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OSW: Elevated Liver Enzymes 8/12/06
| MattHarms | Posted on 08/07/06 at 22:33:29 Disclaimer: Who are you to doubt El Dandy? It is now time to introduce the new OSW Commissioner. We looked far and wide for a suitable person to make all the matches for OSW, but we couldn't find anyone so we just settled on Steve "Mongo" McMichael. Hey, who are you to doubt Mongo? Mongo is out, promising to whoop on anyone who breaks the rules and says tonight the main event will be Dustin Rhodes against Sean Waltman in a rematch from the last show. Also there will be a tournament for the tag belts and a bunch of other stuff. Mike Enos is out, bitching about losing to Brad Armstrong last week but that isn't the problem. The problem is he thinks El Dandy is nothing but an overrated hack. Oh no, he didn't, he didn't just doubt El Dandy. Out comes El Dandy and he smacks Enos around before such disrespect. A referee staggers out, looking like he has been hanging out with Jake "The Snake" Roberts before the show and we got a match. Mike Enos vs El Dandy This was a match and both men wrestled. Brad Armstrong came out, because TNM said so, tripping up Mr. Enos, allowing Dandy to score with the Dandina Cradle to score the win. After the match, Brad Armstrong and Mike Enos traded punches, but El Dandy remains undefeated, 2-0. Watch out Goldberg, Dandy is going to beat your streak. El Dandy pinned Mike Enos with the Dandina Cradle in 0:06:02. Rating: * [Brad Armstrong interfered against Mike Enos.] Erik Watts and David Flair bitch about how they should just be handed the Tag Team Titles. Thats what their daddies would have done. They wish Dustin Rhodes well in his title match tonight and they say the fans are against second generation stars because they are jealous that their father's aren't wrestling icons. Tag Team Title Tournament Semifinals: The Rock and Roll Express vs David Flair and Erik Watts The first two rounds of the Tournament were held in Rio De Janerio Brazil over the weekend. Ricky Morton plays Ricky Morton for this match as Watts and Flair put a whoopin' on Morton until he makes the tag to Robert Gibson. Gibson manages to surprise David Flair with a sunset flip to score the pin winning this match and advancing to the finals. Rock'n'Roll Express (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson) defeated David Flair and Erik Watts when R. Gibson pinned D. Flair after a sunset flip in 0:06:54. Rating: ** 3/4 The Rock N Rolls strut from the ring as Watts and Flair cry BS, standing in the ring and whining for daddy. Brad Armstrong vs Kurrgan Classic match here. Brad Armstrong showed a lot of heart and a lot of courage but Kurrgan managed to punish Brad Armstrong before clamping on the clawhold. Kurrgan puts Brad Armstrong down for the submission, starting off his OSW tenture with a victory. Kurrgan made Brad Armstrong submit to a clawhold in 0:06:07. Rating: * El Dandy is backstage when his mortal enemies the Villanos bushwhack him from behind. The Villanos beat Dandy down before painting a giant "V" on his back and laughing off into the night. Semifinals of the Tag Team Title Tournament: The Villanos vs the Armstrongs: Armstrongs lose due to evilness by the Villanos who switch off a couple of times, confusing Scott and Steve . A Senton from Villano V spells the end for this match and the Villanos are in the finals of the tag team title tournament. Villano IV and Villano V defeated Steve Armstrong and Scott Armstrong when Villano V pinned Scott Armstrong after a senton in 0:06:11. Rating: ** 1/2 The Maestro is playing on his piano when Ernest Miller comes out with a crowbar, busting up the Maestro's piano. The Cat wants a shot at the Maestro right now in the center of the ring and the Maestro backs up, agreeing to a rematch from last week. The Maestro vs Ernest Miller: Maestro gets taken off balance with the Karate from the Cat and Feliner spells the end for the Stro. Ernest Miller dances to cheers from the crowd but the Maestro is up. He attacks the Cat from behind, laying the Cat out. This is far from over. Ernest Miller pinned The Maestro with the Feliner in 0:07:43. Rating: ** Fidel Sierra comes out, with the OSW Television Championship belt over his shoulder. Like the no good, dirty Cuban he is, he stole it from our private stores and brought it here. Out comes Hacksaw Jim Duggan, once again telling Fidel he can't wave the Cuban Flag. Somehow the stolen belt gets involved and we have Fidel against Hacksaw right now. OSW Television Title Match: Fidel Sierra vs Jim Duggan We have a Television Title yet we only run weekly house shows. Go figure. Duggan knocks out Fidel with the taped fist again and hits the Three Point Stance to claim the Television Title for the promotion that has no television. Match for the vacant OSW Television Title\ Jim Duggan pinned Fidel Sierra with the Three Point Stance in 0:06:04. Rating: 