you're in no shape to be fighting anyone, Big Show. Somewhere in that tiny brain of yours, you know that the only reason you beat the King of the Mountain last week is because Rey Mysterio got involved. So Big Show, once you find that tiny, tiny place in your tiny, tiny brain - it's called "common sense" - I want you to focus on it. And while you're focused on it, I want you to think long and hard about Licence to Kill. As good an in-ring competitor as Jeff is, he's only one man. And this Sunday, you're scheduled to face not only the WWL World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho...but also a Wrestling GOD. Why, even as we speak, the people chant my name...J-B-L...J-B-L...

Editor's note: The crowd is not chanting that.

JBL: So Big Show, armed with that knowledge, I want you to ask yourself if you REALLY think it's a good idea to walk into Licence to Kill. Let's face it, Show - you can't even walk, period. So why don't you use what's left of your leg strength to do the right thing...and WALK AWAY.
BS: JBL, seeing as you're on a "common sense" kick right now, I'm going to do you a favor. I'm going to give you five seconds to use your own common sense: Tuck your little tail between your legs, step through those ropes, walk down that ramp, and get the hell out of my face. If you think I am the LEAST bit scared of you, you are SORELY mistaken. And it is going to cost you, big-time. One. Two. Three.

Y5J...Y4J...Y3J...Y2J...KABOOM! WWL World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho appears on the entrance ramp. He has a mic as well, but takes a few moments as though trying to figure out the words to say.

CJ: NOW!

JBL swiftly turns and kicks Big Show in the balls. He then bounces off the ropes and delivers the Clothesline From Hell. Jeff Jarrett is suddenly at ringside - he must have come out of the crowd - and he slides a chair in the ring to JBL. JBL lifts the chair and drives it into the injured knee of Big Show. And again. And again. He is wearing out the injured knee of Big Show, and the big man is screaming in pain. Jarrett is in the ring now and he stomps away at Show's knee. Jericho, meanwhile, just stands off to the side on the entrance ramp, pointing and laughing. Jarrett lifts up the leg of Big Show and holds the knee exposed as JBL ascends to the second rope. DDP and Rey Mysterio charge through the curtain - Jericho is far enough off to the side that they don't really stop to encounter him - and head to the ring, but too late. They are only part of the way down the entrance ramp when JBL comes off the turnbuckle and cracks Big Show's knee with the chair. JBL and Jarrett roll out of the ring as DDP and Rey enter. The faces elect to check on Big Show as the heels sneak off.

Meanwhile, Chris Jericho has sneaked backstage and is laughing his ass off about this. Jerichoholics Anonymous are there with him (wonder why they didn't encounter DDP and Rey a minute ago?) sharing in his laugh.

CJ: Hahahaha that was GREAT! Hey Disco, do your Big Show impression.
DI: But boss, I don't do a Big Show impression.
CJ: JUST DO ONE.
DI: Um...uh...okay...um...ARRRRRGH! MY KNEE! OH, THE PAIN! OH, THE AGONY!
CJ: That was awful.
LL: Yeah, it sucked.
CJ: Shut up, Lenny.
LL: Yes, sir.
CJ: Oh man, NOTHING could ruin this good mood. I mean, nothing at ALL. I simply can't imagine what would ruin things for me at the moment. I know you're standing right behind me, Paul. I am saying these things entirely for the sake of irony.

The camera pans to the side to show that, indeed, Paul Heyman is standing right behind the World Heavyweight Champion.

CJ: Come on, Paul, help me out. I'm dying here.
PH: Chris...I know you're not going to admit it, but I know you were involved in what just happened out there with the Big Show. Now, you didn't do the damage to Big Show, and at the moment, that makes you the lesser of two evils. So you are OUT of tonight's main event, which will now be a one-on-one match between JBL and DDP. But Chris, lest you forget, you are scheduled to be tonight's guest on the Snake Pit. And I'm going to have an announcement for you. And you're not going to like it. That's all I have to say to you.

Heyman walks off. Jericho just shrugs to his Jerichoholics.

CJ: He's so boring when he's angry.
LL: Totally.
CJ: Shut up, Lenny.
LL: Yes, sir.


Coming back from commercial, Lamont is in the ring.

L: Ladies and gentlemen! Ladies and gentlemen! It is a point of great pride for me to introduce to you YOUR WWL Tag Team Champions...Ernest "The Cat" Miller and L.A. Park, the Lords of the Dance!

The Lords of the Dance begin dancing their way to the ring as a replay goes over what just occurred moments ago. We also see that, during the break, Big Show had to be stretchered away on a king-sized stretcher. It's looking like Big Show's hopes of making it to Licence to Kill may have been dashed here tonight. But now for our opening match.

Lords of the Dance and Law Firm of Mason, Martin & Bloom vs. Dudley Boyz and Goldust & Rico

As Lamont and the Cat talk to each other about how awesome the Cat is, the Law Firm and L.A. Park have a hushed conversation, the gist of which - from the broad gesturing being done by all - seems to be that it would be best if the Cat does not get in the ring. Fair enough. Bubba Ray Dudley and Park start this one out. Gosh darn these matches with a zillion different competitors. They are very difficult to write. Well, okay, we spend the first few minutes of our contest without any particular side getting an advantage for an extended period of time. But at least we get a good rotation of people in and out of the ring - except, of course, for the Cat, who is deliberately avoided. He doesn't seem to notice. How surprising. The faces are eventually able to isolate Andrew Martin and beat on him for a little while, but he's eventually able to nail Rico with a full nelson slam and tag out to Matthew Bloom. Rico makes the tag to Goldust, and he and Bloom have a quick sequence that ends with Martin burying a knee in Goldust's back as he comes off the ropes and Bloom flattening Goldust with a big 350-pound clothesline.

That, clever readers, makes Goldust your official Face In Peril. It's mostly the Law Firm beating on him - whilst Clarence Mason talks shit - but Park makes his way in for a few stompings on the Bizarre One as well. But as with any Face In Peril, Goldust is not about to be pinned on a fluke, and kickouts and timely partnerference keeps him from being beaten after having his bell rung by opponents. Goldust manages a rally or two, but he's quickly quelled the first few times. Finally, there's an instance where Goldust is whipped into the heels' turnbuckle. Martin holds him in place while Bloom (the legal man) charges at him, but Goldust moves and Bloom clocks Martin, knocking him off the apron. Goldust quickly tries to retaliate with a butt-bump, and while Bloom dodges it, Goldust's rear slams into Park, sending HIM off the apron. Bloom hits a kick to the gut and hoists Goldust up for the Settlement, but Goldust slides down his back and delivers a reverse DDT. Both men are down, and Goldust is able to crawl to his corner and tag Bubba. Bloom also crawls over for a tag, but with Park and Martin both knocked off the apron, he absent-mindedly makes the tag to the Cat. Uh oh.

