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DWF Revenge is Sweet 27/01/08

91Posted on 12/31/05 at 21:33:40

No prizes for guessing which film I saw recently, in relation to one segment.

"Haiku Reading" Jeff Hardy (c) vs Hayabusa (cruiserweight title)

The evening kicked off with Jeff Hardys first title defense, against Hayabusa
who has scored some meaningful victories as of late. As per the match where
Hardy won the title from La Parka, he was accompanied by his protege, the world
champion Don Muraco, thus making Hayabusas chances ten times worse. Still, it
was obvious from the start that Busa was the quicker man and ready to run rings
around Hardy, until at least Muraco tripped him, allowing Jeff to get a groove
going.

Still Busa came back, and caught Jeff napping on the top rope, catching him
with an armdrag from the top. While the ref checked on Jeff, Muraco hopped onto
the apron and clotheslined him down. Jeff was back in control but it didn't
last as he missed the Haiku Bomb, putting Busa back in front of the champion,
and with Jeff reeling, Busa had the clear advantage. Flooring Jeff with a
picture perfect thrust kick, he went up top and hit Jeff with the Stardust
Press, only for Muraco to pull Jeffs foot onto the ropes and save the title.

Hayabusa was clearly becoming frustrated at the repeated interference, but kept
his cool and continued the onslaught, taking Jeff out with a beautifully
executed spinning heel kick. Once again Muraco hopped onto the apron, but this
time Hayabusa was ready and hit him with the never before seen black mist
which caused Muraco to fall from the apron, clean out. Hayabusa himself looked
a little shaken afterwards but nonetheless went upstairs for another Stardust
Press. Hitting the black mist had evidently weakened him a little as he
struggled to get up, and when Jeff rolled out of the way, causing Busa to hit
the mat hard, Jeff was able to quickly roll him up with a handful of tights for
a cheap victory.

Jeff Hardy defeated Hayabusa via pinfall in 0:08:34.
Rating: **** 1/4
(Jeff Hardy retained the Cruiserweight Title.)

We go backstage to Michael Cole.

Cole: "Brad Armstrong, later tonight you face Rockabilly in his debut match,
but how do you feel about..."

Armstrong puts his hand up to Coles face.

Brad: "Shut up jabroni, before The Rock slaps the taste out of your mouth for
being such an ugly roody poo. Rockabilly, let The Rock say this, he does not
think you're a great dancer, he doesn't think you're a great wrestler and The
Rock certainly does not think that piece of monkeys crap that you call the
most elecrifying move, Shufflebilly, is worthy of gracing The Rocks ring. As
a matter of fact, he thinks it's absolutely pathetic. So what The Rock's going
to do, he's going to take you and your little bed buddy Hunter Hearst-Helmsley
out there, he's going to lay the smacketh down on both your candy asses, and
The Rock guaren-damn-tees that he's going to take your Shufflebilly, turn it
into an inanimate object somehow, just so he has something to shine up real
nice, and then turn sideways and stick straight up ALLLLLLL your candy asses.
And when The Rock has finished with that, he'll hit the REAL most electrifying
move, The Peoples Elbow, right on you jabroni and The Rock will be done wiping
the ring with your carcuss and send you scampering out of the DWF for good, if
you smell what The Rock is cookin'."

Back at ringside, Matt Hardy has just entered, along with Snitsky and
Heidenreich, but stays by the curtain. Whilst he might look dapper in his suit,
he won't be later on when he faces the Dynamite Kid.

Hardy: "First of all, I'm disgusted that you people would boo the PRESIDENT of
the DWF like that. I have given you thousands of hours of free entertainment,
the best of which involve my good self, and this is how you respect me?

"It's stuff like this which brings me out here to tell you what I'm going to
do with the DWF. Every great leader throughout history has been able to rule
his people with an iron fist and yet gain the respect of them. People like
Mussolini, Mao Zedong and Joseph Stalin. These people ran what are known as
Cults of Personality in their country. What the DWF is lacking today is just
that, the type of charismatic authority that this company badly needs. Therefore
from now on, the DWF, under my rule, will be just that - a Cult of Personality,
and anyone who dares cross me shall feel my wrath whereas those who respect
me will reap the rewards."

And with that, all along the upper sections of the crowd, large banners unfurl
depecting Matt in the Che Guevara pose. Asides from the fact several people
can't see what's going on anymore, this little speech might be going a bit
far on Matts part.

Backstage in the first aid room is Sean Mooney along with a doctor, Jeff Hardy
and Don Muraco. Muracos face is blackened following the black mist and his
eyes are extremely red and watering a great deal.

Mooney: "Sean Mooney with exclusive footage for 'DWF Throw Momma from the Train'
here - doctor, what is the status of Don Muraco?"

