FORUM HOME > TNM Circuits > TNM Circuits
OSW: The Undead Unleashed 8/19/06

MattHarmsPosted on 08/08/06 at 16:43:13

Our special guest host tonight is Cheetum the Evil Midget along with a bunch of drunken midgets and a heavily intoxicated Commissioner Mongo. Hey, who are you to doubt Cheetum. Tonight we will have a Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal match between Dustin Rhodes and Stevie Ray.  The drunken midgets chant, Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal. Spin the Wheel Make the Day.

Mike Enos comes out and is not happy about the blantant disrespect that he has been getting as of late. Hey, who are you to doubt Mike Enos anyway? Insert crickets chirping here as it's only Mike Enos. Enos says he can beat anyone in this gosh forsaken company and calls out Duane Gill. Yes, Duane Gill. Duane Gill comes out and we have a match between the two to kick things off.

Duane Gill vs Mike Enos

Back and forth match with restholds a plenty. Duane Gill locks on the standing wristlock and Enos crys like a little baby before submitting to the deadly, the career ending, STANDING WRISTLOCK~!


Duane Gill made Mike Enos submit to a standing wristlock in 0:06:13.
Rating: 1/4*

Alex Wright, Blitzkrieg, and Heidenreich are backstage. Alex Wright does most of the talking. They are calling themselves the Fourth Reich. They will drive the NAWA down to the ground by taking over the midcard. Tonight, they are going to start with Barry Horowitz, because naturally you have to stop somewhere when you take over a place.  Heidenreich grunts and screams out "I HATE CASKETS!" for no apperant reason as the interview draws to the close.

Barry Horowitz(w/o a hope in hell) vs Heidenreich(w/Alex Wright and Blitzkrieg)

Horowitz gets pounded in a fine paste by Heidenreich until Heidenreich locks on the bearhug. Then Horowitz passes out. Heidenreich wins. Yay.

Heidenreich defeated Barry Horowitz when Barry Horowitz passed out in a bearhug
in 0:02:48.
Rating: *

After the match, the Fourth Reich beat down Barry Horowitz until Hacksaw Jim Duggan ran out and he has a tag team partner in his two by four. Duggan clears the ring and says these Germans have no right to be here, as this is the USA, the home of the brave, and the land of the free. Hooo!!! No, Lita isn't in attendance tonight. Alex Wright curses out Duggan in German and this is far from over.

El Dandy talks about the Villanos and says tonight he has the perfect, completely reliable, wouldn't no show on him at all. Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Hey, who are you to doubt the Snake's ability to show up? The Villanos will pay for doubting El Dandy tonight because there is one thing you should know throughout time. That is, who are you to doubt El Dandy?

El Dandy(by himself due to Jake "The Snake" Roberts no showing) vs Los Villanos in a handicap match

Jake "The Snake" Roberts couldn't quite make it to the show due to him passing out in the airport, again. Still, El Dandy fought valiantly and bravely and he scored with the Dandina Cradle on Villano V to win this handicap match to remain undefeated in OSW with this handicap win over the Villanos.

Handicap-Match
El Dandy defeated Villano IV and Villano V when Dandy pinned Villano V with the
Dandina Cradle in 0:05:43.
Rating: ***

El Dandy talks about his victory but Jake "The Snake" Roberts let him down and Dandy swears vengeance on the Snake, should he ever show up. Dandy says it is an honor and a priveledge to be El Dandy's partner and Jake spit in his face. Dandy walks off angrily.

Sean Waltman is backstage and says he was supposed to defend against Hogan but he couldn't get a hold of Horace or even Ed Leslie as Dizzy Ed Hogan. And if you thought it would even be Hulk, you were one of the biggest marks in the world. Still, Waltman says Mongo has contacted an ECW icon tonight for a title shot and this man will probally be a tough challenger but Waltman is confidence in his abilities to win. Waltman crotch chops a few times to kill a bit of time.

Fidel Sierra vs Brad Armstrong

This match was signed tonight thanks to an intoxicated Mongo and a dartboard. Back and forth match, with both men gaining a series of nearfalls but Brad manages to slip behind Fidel and pull out the Russian Legsweep to score a win over Fidel. Brad Armstrong has been impressive recently, scoring wins over such legends as Mike Enos and Fidel Sierra in OSW.

Brad Armstrong pinned Fidel Sierra with the Russian Legsweep in 0:06:02.
Rating: ** 1/4

Erik Watts and David Flair are out, whining about lack of respect and how if their daddies were booking they would get a fairer shot. Kurrgan comes out to cut the bitchfest short and it's on like Donkey Kong.

Erik Watts and David Flair vs Kurrgan

Squash. Kurrgan beats down both of the second generation superstars and puts down Erik Watts with a bone rattling, bone chilling, death defying, spine busting...Sidewalk Slam to score the pin. After the match, Kurrgan punishes David Flair with a clawhold just because.

Handicap-Match
Kurrgan defeated Erik Watts and David Flair when Kurrgan pinned E. Watts
with the Sidewalk Slam in 0:02:28.
Rating: -*

Ernest Miller vs the Maestro

The third week in a row this match happens and this match is a brawl. Nothing but punches, kicks, and clotheslines. Eventually both men spill to the outside and get counted out, thus prolonging this feud for another week.