Bubba is in and he's a house of fire on the Cat, who doesn't even have a chance to get in any offense. Bubba beats the heck out of the Cat, then sends him to the ropes for a back body drop. Bubba pulls the Cat up and nails him, sending him stumbling into the faces' corner, where everyone gets in a shot on him. Bubba connects with some punches, then drops the Cat with the Bionic Elbow. Bubba picks up the Cat and positions him for a powerbomb, but Martin is in and he takes Bubba's head off with a hellacious big boot. The faces take exception to that, so they come into the ring, and the heels follow. It's PANDAMONIUM~! Now with 90% more pandas! During that battle, Mason makes his presence felt by grabbing the leg of D-Von Dudley, but Miss Jackie takes exception, and she comes over and kicks Clarence in the balls. The Law Firm notices, and they leave the ring to go after Jackie, followed quickly by Goldust and Rico, who are out there to stop them. A brawl between those teams - opponents at Licence to Kill - breaks out outside the ring. While the referee is occupied with that, Park grabs his chair and sneaks into the ring. He raises it over his head to nail Bubba, who is just getting up, but D-Von comes from behind, grabs Park, and chucks him over the top, chair and all. The Cat finally staggers to his feet and runs smack into the 3-D! Bubba covers to get the victory for his team and the momentum going into Licence to Kill.

The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray Dudley and D-Von Dudley), Goldust and Rico defeated The Law Firm of Mason, Martin & Bloom (Andrew Martin and Matthew Bloom) and The Lords of the Dance (Ernest Miller and L.A. Park) when Bubba pinned E. Miller with the Dudley Death Drop in 0:10:52.
Rating: ** ¾

As the Dudleyz celebrate, the Law Firm and Goldust & Rico have to be separated by officials. Miss Jackie blows a kiss to the Law Firm as they're separated, and Martin makes an inappropriate gesture at her (the ol' "tongue between the middle and index fingers"). What a classy guy Martin is.


Backstage, Maria the Mic Stand has Rey Mysterio.

MtMS: Maria here, backstage with Rey Mysterio. Rey, your thoughts on your match?
RM: The one tonight, or the one at Licence to Kill?

Maria just stares at Rey blankly. After a second, he just shrugs.

RM: Well at Licence to Kill, I've got a match with the self-proclaimed King of the Mountain himself, Jeff Jarrett. And these last few weeks, he has been nothing but a thorn in my side. Two weeks ago, I had a chance to become WWL World Heavyweight Champion, but Jeff Jarrett couldn't help but come down to the ring and ruin it. And last week, I had a match with JBL that could have propelled me to the number-one contender's spot. And once again, Jeff Jarrett couldn't help but come down to the ring and ruin it. Now I could sit around and complain about that, but I much prefer action to complaint. That's why, last week, when Jeff Jarrett thought he was going to grab an easy win by hitting the Big Show with that guitar of his, I showed up to ruin things for him. And at Licence to Kill, I'm going to ruin things for Jeff Jarrett even more when I pin his shoulders to the mat for the 1-2-3. That Jarrett, he talks a mean game...but words aren't going to do him an ounce of good when he finds himself in the ring with Rey Mysterio.
MtMS: Maria here, backstage with Rey Mysterio. Rey, your thoughts on your match?

Rey considers responding, but elects to just walk away instead. His match is next, after all.


Steven Richards vs. Rey Mysterio

Strong words from Rey Mysterio, who is looking to send a message to Jeff Jarrett here tonight. But Steven Richards is also gearing up for a match at Licence to Kill, where he will take on Matt Hardy. And Richards is likely also looking to send a message here tonight, though I'll be darned if I know what it is. To say Steven has been a little off-kilter lately would be an understatement of epic proportions. Steven starts out the match in Insanity Mode, which is always fun. The evidence seems to suggest that he thinks he, too, is some sort of lightning-quick luchador. Richards and Mysterio do a little bit of stuff that might be considered cruiserweight action, but Steven is a little bigger than the average cruiserweight and he can't do all of the flips properly, causing him to flop around a bit and look pretty stupid. This is Steven Richards, though, so he probably doesn't care.

Because Richards is expending too much energy with ill-intentioned flips and flops (which, by the way, would make a good album title for a band with a name like "Electro-Dolphin"), Mysterio gets the early advantage, with kicks to the legs and head and other important parts of the body. I don't really know how to write cruiserweight offense. Sorry. Richards is able to briefly put Rey down by reversing an Irish whip and sending Rey hard into the turnbuckle, but another Irish whip off the ropes soon leads into Rey's wheelbarrow-pickup-into-bulldog move. That gives Rey another advantage. After getting smacked around by Rey a little bit more, Richards runs Rey over the top, but he lands on the apron. Mysterio drops Steven across the top rope, and as he staggers away, Rey springboards off the top rope with a dropkick to Richards' back. Steven stumbles forward like he's going to go into 619 position, but instead he just tumbles out of the ring. As Richards tries to collect his thoughts (such as they are), Rey runs at him as if for a plancha, but as Richards dodges out of the way, Rey spins himself right back into the ring. Richards gets dropkicked off the apron when he tries to re-enter the ring, and now he's frustrated.

Suddenly, Richards' face contorts, his eyes close, and he clamps his hands to his head. Looks like he's switching from Insanity Mode to Evil Mode. Rey, confused, goes out of the ring after him, but Richards quickly recovers and sends Rey face-first into the ringsteps. Showing a heretofore unseen vicious streak, Richards drives Rey's head into the steps with his knee. He then tosses Rey into the ring and goes for a cover, but only gets two. Now Richards has the advantage, and he's in firm control, as Evil Mode has taken control. Evil Mode enables Richards to use some harder-hitting offense, but Mysterio is still a capable contender and he eventually manages to reverse something into a crazy-ass DDT that seems to spike Richards right on his head. Don't worry, folks. He's okay. But as both competitors get back to their feet, Steven starts shaking his head rapidly. Shaking off Evil Mode maybe? Mysterio goes after Richards, who no-sells the first punch and gives Rey the Hulk Hogan FINGER POINT 'O DOOM. So Rey just kicks him in the knee, which Steven sells because it hurts a lot. Rey takes over on offense, and though Richards gets a brief reprieve here and there, Rey's firmly in control.

With Rey in control, Jeff Jarrett saunters down to ringside, guitar in hand. Rey briefly notices him, but then goes after Richards. Jarrett restrains himself for the time being, though mysteriously, he sets his guitar down leaning against the ring apron, and then re-positions himself. INTRIGUE! Shortly thereafter, Rey gets Richards in 619 position following a drop toe hold, but as he comes off the ropes, Jarrett trips him. Rey shouts at Jarrett, and the referee joins in. But it's all a setup! Steven comes to and spies Jarrett's guitar and, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, he picks it up. The grin on his face seems to indicate Evil Mode creeping back in, but as he raises the guitar behind Rey's unsuspecting back, Matt Hardy is in and he nails Steven with the Side Effect! Matt kicks the guitar out of the ring, then makes his own exit. Mysterio runs at Jarrett and half-dives through the ropes to kick him right in the face. Jarrett hits the ground, and Mysterio pulls himself up on the apron. As Richards staggers over, Mysterio springs off the top and delivers the West Coast Pop to get the three.

Rey Mysterio pinned Steven Richards with the West Coast Pop in 0:09:25.
Rating: **** 1/4


Coming back from break, Christopher Nowinski is backstage with Matt Hardy.