Doctor: "Muraco hasn't suffered any permanent damage but he's in a lot of
discomfort and his vision has been impaired, and I am not going to be able to
clear him to wrestle."

Hardy: "That jerk Hayabusa has gone too far, I wrote a haiku about it.

Here Don is wounded
Hayabusa will suffer
I am still the champ."

Muraco grabs the doctor by the scruff of the neck.

Muraco: "Listen doc, if you don't clear me to wrestle tonight, and I have to
forfeit the match, you can expect to wake up on a landfill sometime next week."

Doctor: "On the other hand, it doesn't look serious, maybe he'll be alright
to compete."

Muraco releases the doctor who scampers off.

Muraco: "Raven, don't get your hopes up, I'm not beaten yet, I can still see,
and the one thing I can see is pain and suffering in your immediate future."

Amidst all the trouble here, we go back to the ring where La Resistance have
entered.

Dupree: "Hello all by American chums, we are so proud to be Americans like you
now we have our citizenship and we want to truly integrate into your culture."

Grenier: "Zat is why we 'ave been watching all your top TV shows so we know how
to act just like you. All week, instead of preparing for this match, we have
been watching classic episodes of Joannie loves Chachi, Mighty Morphin Power
Rangers and Fantasy Island."

Dupree: "Don't forget The Love Boat. But now we must use our newfound American
passion to defeat these nasty Pitbulls, and then we will celebrate the American
way - beer and nachos."

La Resistance then do the French Tickler, trying to get the fans support. Sadly
they'd lost them on "hello" so the boos continue and don't subside until The
Pitbulls make a welcome entrance to start this match.

La Resistance (c) vs The Pitbulls (Intercontinental tag team titles)

La Resistance had The Pitbulls on one of their toughest title defenses to date
and right away, the Pitbulls had the number of the champions, blasting them
with big moves, then the two of them hurled Grenier from the ring and slammed
Dupree down with a huge spiked slam of sorts. Grenier reacted by dragging
Dupree to the outside and grabbing the belts, before the two ran off, no more
than a minute into the match to take the count out loss. The Pitbulls couldn't
believe it, as of course they cannot win the titles on a count out.

The Pitbulls (Pitbull #1 and Pitbull #2) defeated
La Resistance (Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier) when Pitbull #1 defeated
S. Grenier by countout in 0:01:01.
Rating: * 1/2
(La Resistance retained the Intercontinental Tag Team Titles.)

As La Resistance make a VERY speedy exit with their titles, we go backstage to
Michael Cole.

Michael Cole: "Juventud Guerrera, your quest for the cruiserweight title
continues here as you go up against Low Ki and Kid Kash in a triple threat
match."

Guerrera: "That's just stating the obvious Pikey Hole. The real question is
why am I facing Flid Trash and Hokey AGAIN! Haven't I beaten these two dicks
enough times to earn a title shot yet?"

Cole: "Apparently not."

Guerrera: "Well that's a travesty and I know Prat Hardly is to blame. And now
I see Hayabastard got a title shot tonight instead of me, that's ridiculous,
he only wears that mask because he's got herpes, and he wrestles about as well
as he dresses, where's my title shot? I swear, if I don't get one after my
glorious victory tonight..."

Guerrera seethes a bit, and can't seem to muster up the emotions to finish his
sentence as he storms off. Elsewhere, Low Ki and Kid Kash are getting ready.

Low Ki: "You know, we can take care of Juventud, but when we do, it's you and
me again."

Kash: "Hey, no worries dog, we've done it before, I don't mind fighting you and
I've got my career to think about as well. But yeah, like you said, we'll take
care of Juventud first..."

Despite any unease between them, we head back out to the ring.

Low Ki vs Kid Kash vs Juventud Guerrera

As earlier promised in the triple threat match, Low Ki and Kid Kash teamed up
to take out Juventud early on, and that they did well. Juventuds offence was
not regular and it boiled down to Low Ki and Kid Kash, and in a repeat of their
Wrestlefest encounter when Low Ki won the cruiserweight title, it was very fast
paced with neither man really taking over for any extended period. Despite an
early shoulder injury to Kash, he kept up very well, but there was still Juvi
to worry about as he kept creeping back into the ring after being thrown out
to try and turn things.

Finally Low Ki had had enough of Guerrera and hit him with the Ki Krusher
before throwing him back out. Low Ki and Kash went at it again, with Low Ki
now maintaining the pressure he'd started on Juvi and looked good, but Kash
avoided an attempted Ki Krusher and Kash scored with the Money Maker. Before
he could rest on his laurels, Juventud came back and hit Kash with a dragon
suplex that did the shoulder no favours, and it allowed him to sneak a victory
that had looked unlikely.

