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OSW Enter the Snake 9/9/06

MattHarmsPosted on 08/10/06 at 03:33:00

Cheetum is out, introducing Sean Waltman. Cheetum asks Waltman what it's like to being the Worst Heavyweight Champion of all time. Hell, he makes David Arquette look like a great, bad ass champion. Waltman says he's the Rodney Dangerfield of wrestling as no one respects him due to some bad decisions he's made recently, such as being in a sex tape with Chyna. Cheetum asks Waltman if he left his balls in Chyna, as he sure hasn't shown any recently. Waltman calls himself hardcore and says he will prove his mettle by beating down a former WWF Hardcore Champion tonight. Waltman tells the OSW roster that their asses are grass and he is going to smoke. And if you can't beat it suck it. (Cheetum: "Oh like you did with Chyna.").

Brad Armstrong vs Snitskrieg(w/Alex Wright)

Snitskrieg nearly breaks his neck attempting a tope suicida early on and Brad Armstrong beats him down for a while until Snitskrieg comes back. Alex Wright barks out orders in German, which confuses Snitskrieg as he doesn't speak the language and Brad rolls him up for two. Snitskrieg comes back, kicking Brad Armstrong with a high kick to score the pin.

Snitskrieg pinned Brad Armstrong after a high kick in 0:07:30.
Rating: ** 1/2

Alex Wright enters the ring as Snitskrieg bends down, kissing Wright's feet.

Out come Los Dos Villanos along with Cheetum. Cheetum will be interpreted the values of the Villanos today. They challenge the Rock N Roll Express to an OSW Tag Team Title Match. Out come the Rock N Roll Express and the match begins.

OSW Tag Team Title Match:
Los Dos Villanos vs the Rock N Roll Express(c)

The Villanos show their mad double teaming skills as Ricky Morton plays himself, getting punked out by the Villanos. Morton eventually makes the tag to Robert Gibson and he cleans house, knocking the Villanos around but they switch off allowing Villano V to crotch Robert Gibson and hit a DDT. Up top and flying senton nets a tag team title reign for the Villanos.

Villano IV and Villano V defeated
Rock'n'Roll Express (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson) when Villano V pinned
R. Gibson after a flying senton in 0:06:42.
Rating: * 3/4
(Villano IV and Villano V won the OSW Tag Team Titles.)

The Villanos hold up their titles but Ricky Morton is on the microphone. He points out that the Rock N Roll Express have their INSTANT REMATCH CLAUSE~! So now we have...

OSW Tag Team Title Rematch:
The Rock N Roll Express vs Los Dos Villanos(c)

Let's skip to the part where the Rock N' Rolls regain the titles okay. Morton backslides a Villano to regain the titles, for the fourth time in OSW for those who may be keeping track of such things. At least the Villanos held the belts longer than Watts and Flair.


Rock'n'Roll Express (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson) defeated
Villano IV and Villano V when R. Morton pinned Villano V after a backslide in
          0:05:51.
Rating: ** 1/2
(Rock'n'Roll Express won the OSW Tag Team Titles.)

The Rock N Roll Express run off before the Villanos could inact their instant rematch clause.

Out comes Erik Watts and David Flair for their weekly bitch fest but who should come out but JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS~! Yes, the crowd cheers like the prodigal saint himself has arrived. Jake stumbles through the crowd, mumbling about how his dealer stiffed him and how he would stuff him from behind with his snake. Jake "The Snake" Roberts interferes, attacking David Flair so we can have Jake's official debut.

David Flair vs Jake "The Snake" Roberts.

David Flair gets beaten down until EL DANDY RUNS OUT! Dandy attacks Jake Roberts for the disqualification, beating down the Snake.

Jake Roberts defeated David Flair by disqualification in 0:03:40.
Rating: -** 1/4
[El Dandy interfered against Jake Roberts.]

Dandy beats down Jake, yelling about how Jake betrayed him. Remember, The Snake could not make it a few weeks ago when El Dandy teamed up against the Villanos. Who are you to doubt El Dandy's powers of recollection? El Dandy gives Jake a few more kicks to the head before wandering off. Jake is helped off by security(aka random bums we paid with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a sandwhich).

Out comes Sean Waltman, who demands respect but only gets met with a chant of "X-Pac sucks Chyna". Waltman screams about how he is the OSW World Heavyweight Champion and he deserves respect. Insert crickets here. He calls out the worldclass, former WWF Hardcore Champion that he found. Out comes Pete Gas of the Mean Street Posse and it's on.

OSW World Heavyweight Title Match:
Pete Gas vs Sean Waltman(c)

Pete Gas makes Waltman his personal bitch, hitting a series of high impact moves and almost winning the title a couple of times but Waltman manages to deliver a fluke roll up, using the ropes to retain the title once again.

Sean Waltman pinned Pete Gas after a roll up in 0:05:41.
Rating: ** 1/4
(Sean Waltman retained the OSW World Heavyweight Title.)