CN: Well, Matt, after that ghastly display of violence, what do you have to say for yourself?
MH (ignoring Nowinski's tone): Last week, Steven Richards, you jumped me from behind. Well this week, you got a taste of your own medicine. I don't know what the hell's wrong with you, and I don't care. At Licence to Kill, you're going to - once again - find yourself beaten and humiliated by the Sensei of Mattitude.

Matt gives the Shocker/Mattitude hand signal and walks off. Short but sweet, like all the best Matt Hardy promos.


Extreme Rules: La Resistance vs. Rhyno & The Sandman

Rhyno and the Sandman are headed into Licence to Kill for an Extreme Rules tag match against Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari, the stipulation being that if Hassan and Daivari win, Hassan is the new Intercontinental Champion. For those of you that forgot during the colossal gap between by postings of WWL, Rhyno is the Intercontinental Champion. Thing is, Rhyno and the Sandman - while allies - have yet to tag together in a WWL ring. And thus, we have this match as a warmup of sorts. Rene Dupree of La Resistance challenged Rhyno last week for the Intercontinental Title, but that match only lasted a few seconds before Hassan and Daivari ran in to attack Rhyno and draw the DQ, so...here we are.

Right out of the gate, this is Rhyno and Sandman's match. Now, that's not to say that La Resistance are not fine competitors, it's just that Paul Heyman has made this match Extreme Rules and, well, that ain't exactly La Resistance's cup of tea. Or cup of...whatever it is they drink in France. It ain't exactly their cup of wine, which is far better than American wine, oh-hoh-hoh-hoh. Anyways, La Res are not particularly enthusiastic about things as they are to start, and their opponents take advantage by firing off on them. Sandman tosses Sylvain Grenier over the top rope to the outside while Rhyno hammers Dupree in the corner. Sandman rolls out of the ring, but he's not going for Grenier, oh no - he's going for the Singapore cane! Sandman brings the cane into the ring and Rhyno shoves Dupree toward him aaaaaand...WHACK! Right to the gut! Sandman canes Dupree over the back a time or two while Rhyno adds in some stomps, and then Sandman drops Dupree with a cane shot right to the face. Rhyno goes over to the edge of the ring as if he's going to go get Grenier, but he gets a face full of French flag (say that five times fast). Grenier re-enters the ring, French flag in hand, and gives Rhyno another solid shot with it.

Sandman comes over with the cane, and we have ourselves an old-fashioned showdown. After a moment or two of pause-for-emphasis, Grenier and Sandman both go for the first strike and we have ourselves a duel. Flag versus cane! Who will be the victor? Answer: Sandman, who after a few clashes of cane and flag is able to parry a shot and whack Grenier in the knee. Sandman then sets to work a-caning Grenier. Meanwhile, Rhyno is up and he goes over to fire off on Dupree. Rhyno and Sandman corner their opponents in opposite turnbuckles, then whip them into each other. Coming out of that, Sandman drops Grenier with a clothesline while Rhyno flattens Dupree with a spinebuster. Grenier rolls out of the ring, so Rhyno and Sandman double-team Grenier for a little while. Rhyno sizes Grenier up for the Gore, but Dupree pulls Grenier out of the ring to regroup. Rhyno and Sandman just sort of glance at each other, shrug, then go out and get both members of La Res and toss them back in.

Before Rhyno and Sandman are able to re-enter the ring themselves, Hassan and Daivari saunter down to ringside. Rhyno and Sandman glare at them, but re-enter the ring nonetheless and go back to work on La Resistance. The Arab-Americans do not move to enter the ring, but instead make their way around over to the timekeeper's table. As Rhyno and Sandman continue pounding La Res, Daivari picks up the Intercontinental Title belt and straps it around Hassan's waist. Hassan doesn't seem to be trying to steal the belt - he looks to just be trying it on, obviously anticipating winning it in six days. This briefly distracts the faces, and Grenier sees his opportunity and gives Rhyno a low blow. He then picks up Sandman's cane (Sandman is still looking at Hassan and Daivari) and nails him in the back with it. La Resistance take the advantage as they double-team the Sandman and stomp him. Hassan and Daivari smirk, assholes that they are. La Res have a brief moment of control and even seem to be setting up Sandman for the Bon Soir when Rhyno gets back up to his feet and hits the both of them from behind with the French flag before tossing it out of the ring in disgust. Sandman recovers, and he drops Grenier with a Russian legsweep while Rhyno sends Dupree to the corner and drills him with a running shoulderblock. Dupree staggers out and gets caned right in the face by Sandman, sending him tumbling out of the ring. Sandman drags Grenier to his feet, and Rhyno GORE GORE GORES the life out of him before mercifully covering for three.

[Extreme Rules]: No-Countout-No-DQ-Match:
Rhyno and The Sandman defeated La Resistance (Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier) when Rhyno pinned S. Grenier with the Gore in 0:06:21.
Rating: **

The match is over, and Hassan and Daivari decide that discretion is the better part of valor, as Daivari removes the belt from Hassan's waist and sets it back on the timekeeper's table. They saunter away from the ring as Rhyno and the Sandman continue to glare and shout things at them.


Backstage, Shawn Michaels is WALKING. Ostensibly toward the ring for his match with Gene Snitsky, which is coming up next. As he turns a corner, he almost runs right smack into Carlito Caribbean Cool. Shawn's expression sours, but Carlito is all smiles.

CCC: Hey Shawn. Whassup?
SM: Look, you goofy-haired punk, I am not in ANY mood to be dealing with your crap, so—
CCC: Whoa! Come on, mang, relax. You're so uptight these days, Shawn. I know just the cure for that.

Carlito offers Shawn an apple, but Shawn just stares daggers at him.

CCC: Or doom yourself to an early grave. Whatever floats your boat.
SM: Carlito, I know what you're thinking, alright? I know you're going to watch my match with Gene Snitsky, and I know you're going to be sitting back and waiting for the right time to run in and jump me from behind AGAIN.
CCC: Pfft. I don't know what would give you—
SM: But before you do that, I want you to think about it very carefully. Because in six days, you and I are going to go one-on-one inside a steel cage, and there won't be anybody to save you from the beating I'm gonna lay on ya. So I want you to think very, very hard about just how much worse that experience will be if you decide to do what you always do, which is blindside me as soon as I turn my back. THINK ABOUT THAT.
CCC: You know, Shawn...you worry too much. And that...

Carlito takes a big bite of his apple and chews it very slowly. Shawn doesn't even flinch. Carlito eventually just swallows his mouthful of apple with a grin.

CCC: ...That's cool. Because that's just the way Carlito likes it.

Carlito walks away, Shawn glaring after him as he goes.


Shawn Michaels vs. Gene Snitsky

Shawn has Carlito in a steel cage at Licence to Kill, but for now, he has a chance to get some payback on Gene Snitsky for his role in the beatdowns Shawn has suffered over the course of the last few weeks. Still, while Carlito has been doing everything he can do dodge Shawn (though he might not word things that way), Snitsky is a dangerous competitor and he never backs down from a fight. Shawn is going to have his hands full in this one.