Triangle Match:
Juventud Guerrera defeated Kid Kash and Low Ki when J. Guerrera pinned Ki after
a dragon suplex in 0:10:22. Kid Kash suffered a dislocated left shoulder. He wil
l be out for approximately 2 weeks.
Rating: *** 1/2

We go backstage to Sean Mooney.

Mooney: "Hi everyone, roving reporter Sean Mooney with an exclusive interview
that'll only be seen on 'DWF Throw Momma from the Train'."

Zbyszko: "Are they still letting you talk all this garbage on DWF shows?"

Mooney: "It's not garbage, these really are the hottest and wildest scoops that
the DWF superfans will find anywhere."

Sean Mooney finds a giant novelty watch.

Mooney: "Wow, that's just how hot and heavy the action in the DWF is."

Zbyszko: "Whatever. I'm not bothered, what I am bothered about is hurting that
old man Bruno. I mean, he's not been in the ring a few years, he's a couple of
years past his prime..."

Mooney: "He's not much older than you."

Zbyszko: "Shut up. I'm worried that if I slam him too hard, I could break his
hip, I could cause him to burst into a frenzy of incontenence, who knows what
carnage could go down, maybe I should go easy on him..."

Coach: "Let me take him Larry, I can take him, put 'em up Bruno, put 'em up."

Zbyszko: "Easy tiger, save some for me... see, I was thinking about going easy
on him, but you know what, I'm going to prove to the world that 1980 and me
kicking his ass was no fluke. The only fluke was the outcome that night, he
got a cheap small package and a handful of tights, History will change when I
kick his ass as badly as I did back then, practically ending his career, and
he'll sit in his old rocking chair wishing he'd never tried one more shot
with me."

Mooney: "Well, that's it from here. And join me later on for an exclusive
interview on DWF TMftT when I will interview Hulk Hogan."

Zbyszko: "You're truly pathetic Mooney, did you pull this crap in the WWF?"

Mooney: "GODDAMNIT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, I WAS NEVER IN THE WWF YOU BASTARD
FREAK, I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!!"

Mooney goes to strike Zbyszko with his microphone, but we cut to Bruno
Sammartino lacing up his boots, when John Cena approaches.

Cena: "Yo, listen Bruno, I got a lot of respect for you, but it's been a while
since you stepped in the ring, if you want me to take the lead in this, I
will understand, I..."

Sammartino: "Let me stop you there - you're young John, you've got a lot to
learn, but one day you'll understand when an idiot like this pushes himself too
far, you'll want to do anything to shut him up, and this is something I have
to do."

Both men nod silently, totally ignoring Sean Mooney being wheeled past on a
gurney.

Cena: "In that case, how about I set them up for you, and you knock 'em both
out, and we shut him up PERMANENTLY."

Sammartino: "Now that sounds like a plan John."

Paramedic: "CLEAR!"

Cena: "In that case, let's go do this."

Cena and Sammartino walk off confidently as we return to the ring.

"Unnecessarily Evil" John Cena & Bruno Sammartino vs Larry Zbyszko & Coach

After boasting for the last year, it was time for Larry Zbyszko to put up or
to shut up against Bruno Sammartino in tag team action. As expected mind you,
the early stages of the match mostly featured Larry and Cena going at it, with
Coach occasionally making his way in when Cena was on the backfoot, then out
seconds later when Cena would inevitably retaliate. It was during one of these
Coach appearances that things turned. With Zbyszko having floored Cena, Coach
asked to be tagged in, then came off the top with what appeared to be a
sitdown splash - regardless, he missed. Both men crawled over to their corner,
Zbyszko tagged in, but before he could reached Cena, in tagged Sammartino.

Now Zbyszko was VERY quick to back up from the veteran, as Bruno clearly wanted
a piece of his former protege. Larry did go for broke and charge in but Bruno
caught him with a right hand, and began working over him. Coach, seeing the
danger, came back in and hit Bruno with a weak shot from behind. Bruno turned
around and went for Coach, but Larry was recovering and looked to jump Bruno.
Cena was now back and prevented this, grabbing Larry and hitting him with the
Eighth Deadly Sin. Sammartino meanwhile grabbed a hold of Coach and hoisted him
up into the Sammartino Backbreaker, which earned a quick submission and a
successful return to the ring for Bruno. Question is, he signed a two match
deal with the DWF, who will he face in his second match?

Bruno Sammartino and John Cena defeated Jonathan Coachman and Larry Zbyszko
when B. Sammartino made Coach submit to the Sammartino Backbreaker in 0:12:35.
Rating: **

As Cena and Sammartino celebrate, we switch to one side of the arena where
King Kanyon awaits on the Kings Court set.

Kanyon: "Lowly peasants, kneel and bow before your monarchial superior, you
are on the Kings Court, and my most regal guest at this time is the Loose
Cannon himself, Brian Pillman."

Pillmans music hits up and the man himself comes out to a large round of boos.