The Maestro and Ernest Miller battled to a double countout in 0:08:39.
Rating: 3/4*

The Insane Clown Posse are out and they are not too happy. Neither are the fans, who don't feel too pleased that these two clowns are taking up valuable airtime from more valuable wrestlers such as Heidenreich and El Dandy. They weren't in the tag team tournament despite scoring a victory over the Armstrong Brothers two weeks ago. The fans look confused, as most of them don't have memories that stretch back that long. Out comes the Rock N' Roll Express who offer the ICP a title shot but if they lose, they can never befoul any wrestling promotion again. The clowns accept and this shiznit is on.

OSW Tag Team Title Match:
The Insane Clown Posse vs the Rock N Roll Express(c)

Formula tag team match with Ricky Morton playing Ricky Morton until he manages to get the hot tag to Robert Gibson. Gibson comes in a house of fire but Shaggy 2 Dope hits Gibson from behind with an illegal object and hits him with a brain buster. Violent J comes off the top and Moonsault connects scoring the pin. The legendary Rock N Roll Express have just been defeated by the Insane Clown Posse.

The Insane Clown Posse (Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J) defeated
Rock'n'Roll Express (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson) when Violent J pinned
R. Gibson with the Moonsault in 0:06:35.
Rating: **
(The Insane Clown Posse won the OSW Tag Team Titles.)

The Clowns run off like thieves in the night as the Rock N Roll Express stand in the ring, looking like slack jawed yokels as they can't believe their titles were stolen by a couple of clowns.

Blitzkrieg vs Jim Duggan

The Television title is not on the line. Who are you to doubt non title matches? Duggan beats up Blitzkrieg until Heidenreich saves his little buddy, attacking Jim Duggan for the disqualification.

Jim Duggan defeated Blitzkrieg by disqualification in 0:03:52.
Rating: * 1/2
[Heidenreich interfered against Jim Duggan.]

Alex Wright comes in as Heidenreich opens up a can of whoop ass on Jim Duggan. Spinning Side Slam. Another spinning side slam. Heidenreich puts Jim Duggan against the ropes, preparing to give him the Michael Cole treatment but thankfully security interrupts before we get the pleasure of seeing that. Alex Wright curses in German again. This is far from over(x2)

It's time to Spin the Wheel and Make the Deal. Spin the Wheel and Make the Deal. Spin the Wheel and Make the Deal. Spin the Wheel and Make the Deal. Cheetum is here and due to the coin toss, Stevie Ray will be spinning the wheel. He promises to get into the ring and get into Dustin Rhodes's butt no matter what kind of match it is. Cheetum calls that lovely and Stevie Ray spins the wheel and it lands on Cross Match. Why? Because I let TNM use the random gimmick match option, that's why. If I picked, it would be something cool like a Table Match or a Texas Death Match or a bullrope match or a barbed wire match or even a Coal Miner's Glove match.

Cross Match:
Dustin Rhodes vs Stevie Ray

The rules of this match is to shackle your opponents arms and legs to the cross on the top of the ramp. That's the only way to win. Punching and kicks for this entire match. Stevie Ray works the nervehold and goes for the Slapjack but Dustin Rhodes backdrops him. Clotheslines and Stevie Ray is in the corner. Shattered Dreams kick and since Stevie Ray is a manly man, he is in a world of hurt. Bulldog delivered to Stevie and Dustin fireman's carrys Stevie Ray up the ramp before handcuffing him to the cross for the win.


[Spin the Wheel Make the Deal]: Cross No-Time-Limit-No-Countout-No-DQ-Match\
Dustin Rhodes defeated Stevie Ray in 0:15:23.
Rating: DUD

Sean Waltman is out. He says tonight its going to be Waltman against an ECW legend picked by Steve "Mongo" McMichael.  "ARGHHH" No not him. ANYONE BUT HIM. Making his return to wrestling, the man, the myth, the legend, the ZOMBIE~! And he is competing for the OSW World Heavyweight Title. Waltman looks terrified, as well he should be.

OSW World Heavyweight Title Match:
The Zombie vs Sean Waltman(c)

Waltman jumps over the top rope, screaming "They don't pay me enough for this" before running to the back as fast as his legs could carry him. The referee counts on Waltman quickly, as this building turns back into a bingo hall in five minutes and gives the Zombie the win. He wins the match, but not the title.


The Zombie defeated Sean Waltman by countout in 0:00:06.
Rating: 1/4*
(Sean Waltman retained the OSW World Heavyweight Title.)

Next Week: Jake "The Snake" Roberts may in fact be in attendence and if he crosses paths with El Dandy, there will be hell to pay. All this and more, next week on OSW.
rey619Posted on 08/08/06 at 16:54:12

You actually used the Zombie . . wonderful! Now, what about a three-way involving Gangrel, Zombie and Undertaker? That would have been creepy..
91Posted on 08/08/06 at 19:07:08

Needed more Cheetum.

The fine run of MMA style submission holds in the first two matches expertly demonstrate the superb technique of those involved in OSW.

El Dandys third person "honour to be El Dandys partner" line was pretty funny, for some reason.

Oh yes, and racist Duggan is being portrayed... well, about the same as he was in the WWF.

Oh man, the Michael Cole treatment. I think there's milk pouring out of my nose. The whole 'cross match' debacle put me over the edge.

And that has to be the quickest count-out in history. Good job too, there were several old ladies outside getting quite agitated at the wait for more bingo.
americamamushiPosted on 08/08/06 at 21:38:59

OSW is definitely a fun read.  I liked how Horowitz was accompanied to the ring by no chance in hell ;)

Of course El Dandy wins the handicap match.  He's freakin' El Dandy damn it.  :)

Aw, Zombie got screwed... do I smell Zombie/Waltman re-match??... *sniffsniff* no... thats rotting flesh, nevermind... :)