As soon as Snitsky steps into the ring, Shawn is on him. This fast-and-furious approach is what Shawn employed for his last match with the monster from Nesquehoning, and then, it caught the big man off-guard long enough for Shawn to gain the early advantage. This time, Shawn is able to back Snitsky to the ropes just as he did before, but as he goes to take him to the outside with a clothesline as before, Snitsky ducks and backdrops Shawn over the top. Shawn lands on the apron and he continues to hammer on Snitsky, but Snitsky fights back with a few hard shots of his own. Shawn rakes the eyes and goes for a hangman, but Snitsky is able to block it and he shoves Shawn off the apron hard to the floor below. Ouch. Snitsky immediately follows Shawn out. Snitsky slams Shawn head into the ring apron a couple of times, then scoops him up onto his shoulder with designs on dropping him onto the guardrail. Shawn squirms free, though, and he hits a knee to the gut before slamming Snitsky's face into the guardrail. Good try, Shawn, but I'm not sure he can get any uglier. In fact, it looks like Snitsky barely even felt that, as he just sorta snarls at Shawn. Shawn isn't one to be intimidated, though, and he drives Snitsky's face into the guardrail twice more for good measure. He definitely feels that. The referee admonishes Shawn to take it back in the ring, and Snitsky recovers enough to hit a knee to the gut of his own and toss Shawn in under the bottom rope before re-entering the ring himself.

Snitsky takes the brief advantage with some standard brawling. He runs through his usual early-match offense of punches, stomps and chokes, not giving Shawn an opportunity to fight back. On a couple of occasions, Shawn starts fighting back with punches or chops, but Snitsky is always able to shut him back down. Well, not "always," really, just for a short while. Eventually, Shawn is able to counter a Snitsky clothesline into a crucifix, and while that only keeps Snitsky down for two, when he charges at Shawn upon kicking out, Shawn takes him down with a drop toe hold. Shawn floats over into a headlock and locks it in tight. Could it be he's capable of out-wrestling Gene Snitsky? No! Surely not! Shawn uses his technical acumen to keep Snitsky contained, as the big man is not exceedingly familiar with the "wrestling" part of wrestling and thus cannot compete with Shawn on this note. Snitsky eventually tries to fight out by lifting Shawn from a headlock into a back suplex, but Shawn escapes and delivers a neckbreaker for two. Shawn continues to dominate Snitsky as best he can until he goes for a sunset flip. Snitsky steadies himself and goes to stomp on Shawn's head, but Shawn slips out and gets a running start coming off the ropes. What the running start was for, we may never know, because he gets leveled on the return by a big boot from Snitsky. Snitsky takes a moment to shake out the cobwebs and then covers, but Shawn is able to barely get the shoulder up.

That moved turned the tide of the match, and now Snitsky is in firm control, throwing in some power moves to go along with the occasional punch/stomp/choke. But this is Shawn Michaels we're talking about here, and his JESUS POWER~ allows him to kick out of a sidewalk slam and even a press slam. Snitsky grabs Shawn by the legs and it looks like he might be trying to actually apply a submission hold - a Boston crab, from the looks of things - but Shawn struggles to the ropes before he can get it locked in. Snitsky drags Shawn away from the ropes and tries again, but Shawn is able to get back to the ropes in time. Frustrated, Snitsky simply yanks Shawn off the ropes, lifts him high in the air and drops him. He gives an angry facial expression presumably intended to convey "it's over" and lines Shawn up for another big boot. Snitsky charges, but Shawn ducks the boot, and as Snitsky turns, Shawn catches him out of nowhere with some Sweet Chin Music! Snitsky takes the hit hard, and he stumbles back and falls out of the ring while Shawn drops to the canvas, exhausted. Shawn slowly pulls himself up as the referee administers the count to Snitsky. Shawn doesn't bother to go out after Snitsky, hoping he will get counted out, but just before the ref's count reaches 10, Snitsky rolls back into the ring. Shawn can't believe it.

Shawn covers, but Snitsky has recovered enough to get a foot on the rope. Shawn then hooks the leg, but Snitsky kicks out. How do you keep this guy down? Shawn assails his opponent with chops in the corner, but Snitsky shoves him away. Snitsky charges, but Shawn sidesteps and is able to apply a sleeperhold. THAT is how you get a big man to stay down. Snitsky tries to struggle out, but Shawn keeps the hold locked in, getting Snitsky to stagger and eventually drop to one knee. Snitsky then drops to the ground. The referee lifts the arm once, it drops. Lifts it twice, it drops. Lifts it a third time...and it stays up. Shawn gives the ref an expression of "Oh, COME ON!" Snitsky turns into the hold and is able to slowly get back to his feet. Eventually, he shoves Shawn off into the ropes. Shawn delivers a clothesline on the rebound and covers for two. Frustrated, Shawn goes to the top rope, but Snitsky is up and he nails Shawn in the stomach. Snitsky climbs up and it looks like there might be a superplex coming, but Shawn fights back and knocks Snitsky off the top to the ground. Shawn soars off, but Snitsky raises a foot and Shawn catches it right in the face.

Both men are down, and as they struggle to regain their feet, Carlito saunters down to ringside to a chorus of boos. A slugfest ensues as both men get up, with Snitsky having the immediate advantage. Shawn rakes the eyes, though, and puts Snitsky down with a dropkick. Another dropkick puts the big man down again, but Snitsky catches Shawn's feet on a third attempt and manages to apply the Boston crab he had been going for earlier. And right on that SURGICALLY-REPAIRED~ back! Oh noes! Shawn is in a lot of pain, but despite early indications that he might not be able to escape, he slowly drags himself toward the ropes. When he's almost there, Carlito spews a mouthful of apple in his face, distracting Shawn and allowing Snitsky to drag him away from the ropes. Shawn valiantly tries to escape, dragging himself toward the ropes again, but slumps to the mat. The referee raises the hand once, it drops. Raises it twice, it drops. Raises it three times, it drops...and lands on the bottom rope. Shawn stays alive for now and Snitsky is forced to break the hold. Once again signaling that it's over, he hefts Shawn for a pump-handle slam, but Shawn slips out, kicks Snitsky in the gut and spikes him with a DDT. After both men are down briefly, Shawn covers but only gets two again. As both men get up, a quick series of reversals results in Shawn being sent off the ropes, ducking a Snitsky clothesline and delivering a flying forearm.

Both men are down again, but Shawn kips up! The JESUS POWER~ is alive and well! Shawn gets an inverted atomic drop, a clothesline, and a (with some difficulty) bodyslam. Shawn goes up top and delivers the flying elbow, the crowd cheering him on. Shawn starts tuning up the band, but before Snitsky can stumble into Sweet Chin Music range, Carlito grabs Shawn's foot. Shawn isn't having that, and he quickly reaches out and snags Carlito by the afro. Carlito has a second or two to give us "heel fear" before Shawn yanks him into the ring and starts pummeling him. The ref tries to break it up, but he can't call for a disqualification because Shawn brought Carlito into the ring. The ref drags Shawn off, but he jumps right back on Carlito. Finally, the ref is able to separate them and he struggles to get Carlito out of the ring. While the ref has his back turned, Shawn turns around and Snitsky absolutely LEVELS him with the ring bell, which he must have gone out and gotten during the confusion. Snitsky tosses the bell out of the ring and covers. The ref turns around and counts one, two, god damn it THREE. Snitsky can thank Carlito for this one.