Kanyon: "Mr. Pillman, welcome to the Kings Court. It seems these servants want
to know what rationale you have for your actions at Clash of the Champion when
you attacked Rob Van Dam, Edge, Christian and finally your own tag team partner
Sean O'Haire."

Pillman: "What happened... what happened with Rob Van Dam was unfortunate. I
wasn't out to hurt him, but I had to put him down. Edge and Christian, they
took everything away from me. Everything I had were in those tag team titles.
I'd give anything, even my goddamn soul, to go back and be the tag team
champions again, just for one day. They tried to take all that from me and they
succeeded, and they needed correcting, just one goddamn time I needed to
correct the error of their ways and put them down just like they did me."

Kanyon: "And of Sean O'Haire?"

Pillman: "Sean... oh Sean, what did I really do wrong? I love the guy, I never
touched him, I never laid a hand on him and I never hit him with that chair.
I wouldn't touch one hair on his head and deep down, I think he knows that. He
knows I love him and that I would never strike him, because I would do
anything for him. And the sick bastards who bought this show, who bought
tickets to be here, and everyone else, they just won't let it die. They won't
let me forget what happened, even you had to bring it up.

"So I hit him, I hit him, ONCE! It was an accident Kanyon, completely
unintentional in every way. Something like that could have happened to anyone,
and it was three goddamn weeks ago. That fucker had cost me everything, he'd
lost me the tag team titles because he went soft. He threw my hopes and my
dreams all over the floor, he had a chance to win us the match when he had that
chair in his hand, but he threw it aside because he's soft. He's a pussy
Kanyon, I love the guy to bits, but he's a pussy and he cost me it all. All I
was trying to do was help him out of the ring, BOOM, one momentary loss of
concentration, one spasm in my arms, just a few pounds of energy carried from
my hand into that steel chair, and I bought it down across his head.

"And this is what I get, I get the blame. Does anyone realise, has anyone had
a single moments thought to my responsibilities to the fans I had. They placed
their confidence in me to carry the team through, and it didn't occur to anyone
that it might jeopardise my future by failing to live up to these expectations.
With all that said, it leaves me no choice but to deal with this matter in the
harshest way possible, and there's nothing I look forward to with greater
pleasure that that."

Brian Pillman soaks up the rather negative response, as it becomes clear the
man has well and truly lost it.

Backstage meanwhile we see Dynamite Kid preparing for his match when The
Syndicate approach.

Storm: "So Hardy thinks he's some sort of dictator now does he?"

Shamrock: "Yeah, you've got to put a stop to this."

Dynamite: "Don't worry, I intend to. But if Snitsky and Heidenreich give me
any grief..."

Storm: "Don't worry, we'll be there to put a stop to it."

Back in the ring, Hunter Hearst-Helmsley has entered and has a mic.

Helmsley: "First of all, you can all take a look at what a real CLASSY man is
like. I have more money than all of you, more beautiful women and most
importantly, a greater tag team partner than any of you could ever wish for,
ladies and gentlemen, here is - ROCKABILLY!"

Rockabillys dreadful music hits and out he comes with a huge grin on his face
and a sparkly jacket. As he "Shufflebillys" his way down the aisle, he is
bombarded by an onslaught of litter being thrown from the crowd, but is too
stupid to even notice. Climbing into the ring and parading his even more
sparkly jacket, he and Helmsley embrace before Rockabilly takes the mic.

Rockabilly: "Thankyou Hunter, and I'm very proud to be making my debut here
tonight. Sadly it has to be against a, are you ready for this, a ROODY POO
CANDY JABRONI like Brad Armstrong. But I'm going to hit him with THE most
electrifying move in sports entertainment today... SHUFFLEBILLY!"

Dropping the mic, Rockabilly gives us a sickening demonstration of Shufflebilly
before thankfully, and to a big pop, Brad Armstrongs music kicks up and "The
Rock" makes his entrance.

"The Rock" Brad Armstrong vs Rockabilly

Brad Armstrong was out for revenge against Rockabilly, and though Rockabillys
debut may have been muched hyped by himself, he was well out of his depth on
this one, with Armstrong, very much channeling the spirit of The Rock, blasted
him from the start. Even Helmsley making a nuisance of himself at ringside
wasn't safe as Armstrong took it to the floor just so he could get close to
Hunter and hit a big Rock Bottom on him outside the ring.

As shaken up as Hunter was, he'd be back on his feet in due course - Rockabilly
wasn't so quick though as Brad continued the onslaught in the ring with
Rockabilly seeing almost no offence. Finally the Rock Bottom came and the
Peoples Elbow was coming. Hunter tried to grab Brads foot from the outside, and
Armstrong retaliated by dragging him onto the apron and hitting his Rock-style
big slaps than sent Helmsley sprawling. But whilst Brad bent down to badmouth
him, Rockablly saw the opening to hit the Fame Asser. Quickly he went for the
cover and Helmsley helped things by holding onto Brads foot, and somehow
Rockabilly had just scored one of the biggest upsets in DWF history.