Waltman runs in the opposite direction, screaming in horror at the terror of the bad ass known as Pete Gas.

OSW Television Title Sixty Minute Iron Man Match:
Heidenreich(w/Alex Wright and Snitskrieg) vs Jim Duggan(c)

FIRST FALL: The greco roman punches. The high tech kicks to the midsection. The game of human chess as the chinlocks are traded. Heidenreich pulls out a Spinning Side Slam to win the first fall in 6:58.

SECOND FALL: More of the same technical wrestling. Heidenreich gets daring and hits an axe handle off the second rope for two. Definate high risk folks. Heidenreich goes up top but does his Ric Flair impression as Duggan slams him off. Old Glory Kneedrop and Duggan evens the odds in 15:22.

THIRD FALL: Duggan and Heidenreich trade cutting edge, high impact, punches and kicks until they get too engrossed in brawling on the floor, to gain another fall apiece and give this match a tie in 19:34

FOURTH FALL: Back in the ring, Duggan gets a couple of punches and atomic drops Heidenreich. It was on the caliber of Bob Backlund as this atomic drop scores the pin for Duggan in 19:57

FIFTH FALL: More brawling. Duggan hits a Polish Hammer. Heidenreich hits a heart punch and a corner clothesline. Heidenreich=innovator of offense. Eat your heart out Nova. Heidenreich slaps on a bearhug to even the odds as Duggan passes out during 30:55

SIXTH FALL: Duggan fights out but Heidenreich comes out. Snitskrieg attempts to come off the top rope but he trips and Duggan grabs the board and strikes Heidenreich with it for the disqualification to give Heidenreich the edge at 37:51.

SEVENTH FALL: More brawling. Heidereich slams Duggan down and goes to the second rope but misses a splash. Duggan knocks Heidenreich out with a clothesline to score the pin and even the odds in 42:44

EIGHTH FALL: Snitskrieg nearly breaks his neck on another ill fated lucha libre move. Duggan tapes up his fist and punches Heidenreich out before hitting the three point stance to gain the lead during 45:17

NINETH FALL: Another brawling segment. Alex Wright enters the ring and delivers a missile dropkick. Heidenreich gets two. Spinning Side Slam gets two. Spinebuster slam scores the pin at 50:15 to tie up.

TENTH FALL: Punches, kicks, and clotheslines are traded with both men attempting to gain nearfalls in a semi-fast paced matter. Duggan grabs the board. Shot to Snitskrieg. Shot to Wright. Heidenreich catches Duggan, Spinning Side Slam gets a nearfall. Heidenreich gives the signal, prepping the move that surpasses the Tiger Driver 91, the Burning Hammer, the Hogan Leg Drop, or any others; The Michael Cole Special. Thankfully Duggan is spared from this deadly move as the bell rings, with the time expiring at one hour with both men still tied.

Iron Man Match\
Heidenreich drew Jim Duggan:
        x Heidenreich beat Duggan via the Spinning Side Slam in 0:06:58
        x Duggan beat Heidenreich via a kneedrop in 0:15:22
        x double countout (Duggan and Heidenreich) in 0:19:34
        x Duggan beat Heidenreich via an atomic drop in 0:19:57
        x Heidenreich beat Duggan via a bearhug in 0:30:55
        x Heidenreich beat Duggan via disqualification in 0:37:51
        x Duggan beat Heidenreich via a clothesline in 0:42:44
        x Duggan beat Heidenreich via the Three Point Stance in 0:45:17
        x Heidenreich beat Duggan via a spinebuster slam in 0:50:15
        x time limit expired (Heidenreich and Duggan) in 1:00:00
Rating: * 1/4
(Jim Duggan retained the OSW Television Title.)


Under any other circumstances, we would call for a Sudden Death overtime but you know, Bingo's starting early. See you next week.

NEXT WEEK: Will Jake make it two in a row. Also wrestlers get into the ring and compete against each other in wrestling matches several times throughout the night. Until next week, don't you dare doubt El Dandy!
91Posted on 08/10/06 at 20:04:47

Heidenreich was SO SO SO close, nobody can survive the brutality of that move. Except maybe Cole himself.

Cheetum may be the greatest interviewer this side of Craig DeGeorge.

The Snitskreig/Wright angle continues to push the greatest character in wrestling today. If the WWE did it, all their ratings problems would be over.

The instant rematch clause may be a better idea than Jericho going to Washington. Plus running away before the other team requests theirs is a stroke of genius - if you can't hear them request it, it doesn't count.

CONTINUITY!! Who are you to doubt OSW actually having continuity?

Wait, Waltman and Gas got over **?
AzraelPosted on 08/11/06 at 03:49:47

That main event may go down as one of the five greatest matches of all time. I'll be telling my children about it and the near Michael Cole Special that was almost served on an unexpecting Jim Duggan.

...maybe I'll leave that last part out.
CarlzillaPosted on 08/11/06 at 04:02:01

I'm still in awe that Duggan vs. Thirdenreich was watchable...