Gene Snitsky pinned Shawn Michaels after hitting him with the ring bell in 0:13:04.
Rating: **** 1/4

Okay, it's bizarre enough that Gene Snitsky can draw over four stars, but I seriously have NO idea how to write a four-star Snitsky match, FYI. Shawn is the workrate masta. Would you believe that despite having two four-star-plus matches on Action, the highest-rated match on this card was a dark match between Jeff Jarrett and Konnan that ran a little long? No joke. Carlito smirks over at the downed Michaels before taking his leave of ringside while Snitsky works the crowd. Said crowd is not happy, but they should be because Shawn dragged a good match out of Snitsky. Ingrates.


Coming back from commercial, we see a "during the break" segment that shows Shawn Michaels storming away from the ring after getting back to his feet and shoving away a camera man who gets too close to him. He's pissed. Shock of shocks.


But meanwhile, back in the ring, things have been set up for the Snake Pit. Jake "The Snake" Roberts is in the ring with a microphone.

JR: Welcome to the Snake Pit.

Pause for requisite pop.

JR: I'm here tonight for two reasons. The first is an interview with the WWL World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho.

The crowd boos at the mention of Jericho's name.

JR: The second is a major announcement regarding the main event of Licence to Kill, coming up in six days on pay-per-view. Now, I know all of you want to hear it, but first, I have business to attend to. Ladies and gentlemen, WWL World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho.

Y5J...Y4J...Y3J...Y2J...KABOOM! Chris Jericho makes his second entrance of the night, this time flanked by Jerichoholics Anonymous. Disco Inferno and Lenny Lane hold the ropes open for Jericho as he enters to the boos of the crowd. After a moment of showboating, Jericho's music cuts and Jake the Snake addresses him.

JR: Good to have you on the Snake Pit, Chris.
CJ: Yeah, yeah, I'm just thrilled to be here. What's this major announcement? What joyous surprise could our esteemed boss possibly have in store for me?
JR: All in good time, Mr. Jericho, all in good time. First, we've got business to attend to.
CJ: Business? BUSINESS? Now listen here, jerky, Paul Heyman may be the boss, but I'm the World Heavyweight Champion, and as much as Heyman doesn't like to admit it, I run this show. So why don't you get to—(interrupted)
JR: Now look here, Jericho. You may be the World Heavyweight Champion, and you may have a two-man advantage on me, but if you think I won't start handing out DDTs if you get out of line, you've got another thing coming. And just remember, out of the two snakes in this ring, I'm the nice one.

Jake whips off the sheet covering the glass snake cage, revealing the colossal python underneath. Jericho gulps and stands his ground, though both of his henchmen recoil in fear.

JR: Now that we've got that settled, Jericho, my question for you is this: What did you expect to gain by arranging with Wrestling Royalty to have the Big Show taken out of the picture?
CJ: What did I have to gain? What do you THINK I had to gain? Have you SEEN the Big Slow? The man could quite literally eat me if the mood struck him. Hell, he could eat me, you, Disco, Lenny, and your slithery friend over there, and still come back for seconds. The further I am from his digestive system, the better.
JR: Is that all?
CJ: Well, I'm pretty sure I could go on for hours about why keeping Big Slow out of the main event at Licence to Kill is a positive thing - heck, a good half of that time would be spent describing the smell - but I think you get the idea.
JR: And I don't suppose the fact that he just might have walked out of Licence to Kill with your WWL World Heavyweight Title had anything to do with it?
CJ: What are you implying, junior? That I'm afraid of the Big Slow? Pah! It might take me a couple of minutes, but I could run circles around that big useless tub of lard. I won't let the likes of him take away...my precious.

Jericho pets the title belt.

CJ: But what are you doing asking me what I have to gain? It wasn't Y-2-J who turned the Big Slow's knee into a pretzel! I was just standing out there on the entrance ramp, minding my own business, trying to come up with new ways to rock that will supersede all currently known forms of rocking, when that dastardly duo, Wrestling Royalty, committed a heinous assault on my future opponent. What was I to do? There were two of them and only one of me! I was powerless to stop them!
JR: You know, Chris...you may have them all fooled, but you can't fool me.
CJ: What the hell are you talking—(interrupted)
JR: I was watching your eyes when I mentioned the Big Show. You may talk a mean game about how he's unworthy of your title, and about how what happened to him wasn't your fault, but I saw the truth in your eyes, Jericho. I saw fear.
CJ: Fear? Well what the hell do you know, anyway? I'm the WWL World Heavyweight Champion, and you're just—(interrupted)
JR: What do I know? I know the fate of your WWL Title match at Licence to Kill. And if you feel like calming down, I just might tell you.

Jericho looks like he's going to flip out, but he keeps his cool as best he can.

JR: This comes straight from the boss man himself, Mr. Paul Heyman. After the Big Show suffered his initial knee injury last week, Paul came up with a contingency plan just in case the Big Show were to be unable to make it to Licence to Kill. And since you and Wrestling Royalty helped speed along that process, Paul has elected to go forward with his plan. Now, I know you think your match at Licence to Kill will now be simply a one-on-one affair between yourself and JBL for the WWL World Heavyweight Title. But I've got news for you: You will still be defending that belt in a triple threat match.
CJ: WHAT? That slimeball Heyman is adding someone to the match? Why I oughta...
JR: Oh no, Chris, don't misunderstand. No one is being added to your match. Let's just say that someone will be...changing roles.

Suddenly Jericho's eyes go really, really wide.

CJ: NO NO NO NO NO. Heyman CANNOT do this. I've beaten that loser more times than I care to count!
JR: That's right - at Licence to Kill, with the WWL World Heavyweight Title on the line, it will be Chris Jericho versus JBL versus Diamond...Dallas...Page!

The crowd pops. Jericho is pissed.

CJ: YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME, HEYMAN! Disco, Lenny, go find Paul Heyman and let him know that he and I need to chat!
DI/LL (simultaneously): SIR, YES SIR!

Jerichoholics Anonymous exit the ring and charge backstage. Jericho is about to follow when Jake puts his hand on his shoulder.

JR: Just one more thing, Chris.
CJ: What else could you POSSIBLY want??!
JR: I just wanted to wish you good luck. Because if you're going to be defending your title against Diamond Dallas Page again, you're going to need it.

Jake leans in close.

JR: ...Trust me.

Jericho pauses for a moment, then runs backstage after his minions. Commercial time.


Coming back from commercial, Chris Jericho is frantically searching for Paul Heyman backstage.

CJ: HEYMAAAAAN! Come out and take your medicine!

Finding the door to Heyman's office, Jericho bursts through it.

CJ: HEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY!

The camera moves around to show that no one is in Heyman's office.

CJ: That dramatic entrance for nothing. I'm so disappointed.
PH: What can I do for you, Chris?
CJ: AH!

Jericho turns to see Heyman behind him, having come from another direction.