Rockabilly pinned Brad Armstrong with the Fame Asser in 0:08:09.
Rating: **** 1/4

Rockabilly celebrates his win in typically modest fashion, but an angry Brad
isn't down for long and quickly grabs Rockabilly, drilling him with the Rock
Bottom. Helmsley runs over to Brad but is caught as well, and Armstrong hits
a second Rock Bottom. And as a final coup de grace, Armstrong nails both of
them with a double Peoples Elbow to the delight of everyone.

Backstage with Michael Cole...

Cole: "Matt Hardy, what in the world did we see from you out there earlier?"

Hardy: "I'm the president of the DWF and as president, I should rule as such,
that's why the DWF will now be recognised in all historical records as being
just what I described it, a Cult of Personality. Believe me, that's a good
thing. Now, Dynamite Kid is the next in a long line of people who've messed
with me and I'm going to have to take care of him and smash him up good and
proper. To do that, I..."

Heidenreich: "Hey Matt."

Hardy: "Uhhh, what is it Jon?"

Heidenreich: "I like smashing up CASKETS!"

Hardy: "Excuse me?"

Snitsky: "Hey Matt."

Hardy: "Uhhh, Gene..."

Snitsky: "I like smashing up BABIES!"

The uneasy silence is broken by Matt.

Hardy: "So anyway, Dynamite Kid, prepare to see why I'm the leader of the DWF
and you're only the futile employee."

Heidenreich: "And then I'll get him with my LASER VISION!"

Hardy: "Could you stop with the laser vision thing already..."

Hardy leads his bodyguards off, still complaining as we head back to the ring.
Owen Hart then makes his way down, carrying a large felt cushion, upon which
sits a hammer, evidently the hammer that'll be used to ring the bell for the
upcoming tag title match. Curt Hennig follows him out in his referees uniform,
and we can hear him saying he'll be calling this one down the middle. Whilst
that's doubtful, he'll hopefully maintain control at least in the next match..."

Edge & Christian (c) vs The Syndicate (tag team titles, special guest referee: Curt Hennig)

The main factor everyone was worried about in the tag title match was the
presence of guest referee Curt Hennig - with him and Owen Hart scheduled for a
tag title shot at Badd Blood, would he do everything in his power to screw
everything up? Truth be told, in the early stages he was actually keeping
things fair. His counts were a little slow, yes, and there were a couple of
occasions where a regular ref might have made three, especially when Edge hit
a big spear on Lance Storm, but at least he was keeping things consistent.

As far as the teams went, it was a very good match truth be told with both
teams wrestling well and keeping it clean, and with things very even, there was
no clue as to who was going to come out of this one with the titles. Sure
enough, things began to take a more sinister turn as Owen Hart stepped out of
his seat and looked to interfere. Seeing this, Edge and Christians running
buddy Rob Van Dam made his way down to keep an eye on him.

In the ring, Edge and Christian were taking control of things with Christian
the legal man working on Shamrock. Things did break down with Edge and Storm
getting into the ring and Curt Hennig making no attempt to regain any order.
Edge and Storm began clambering up the same turnbuckle on one side - what
exactly their intentions were is unclear as Shamrock was whipped into them, and
both Edge and Storm were effectively wiped out. Christian meanwhile kept
control over Shamrock, but things got far worse as, from out of nowhere, Brian
Pillman appeared and nailed RVD from behind, and began pummeling him. Christian
was obviously distracted and it was here that Owen Hart ran in and blasted
Shamrock with a chair whilst neither of the legal men were watching. Christian
turned around and was met with an enzuigiri by Owen which caused Christian to
fall right on top of Shamrock. And whilst officials dragged Pillman out of
there, Hennig "admonished" Owen Hart, then counted a quick pin to allow Edge
and Christian to retain.

Match with Special Referee Curt Hennig:
Edge & Christian (Edge and Christian) defeated
The Syndicate (Lance Storm and Ken Shamrock) when Christian pinned Shamrock
after outside interference in 0:19:02.
Rating: **** 3/4
(Edge & Christian retained the Tag Team Titles.)

As Pretty Perfect walk off smugly amidst the officials, we go backstage to see
Steve Corino in the dressing room with Billy Kidman.

Corino: "Listen, thanks for agreeing to take part in this match Billy, I could
use some backup in there."

Kidman: "So, what, I'm backup for you? You know, it wasn't long ago that you
were running backup for me."

Corino: "Billy, it's not like that, but I'm the man with the gold right now,
so after all I did for you, is it too much to expect for you to return the
favour?"