3/4* (Jim Duggan won the OSW Television Title.) Jim Duggan raises his hand into the air but the crowd boos. HEIDENREICH, BLITZKRIEG AND ALEX WRIGHT JUMP HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN FROM BEHIND. Heidenreich beats down Duggan and hits a Sidewalk Slam as Alex Wright barks orders in German to Heidenreich as Blitzkrieg adds a few stomps in for flavor. Another Sidewalk Slam and Duggan is hurt. The Television Champion has been laid out by Alex Wright, Blitzkrieg and Heidenreich. Mostly Heidenreich. Barry Horowitz vs Jake Roberts: Jake Roberts apperantly passed out at the airport and missed his flight so he isn't here tonight. The referee puts the count on and awards the match to Barry Horowitz, giving him the biggest win in his career over the legendary Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Barry Horowitz defeated Jake Roberts by countout in 0:00:12. Rating: -* 1/2 Horowitz pats himself on the back but here comes Heidenreich, Blitzkrieg and Alex Wright again. Heidenreich, Blitzkrieg and Wright viciously beat down Barry Horowitz in the center of the ring. Heidenreich nearly breaks Horowitz in half a power bomb. Alex Wright spits on Horowitz before walking off. Even in victory, Barry Horowitz can't catch a break. OSW Tag Team Title Match: The Villanos vs the Rock and Roll Express The match of the evening, as the Rock and Roll Express and the Villanos traded many top double team moves. Eventually, Morton hit one of the Villanos with the Rock N Roll Buster to score the pin and win the OSW Tag Team Titles. Sean Waltman is out in pain. He says he has elevated liver enzymes and won't be able to compete tonight. Dustin Rhodes comes out, looking pissed but Waltman has a suitable replacement, someone on Dustin's level. Out comes Stevie Ray who promises to break necks and cash checks as he kicks Dustin's fruity booty. Dustin attacks Stevie Ray and this match is on. Stevie Ray vs Dustin Rhodes Stevie Ray is no match for Dustin Rhodes who tries, he really tries but he hasn't properly scouted Stevie Ray so he fails. Stevie Ray pulls out the Slapjack and that's all she wrote for now as Dustin goes down for the three. Stevie Ray pinned Dustin Rhodes with the Slapjack in 0:09:04. Rating: * 1/2 Sean Waltman is in the ring and in a shocking swerve(this week's special guest booker: Vince Russo), he didn't have elevated liver enzymes. He beats down Dustin and X-Factor before turning on Stevie Ray. Bronco Buster on Stevie and Stevie runs to the back, gagging, looking to get his face decomtaminated because let's face it, anything that's been that close to any part of Chyna, you don't want near your face. Waltman walks off as we fade to black. Next Week: Jake Roberts may actually show up this time. Heidenreich takes on Barry Horowitz. Plus Sean Waltman defends the OSW World Heavyweight Title against Hogan. Don't you dare miss it. |
| Snabbit888 | Posted on 08/07/06 at 22:39:06 WHO ARE YOU TO DOUBT MONGO!? |
| 91 | Posted on 08/07/06 at 22:40:50 "who are you to doubt Mongo?" HAHAHA! I fear a monster may have been created. "The Television Champion has been laid out by Alex Wright, Blitzkrieg and Heidenreich. Mostly Heidenreich." This, for some reason, also made me laugh. GO TEAM DEUTSCHLAND! That CAD Waltman! I tell you, elevated liver enzymes may be the greatest "fake injury" I can think of. Outside of Kurt Angles "I tore my quad this morning" and Mark Henrys "Brainuerism" at least. And when Jake shows, there'll be hell to pay. |
| Carlzilla | Posted on 08/07/06 at 23:52:39On 08/07/06 at 22:40:50, 91 wrote:Who are you to doubt Waltman's elevated liver enzymes? Sorry, it seems to be the theme of this fed. |
| americamamushi | Posted on 08/08/06 at 00:15:41 Woo! El Dandy fuckin' rocks! *puts up the metal horns* NOOOOOOO!!!!! WHO ARE VILLANOS TO BUSHWHACK EL DANDY?! Those German nogoodnicks are up to bad mojo. If Jake Roberts ever makes it past the Airport lounge we may get to see him use his snake like a penis! WHO ARE YOU TO DOUBT THE SNAKE PHALLACE?! |
| MattHarms | Posted on 08/08/06 at 00:27:23On 08/07/06 at 23:52:39, Carlzilla wrote:WHO ARE YOU TO DOUBT THE THEME OF THIS FED? And I fear this joke is dangerously close to jumping the shark. |
| Snabbit888 | Posted on 08/08/06 at 00:35:47On 08/08/06 at 00:27:23, MattHarms wrote:It'll be a joke that we run into the ground until it's not funny and then we do it one more time and it's funny again. |
| americamamushi | Posted on 08/08/06 at 01:05:31On 08/08/06 at 00:35:47, Snabbit888 wrote:like tripping the retarded |
| Azrael | Posted on 08/08/06 at 04:20:21 Good card and the Villanos are already villainous with their unprompted bushwhacking. I think I'll try to use elevated liver enzymes as an excuse if I call in sick though. Me: *cough cough* I can't work today. I've got elevated liver enzymes. Boss: Yeah right. Get back to work. Me: WHO ARE YOU TO DOUBT ELEVATED LIVER ENZYMES? *backhand* This plan can't fail. |