CJ: YOU! What on earth do you think you're doing, making Diamond Dennis an active participant in my match? How many times do I have to beat him before you realize that he is not worthy to wipe the sweat off my beautiful, beautiful title belt?
PH: You and JBL blatantly took out the man you were to face at Licence to Kill in as cowardly a manner as possible. Did you expect me to reward you?
CJ: That would have been nice...but that's not the point! I am the Ayatollah of Rock 'n Rollah, the Highlight of the Night! I'm up to my ears in fortune, fame and ladies of questionable moral character! What has Diamond Dennis done to prove himself worthy of my title? His only talent is losing to me, and even that's getting awfully tiresome to watch!
PH: Just be glad you have six days to get ready, Chris. Complain all you like, but your match at Licence to Kill has been set, and you will not sway my decision. Any further questions?
CJ: You...I...GRRR! I'll make you pay for this, Heyman! I'll make you—actually, I do have a further question. Where are those worthless subordinates of mine? They were supposed to go find you.

Heyman grins widely, then walks into his office and shuts the door.

CJ: How rude.
LL (offscreen): Boss, come quick! Disco glued his hands to his face again!
CJ: AGAIN? I was only gone for five minutes!

Jericho stomps offscreen, flustered. And now, back to the ring to resume the wrestling portion of our evening.


Jamie Noble, Kid Kash & Dean Malenko vs. Ultimo Dragon, Funaki & Chris Sabin

Jamie Noble has been working for weeks to show Ultimo Dragon that he is a worthy contender for Dragon's WWL Cruiserweight Title, and last week, he earned a title shot with a victory in a fatal four-way match. Tonight is his final chance to prove himself, but Ultimo Dragon is not going to make it easy for him. Noble is raring to go, but this one starts civilly and not with a big brawl. Really, if the Dudley Boyz and Law Firm can be involved in a match that doesn't start off with a brawl, surely these key members of the cruiserweight division can do likewise, eh? Noble wants to start off with Ultimo Dragon, but Dean Malenko opts to start instead, presumably thinking that his get-up-and-go spirit will prevent the crowd from chanting "boring" at him. But, he's wrong, as once again he opts not to execute any striking moves, going only for armwrenches and such. Malenko keeps his composure for now and he and Dragon have some back-and-forth action that - despite the crowd's razzing on Malenko - is pretty good.

Tags are made. Low-impact moves are executed. Earlier I elaborated on how difficult it is to write these sorts of multi-superstar matches, and to top it off, I have trouble writing cruiserweight action as well, so there's really only so much I can do in terms of recapping this early part of the match, know what I'm saying? Wow that is one long run-on sentence. Suffice to say, the opening minutes of the match involve a lot of tags and a lot of back-and-forth, and neither side is really able to get a big advantage. But eventually things get interesting. While Funaki and Kid Kash are legal in the ring, Noble low-bridges Funaki as he runs toward the ropes. Kash then gets the attention of the referee as Noble and Malenko attack Funaki (the attack is amusing, because while Noble is just stomping and punching Funaki, Malenko keeps trying to put restholds on him). Finally, Chris Sabin has seen enough, and he steps into the ring, gets a running start and leaps over the top rope with a plancha onto all three of them. Not to be outdone, Kash abandons his distraction and vaults over the top rope himself onto the four individuals outside the ring. That leaves just Ultimo Dragon, and he goes out to the apron, springs to the top rope and nails a beautiful moonsault onto everyone. That leads into a commercial! EXCITEMENT~!

Back from commercial, and everyone has recovered. The faces have the advantage, but that soon comes to a halt when Kash kicks Funaki in the head from the apron and Noble drills him with a DDT. The heels control Funaki for a while, but his resilience and timely run-ins from his tag-team partners prevent him from being pinned for the three, though he also finds himself unable to reach the ropes. A huracanrana on Kash almost allows Funaki to crawl over and make the tag, but Malenko is tagged in and he grabs Funaki's leg, drags him to the middle of the ring and applies a leg grapevine. Funaki is in pain, but when you have tag partners to save you, tapping out always seems a little less enticing. The crowd starts trying to pump Funaki up (um, sort of) by starting in on Malenko with the "boring" chants, and although he starts trying to wrench the hold in harder, Funaki still won't give up and Malenko finally starts yelling at the crowd. To emphasize his point, he takes his hands off the hold momentarily and makes an obscene gesture, giving Funaki the chance to roll over and kick him right in the face. Malenko crawls over and tags Noble, and Funaki is finally able to make it to his corner and tag Dragon.

Dragon comes in all HOUSE AFIRE~, and after a brief struggle with Noble, puts him down with a spinning heel kick. Kash comes in and he gets a roundhouse kick, and Malenko follows to eat one too. Noble grabs Dragon from behind and picks him up as if for a back suplex, but Dragon struggles and manages to kick both Malenko and Kash in the face as they come over to assist, then connects with a bulldog on Noble. Cover gets two. Dragon gets a jumping DDT on Noble for another two. He then runs to the ropes for an Asai moonsault, but Noble gets his knees up. Dragon crash-lands on the knees and staggers back to the ropes, where Sabin makes a blind tag. Sabin climbs to the top rope and nails Noble with a flying cross body to get two. Sabin sets up Noble for the Future Shock, but he slides down Sabin's back and shoves him into Ultimo Dragon, sending Dragon through the ropes to the outside. Noble drops Sabin with a neckbreaker and goes out after Dragon. Kash comes back in and attacks Sabin, and a quick series of reversals results in both of them tumbling to the outside as well via a Sabin clothesline.

Malenko gets back to his feet in the ring and Funaki charges him with a dropkick, but Malenko catches his feet and starts trying to apply the Texas Cloverleaf. Malenko clearly expects the "boring" chants to start again, but the crowd is too occupied with all the action, and as he hesitates for a second, Funaki rolls him over into a small package for a very long two-count. Malenko gets back to his feet and tries to apply a wristlock or something to Funaki, but Funaki knees him in the gut, runs to the turnbuckle and delivers the Tornado DDT. Malenko is out, but before Funaki can cover, Kid Kash is back in, and he quickly kicks Funaki in the gut, hoists him up and delivers a brainbuster. He then covers, but Dragon comes back in and breaks it up at a one-count, then drills Kash with the Asai DDT. Before HE can get the three-count, though, Noble comes back in, and he is quickly able to hit a tiger driver onto Dragon. Finally, Sabin comes back in, nails Kash, and hoists him up onto his shoulders for the Cradle Shock. But once again, Noble slips out, and he quickly manages to hoist Sabin up instead and nail him with his bitchin' double knee gutbuster. Noble covers Sabin to get the victory for his team.

Jamie Noble, Dean Malenko and Kid Kash defeated Ultimo Dragon, Funaki and Chris Sabin when Noble pinned Sabin after a double knee gutbuster in 0:11:21.
Rating: *** 1/4

Noble stares at the downed Ultimo Dragon as the referee raises his hand. He stands tall going into Licence to Kill. Noble taunts Dragon with gestures that indicate the belt will be his.