Kidman: "No, I just, you know, the way you said it makes me sound..."

Corino: "Don't worry, we'll get you your world title back and the two of us
will once again be holding all the gold. Besides, you don't want to win the
TV title off me, it's not an equal to the world title."

Kidman: "Yeah, you're right man, see you out there."

Kidman walks off, perhaps a little happier at his position now. Corino
meanwhilst stares proudly at his belt.

Corino: "No, it's BETTER!"

We switch to Sean Mooney with Rey Mysterio.

Mooney: "Hi roving fans, I'm Sean Mooney getting all the latest scoops..."

Rey: "What's with all the cuts on your face?"

Mooney: "What cuts? Anyway, what the madcore fans of the DWF want to know is
your condition following that anklelock last Monday."

Rey: "Yeah, it's fine, and I don't appreciate what Angle did to me. If he
thinks he can go around doing that to everyone he doesn't like the look of,
then he's going to have me to deal with. As a matter of fact..."

Invariably, Kurt Angle who has obviously been listening on, jumps Rey from
behind and stomps him whilst he's down before clamping on another ankle lock.

Angle: "I'm going to break your freaking ankle you Mexican midget."

Referees run out and manage to pull him away, but the damage has been done.
Angle pulls Sean Mooney over.

Angle: "Did you see what I did there to the stupid gringo? I'm gonna do exactly
the same thing to that loser Rhyno, who probably has some Canadian blood in
him or something, and I'll get my shot at the world title like I deserve."

Angle goes off angrily as we go back to ringside.

Dynamite Kid vs Matt Hardy

Matt Hardys disgusting persona as of late has raised the ire of many people,
and Dynamite Kid was hoping to be the one to shut him up. And sure enough,
the former champion took it right to the commissioner, blasting him with stiff
clotheslines that were rocking Hardy. As the match wore on, Dynamite was
clearly the better man here by a long way, and was destined for victory, thus
bringing in Heidenreich for the most blatant attack from behind. Hardy then
ordered the referee not to disqualify him under penalty of being fired. Cheap,
cheap, cheap. After Snitsky blew his fire breath onto him and then warned Matt
not to burn himself when picking Dynamite up, Hardy hit the Twist of Fate for
a pathetically straight forward win - straight forward when you've got two
thugs attacking your opponent knowing full well it won't cost you.

Matt Hardy pinned Dynamite Kid with the Twist of Fate in 0:11:23.
Rating: **** 1/4

At the win, Matt Hardy is joined by Snitsky and Heidenreich, who congratulate
our "beloved" commissioner on his triumph, before stomping away on the fallen
Dynamite. Hardy directs them on, until The Syndicate run out and trade blows
with the two bodyguards. Snitsky breathes his fire breath onto Ken Shamrock (in
his mind) but is caught by surprise when the flaming body staggers towards him,
causing him to flee and avoid being burned. Heidenreich is left two on one and
The Syndicate duly clothesline him out, whilst Hardy makes a quick exit as
well.

While The Syndicate check on Dynamite, who seems battered but OK, we go to a
DWF.com commercial - this week featuring an interview with Glacier. Back in
the ring, Kurt Angle is making a less than popular entrance. And sadly, he
grabs a mic.

Angle: "All my American brothers and sisters, I see a lot of welcome faces here
today, and some not so welcome - I see in the back somewhere a bunch of ill
mannered Canadian scum have turned up with their crappy flag and crappy teeth,
come to cheer your stinking heroes like Rhyno. Yeah, I'm thinking he's probably
got some Canuck blood in him to be so fat and ugly. And you dumbass Canadian
fans should be ashamed of yourselves. The rest of you, those who aren't
illegal immigrants who'll go home to eat your dog or whatever weird backwards
crap they do in other countries, I salute you and know you'll cheer me on
proudly to victory."

Nobody cheers, at least until Rhyno makes his entrance and the match gets
underway.

Rhyno vs Kurt Angle (number one contenders match)

Rhyno and Kurt Angle were deemed recently to be the top two contenders for the
world title, so both men had their chance here to earn a title shot at Badd
Blood. Although neither man knew who would be champion by then, it's more than
likely they would be happy with either option. Angle just wants a shot at what
he feels he deserves. For Rhyno, it's a win-win scenario - either he gets the
chance for revenge on Muraco after Muraco offered him money to do his dirty
work and then beat him up rather than pay, or he faces someone else and Muraco
is thusly no longer champion which is what a growing number of DWF stars are
hoping.

It was Angle who asserted himself from the get go, clearly out wrestling his
larger foe, with his far superior range of holds and counter holds. Rhyno
couldn't seem to distance himself from Angle in order to hit any big power
moves that would give him the edge. Whilst Rhyno did get glimpses of offence,
Angle was, on this night, the better wrestler, and looked to have it sewn up
when he had the ankle lock slapped on, but then spied Rey Mysterio staggering
down the aisle and looking for revenge. Angle wasn't having any of it and
caught Rey with a perfectly timed baseball slide. Angle then preoccupied himself
with telling the "stupid taco-wearing sombrero-eating midget" to get out of
America, and if he'd been paying more attention, he would have noticed Rhyno
recoving, and he turned right round into a huge Gore that enabled Rhyno to
pick up a fortunate win.

Number-One-Contenders-Match:
Rhyno pinned Kurt Angle with the Gore in 0:11:24.
Rating: **** 1/4

We go backstage to Michael Cole.

Cole: "Alex Wright, you're here tonight along with bodyguard Ulf Herman, but
you're not in action I see defending your Intercontinental title. Any reason?"

Wright: "Dummer Amerikaner mit ihren dummen fragen. I am the greatest wrestler
ever to step foot in your Amerikaner ring, why should I defend my title often
for you and these fans against "their" wrestlers. I will step into the ring
if I have to, on my own terms. But I do not need you foolish Americans asking
me with you stupid questions when I will defend my title. Did you not see what
I did to your supposed great Brad Armstrong when I won this belt? I spat on him
like I spit on all Americans, I destroyed him and in doing so, I destroyed the
hopes and dreams of all the little children around the country who look up to
fools like him. But don't worry, I'll be at Badd Blood next month, and there
you can see what a true Intercontinental champion can do."

Wright and Herman walk off steadfast as we head back to the ring.

Steve Corino (c) vs Billy Kidman vs Chris Jericho vs Bobby Eaton (television title, ladder match)

One of the biggest matches of the night saw Steve Corino defending his TV title
against three men in a ladder match - I say three, but right from the outset,
it was obvious the idea was for Corino and Kidman to team up and try to get
rid of the other two in order to help Corino retain. However this, as with
many things in life, can't always last.

Kidman started off going after Jericho while Corino and Eaton reengaged their
long standing feud in a clash that was remarkably tight. As fate would have it,
both Kidman and Corino were coming out on top - Corino went with Eaton to the
outside where he reversed an Irish whip and sent Eaton right into the ladder.
Kidman meanwhile was able to pull his knees up to block an attempted Asai
moonsault from Jericho.

From there, in came the ladders - two of them. Kidman also seemed to have
access to several tables under the ring and it was obvious where this one was
going to descend. From there, Kidman and Corino turned things into the
perverbial spot-fest, trying to find new ways to injure their opponents. On
one occassion, they set the ladders up in a seesaw like way, then positioned
Eaton at one end of this on a table, with his head draped over the side. On
the other side, Kidman and Corino took Jericho up top and hit him with a double
superplex - Jericho landed hard on the ladder whilst the other end of the
ladder sprang up and cracked Eaton across the head.

Despite the brutality of it, Corino never seemed to quite get the opening to
go all the way up the ladder and take the belt, with someone always recovering
and getting past Kidman to Corino. Finally Kidman had to take matters into his
own hands, putting Jericho in position on a table and going up a ladder for the
Shooting Star Press. Despite their dislike for Kidman, the crowd were anxious
to see this one, but were denied by Bobby Eaton tipping the ladder over and
sending Kidman to the mat. However nobody would be too disappointed for long as
Eaton himself headed up the ladder and delivered the Alabama Jam onto Kidman.

That one kept both men down for a while, allowing Corino and Jericho to duke
it out. With both ladders positioned neatly below the title, both men began to
head up on the same side of the ring, but on opposite ladders. Jericho was a
little quicker though and almost got a fingertip on the prize. Corino hit
Jericho with a couple of punches from his ladder, then after a moments pause,
managed to hit the Old School Expulsion from the top of the ladder that took
both men down - unluckily for Jericho he went right through the table that
Kidman had been planinng to use earlier.

Despite having been hit with the Alabama Jam, it was Kidman stirring quickest
out of him and Eaton, with Eaton having taken a lot of punishment earlier in
the match. Kidman began exploring his options, but Eaton was up too, and began
trading punches with Kidman before taking a ladder and catching him in the gut.
With Kidman winded, Eaton headed up the other ladder, but Kidman was soon back
in the game and went up on the other side of the ladder and met Eaton up top,
and once again they traded blows. This time Kidman won and Eaton slid back
down the ladder. Kidman thought about hitting something on Eaton, then
realised he was inches away from the title with no obvious challengers to stop
him.

Kidman clearly deliberated, and then reached out for the title, only for Eaton
to push the ladder over, causing Kidman to fall crotch first on the top rope
and exit the ring. Eaton staggered up, only for Corino to come over and hit a
second Old School Expulsion, and this time there really was no challengers,
and Corino headed up, inch by painful inch, and was able to retain the title in
an incredible match. More disturbingly though, replays showed that at the time
of Kidman going for the title, Corino was awake and clearly looking right at
him - that can't possibly have pleased the champion.