After a commercial break, the commentators run down the card for Licence to Kill, as set to Nine Inch Nails' "The Hands That Feeds." I'd run it down myself, but really, you can wait until the end of this post, can't you? As they're about to finish...ALAYLEAAHHHHHHALAYLEAHLAYLEAHLAYLEAHHHHH. Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari head down to the ring, the crowd booing the crap out of them. Both of them have mics.

MH: Well. It just wouldn't be a Monday night if I didn't have the opportunity to hear the hateful response of a prejudiced mob that would like nothing more than to never have to see my face on WWL television again.

The crowd boos profusely.

KD: (shouts something incomprehensible in Farsi)
MH: Never mind the fact that Daivari and myself are Arab-AMERICANS. You people are content to just sit out there in the audience and boo, chant U-S-A, and whisper in hushed tones about how people like us are what's wrong with America. It is truly unfortunate that none of you realize the truth: That it is YOU who represent what is wrong with America! You see, the two men who stand before you in this ring are what Americans should be: honest, hard-working and vigilant, seeking only the freedom to practice our way of life without being harangued for our beliefs. And yet, whenever we show our faces, you people treat us as if we are trying to bring down your country piece by piece. If ANYONE is bringing down this country, it is individuals like yourselves, who like nothing more than practicing hate, bigotry, sloth and prejudice! Every time you boo myself or Daivari just because our skin is darker than yours, because we practice a different religion, because we tell you the TRUTH, you unravel just a little bit more of your precious America's moral fiber!
KD: (shouts something incomprehensible in Farsi)
MH: But tonight, I will not waste any more of my time telling you people what you should already know. Tonight, I am here to issue a challenge. At Licence to Kill, Daivari and I will face Rhyno and the Sandman in an "Extreme Rules" match. And even though Paul Heyman has clearly added this stipulation as part of a plan to ensure that Daivari and I come out on the losing end, we will rise above those who would seek to keep us down and walk away victorious. When I come out of Licence to Kill, you people will be forced to pay homage to me as the new WWL Intercontinental Champion! And since Rhyno did not issue his customary open challenge tonight, I will issue one of my own. If there is any man in the back who thinks he stands any chance against the great Muhammad Hassan, let him speak now or forever hold his peace...the peace your nation will never see unless it changes its hateful ways!

The crowd boos hard. Hassan just stands there soaking it up. But, that only lasts a few seconds before being replaced by the soothing sound of TURN IT UP! BANGIN' IT BANGIN' IT BANGIN' IT BANGIN' IT...Scotty 2-Hotty has come to answer the challenge! He dances down to the ring and the match is on!

Muhammad Hassan vs. Scotty 2-Hotty

Scotty may have danced his way to the ring, but as soon as he enters, he goes right for Muhammad Hassan. Hassan is a little bit taken aback (he was probably planning to attack Scotty as soon as he turned his back) and Scotty gets some shots in before Hassan can cover up. He gets a quick near-fall after Hassan whips him to the ropes, misses a clothesline, and gets hit with a cross-body. Hassan kicks out and goes for a clothesline again, but Scotty counters this one into a crucifix for another near-fall. Hassan delivers a couple of quick shots to Scotty, but as he goes for another clothesline, Scotty moves and Hassan tumbles out of the ring. Hassan pounds the mat in frustration as Scotty taunts him.

Hassan re-enters and we get a proper start to the match with a lockup. That leads into a brief period of headlocks, restholds and reversals that, if it's all right with you, I'll just gloss over here. Hassan eventually gets the early advantage by whipping Scotty hard chest-first into the turnbuckle, then nailing him with a lariat to the back of the heat as Scotty stumbles away from the turnbuckle. That throws Scotty for a loop, but he still manages to kick out of the subsequent cover. Hassan dominates Scotty for a little while, primarily with brawling and restholds. To add insult to injury, he chokes Scotty in the ropes while Daivari rants at Scotty in Farsi. Hassan re-applies the choke after breaking it the first time, then has a brief philosophical discussion with the referee over it. Daivari looks like he's considering nailing Scotty, but Scotty spits right in his face and Daivari is pissed. Daivari gets up on the apron to yell at Scotty, and as Hassan approaches, Scotty is able to pushes him into Daivari, knocking Daivari off the apron. Scotty rolls up Hassan and gets a very close two-count.

Hassan's been thrown off a little, and Scotty takes advantage by firing off on him. After a couple of near-fall pinning combination-type things, Scotty is able to connect with a thrust kick that flattens Hassan. Scotty covers but Hassan is able to kick out once again. A top-rope cross-body gets another long two. Scotty is giving Hassan a run for his money. Hassan starts to get back to his feet, and Scotty sees his opening. He goes in for the facecrusher, but Hassan spins and levels Scotty with a clothesline that practically knocks him out of his boots. Hassan drags Scotty up and connects with his modified Flatliner, then rolls on top of Scotty. After giving the throat cut, Hassan locks in the Camel Clutch. Scotty tries to hold out, but the pressure being applied by Hassan and the string of insults from Daivari are too much and he has to give up.

Muhammad Hassan made Scotty 2-Hotty submit to the Camel Clutch in 0:06:15.
Rating: ** ¾

Hassan releases the Camel Clutch after the bell rings, but then Daivari enters the ring and Hassan re-applies the hold. With Scotty locked in the Camel Clutch, Daivari comes off the ropes and nails Scotty with a stiff dropkick to the face. Rhyno and the Sandman run down to make the save, but Hassan and Daivari see them coming and are able to escape without a scuffle. The two sides have a staredown as Hassan and Daivari head to the back.

Keep readin'...
AllPowerfulGARTHPosted on 10/25/06 at 14:07:58

...And we're back.

Sean Edmunds is backstage.

SE: Ladies and gentlemen, with me at this time is the man who has just been named as the Big Show's replacement at Licence to Kill, Diamond Dallas Page.

The crowd cheers as the camera pans over to DDP.

SE: DDP, at the beginning of the night, you were the special guest referee for the WWL World Heavyweight Title match at Licence to Kill, and now, you will compete in that match. What are your thoughts?
DDP: Sean, I didn't ask to be put in that match, so right now, all I can do is say "Thank you" to Paul Heyman. Thank you for giving me another shot at the WWL World Heavyweight Title, and thank you for giving me another chance to beat that slimy cheat Chris Jericho. Jericho may hold two victories over me, but at Licence to Kill, the third time is going to be the charm, and I will walk out with his "precious" title belt around my waist.
SE: Of course, the big difference between this match and your previous matches with Chris Jericho is the presence of JBL as part of the match. How do you hope to overcome that additional complication?
DDP: JBL will be a factor at Licence to Kill, but he is not gonna stand in my way, Sean. Me and Jericho, we've got some unfinished business, and if I have to take out JBL to finish that business with Jericho, then so be it. I've got JBL tonight, and I'm sure Jericho is gonna show his face down at ringside, but right now, Sean, I'm jacked to the moon. I'm so close to that championship that I can taste it. Tonight, it's gonna be JBL, and on Sunday, it's gonna be Jericho - those two jagoffs are gonna FEEL...THE...BANG!

DDP gives the sign for the Diamond Cutter as we cut to commercial.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Diamond Dallas Page

It's the battle of the three-letter acronyms here on Action! Unfortunately, IRS was not available for a guest-referee gig. What the hell is that about? What else could that guy possibly have to do nowadays? To the surprise of no one, Jeff Jarrett accompanies JBL to the ring. JBL wants that psychological edge going into Licence to Kill, and he's willing to take some liberties to do it. DDP shows no fear of Jarrett, but he's going to be thinking hard about how to deal with that extra element. JBL tries to back-jump DDP as his attention is on Jarrett, but DDP turns before he gets the chance and JBL just has to play it off as stretching. Smoooooooooth. We get a pretty standard lockup to start, followed by some pretty standard action. DDP is a very methodical worker, and no one will ever accuse JBL of having a penchant for fast-paced action, so our first few minutes aren't going to be exceedingly breathtaking. Luckily, you don't need to DVR this match to fast-forward it - that's why you have me.

After a couple minutes of not-technically-boring-but-at-the-same-time-not-really-worth-recapping action, JBL ducks under a clothesline and hits DDP with a big shoulderblock coming off the ropes. DDP goes down, and as he tries to get up, JBL charges, but DDP backdrops him over the top. JBL tries to take a breather, but DDP follows him out. A quick battle on the outside sees JBL back DDP into the apron, but DDP comes back and slams JBL's head into the ring steps. After a little bit of staggering around, JBL re-enters the ring and DDP attempts to follow, but JBL kicks him in the face, sending DDP back to the outside. JBL distracts the referee while Jarrett nails DDP in the back, but the referee catches Jarrett standing over the downed DDP and ejects Jarrett from ringside amid much complaining from both members of Wrestling Royalty.

Naturally, JBL complains to the ref about this, and that gives DDP time to recover. DDP gets some shoulderblocks coming into the ring, then steps through the ropes and gets a neckbreaker for two. DDP starts off with a proscribed advantage here, but as we've discussed before, he isn't the hardest hitter and JBL is able to avoid being pinned without an enormous amount of effort. After JBL backdrops his way out of an attempted front flapjack, he gets a brief edge, but he goes for the Clothesline From Hell too early, and DDP ducks. As JBL turns, DDP goes for a kick, and JBL catches his foot, but he foolishly spins DDP around with means it's time for DDP to connect with a clothesline of his own. The cover gets two and DDP gets the advantage again. This time, DDP's advantage ends when he misses a clothesline of his own and runs into a big boot from JBL.

Once JBL gets the edge in the match, he uses brawling and power moves to keep DDP under control. DDP is resilient, but that will only get you so far against a bullying brute like JBL. After JBL gets a near-fall with the Last Call, Chris Jericho saunters down to ringside. Well, it was only going to be a matter of time before we saw that. As he beats on DDP, JBL takes a brief moment to warn Jericho not to get involved (oh sure, John, we all believe that's what you want), but besides that he's all business (hyuk hyuk). When JBL goes for a powerbomb, DDP escapes and slingshots JBL into the turnbuckle. DDP unleashes a flurry of right hands, then comes off the ropes for more, but the ref is over by JBL and Jericho is able to trip DDP. Jericho then quickly slips around to another side of the ring so as to avoid suspicion. Of course, the referee still suspects him, but he can't argue with the facts - if the one guy is down over THERE, and the other guy is way over THERE, there can't be a connection, right? I mean, why would the other guy leave the scene of the attack? JBL keeps the advantage. After a hard bodyslam, JBL goes up top (WHY??!), but DDP is up in time and he nails Bradshaw in the gut a couple of times. DDP climbs up and delivers a superplex that puts both men down.

As both men get back to their feet, a slugfest ensues, and DDP uses his mad babyface skillzzzzzzz to get the advantage. He quickly gets a two-count with a back suplex, then another with a powerslam. As DDP gives the sign for the Diamond Cutter, JBL tries to subtly roll out of the ring, but DDP grabs his foot and drags him back in. As DDP tries to bring JBL to his feet, JBL rakes the eyes, then gets a kick to the midsection and a DDT for a near-fall. Jericho is getting active now, yelling at JBL to finish him off - he clearly regards DDP as the bigger threat in his title match Sunday. JBL beats on DDP in the corner with stomps, and as the ref tries to pull him off, he almost hits the ref, but stops short. JBL catches Jericho's eye for a second, and they seem to have a connection. Jericho casually looks away as JBL gets ready to whip DDP toward him, but DDP reverses and Jericho - without even looking - casually trips JBL as he comes off the ropes. JBL gets up and starts yelling at Jericho, who was clearly expecting DDP to be coming toward him. Jericho gets up on the apron to protest and he and JBL start shouting. DDP sneaks up from behind and grabs JBL for the Diamond Cutter, but JBL is able to push him away. JBL hits a boot to the face, then whips DDP to the turnbuckle. As DDP stumbles out, JBL hits the ropes on the opposite side of the ring and loads up a mighty Clothesline From Hell, but DDP dodges it and JBL crashes into Jericho. Jericho tumbles off the apron and JBL stumbles back toward DDP, who manages to catch him with a small package for the three-count!

Diamond Dallas Page pinned John Bradshaw Layfield after a small package in 0:14:04.
Rating: ** ½

JBL is PISSED, and he pounds the mat in frustration. As DDP celebrates his victory, Jericho sneaks into the ring. DDP, probably expecting that, turns toward him, but DDP is tired and Jericho is quick, and he is able to level DDP with the WWL World Heavyweight Title belt. Jericho then spots JBL out of the corner of his eye, shrugs, and charges at him with the belt, but JBL ducks under it, hits the ropes again, and floors Jericho with the Clothesline From Hell upon his return. JBL stands tall in the ring, and he picks up the belt from where Jericho dropped it to admire it for a moment before disdainfully laying it onto the chest of the downed Jericho.

GB: And it's JBL who stands tall in the ring going into Licence to Kill!
HTM: That was what JBL wanted coming into this match, and he sure got it! When you let a guy like JBL get the advantage, it's the beginning of the end for ya, and this may be the beginning of the end for Chris Jericho and Diamond Dallas Page!
GB: But we won't know that for sure until this Sunday at Licence to Kill, only on pay-per-view! Who will come out of the Triple Threat match as the WWL World Heavyweight Champion? Don't miss it! Folks, we're out of time here on Monday Night Action! This is Garth Bishop for the Honky Tonk Man! Good night!


Card rating: *** 1/4


Matches signed for Licence to Kill:

WWL World Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho (c) vs. John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Steel Cage Match: Shawn Michaels vs. Carlito Caribbean Cool

WWL Intercontinental Title: Rhyno (c) & the Sandman vs. Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari (if Hassan's team wins, he wins the Intercontinental Title)

Jeff Jarrett vs. Rey Mysterio

WWL Tag Team Titles: Lords of the Dance (c) vs. Dudley Boyz

WWL Cruiserweight Title: Ultimo Dragon (c) vs. Jamie Noble

Goldust, Rico & Miss Jackie vs. The Law Firm of Mason, Martin & Bloom (winning team gets the "services" of the losing team's manager)

Steven Richards vs. Matt Hardy

Predictions are welcome, though you will almost certainly want to read at least some the cards prior to this one, which are linked in the above post.