No-Countout-No-DQ-Four Corners Ladder Match:
Steve Corino defeated Chris Jericho, Billy Kidman and Bobby Eaton in 0:17:28.
Rating: *** 3/4
(Steve Corino retained the Television Title.)

We go backstage to Michael Cole with Don Muraco and Jeff Hardy. Muracos face
is a lot more cleared up but his eyes are still bright red and obviously
causing him some discomfort.

Cole: "Don Muraco, going into this match with Raven, what is your condition
after the events of earlier this evening."

Muraco: "Don't you stick your nose in Cole, my condition is just fine, it's
better than fine."

Cole: "But you look like you can barely see."

Muraco: "I said shut up. Raven, I'm going to enjoy this match, for so long I've
waited to hurt you, all I hear from people is 'Raven beat you Muraco, Raven
beat you'. That was ONE YEAR AGO! This match is to erase the memory of that
fluke, but you should feel lucky Raven. Every punch, every blow is going to
be for that sushi eating bastard Hayabusa. If he thinks he can pull some sick
stunt on me like this, he has another thing coming."

Jeff: "Hayabusa pain
He will soon feel the full wrath
I glow like the moon."

Cole: "Ummm, yes..."

Muraco: "Like I was saying, Raven, prepare to feel suffering like you've never
felt before. Prepare to see the full extent of what I can do - you heard what
people said I had done to Jerry Lynn, now it's your turn Raven, now it's your
turn to see truly what everyone was talking about."

Cole: "Well, we understand there's some commotion going on at ringside, let's
head back out there.

Indeed there is, as La Resistances music is playing and the duo are backing up
towards the ring. Forcing them down there are several referees and officials,
who are pointing them back towards the ring, despite protests from the champs.
Once in the ring, despite their pleads, we get an announcement from the ring
announcer.

Buffer: "Lllllllllllladies and gentlemen, I have just been informed by the DWF
officials who reviewed the earlier match that if La Resistance do not defend
their Intercontinental tag team titles without running like a couple of
pussies..."

Hebner: "You know, that's not exactly what I said."

Buffer: "...then they will be STRIPPED of their titles which will be awarded
to The Pitbulls."

La Resistance flip out in the ring, not believing this. And worse is to come
as The Pitbulls have clearly heard all this and make their way back out to
settle this match properly...

La Resistance (c) vs The Pitbulls (Intercontinental tag team titles)

La Resistance vs The Pitbulls MKII and this was no different in terms of the
way things were going. OK, La Resistance quickly jumped their challengers with
some stomps the moment the Pitbulls slid into the ring but it didn't last as
the Pitbulls hit them with a double clothesline and took it in turns to hit
the champs with whatever they could - powerslams and the like. Pitbull #1 then
pressed Dupree right out of the ring and followed up by diving through the
ropes and wiping him out.

This left Pitbull #2 and Sylvain in the ring and Grenier was no match for him,
and #2 tore through him and hit the Mass Destruction to score the one-two-three
and finally The Pitbulls have claimed championship gold in the DWF.

The Pitbulls (Pitbull #1 and Pitbull #2) defeated
La Resistance (Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier) when Pitbull #2 pinned
S. Grenier after the Mass Destruction in 0:02:25.
Pitbull #1 tore his left calf muscle. He will be out for approximately 6 months.
Rating: ** 1/4
(The Pitbulls won the Intercontinental Tag Team Titles.)

We go backstage to Michael Cole who is with Raven.

Cole: "Raven, you and Muraco are one a piece in your storied rivalry, tonight
you finally get him one on one for the title."

Raven: "It still hurts you to this day doesn't it Don? All this time in the
DWF and forever you've got that one blemish on your record, that one pinfall
that'll never go away, and everytime you look at me, you'll know that for every
guy you've got a perfect record over, you won't ever have that over me. If you
weren't already going into this match half blind, I'd say you can't see the
forest for the trees Muraco. You can say you're planning to pound my face in
or whatever cliched crap you might be talking about this month. Fact is as
bitter hacks go, you're as bitter as they get.

"Let's face it Muraco, you might be on top, you might have beaten Jerry Lynn,
and you might even have that on your epitaph, but what else have you got? A
manager who dresses like a woman and writes bad poetry? A world title that is
nothing more than a prop for you to boast about, not something you can really
feel proud of. You know Don, if you weren't blind going into this, this match
will really leave you unable to see what's really going on."

Raven lowers his head as we go to a pre-recorded message - in front of a white
screen, once again, is Test.

Martin: "Hi, my name is Andrew Martin. A few years ago during the Royal Rumble
match, I was thrown through the ropes onto a flaming table and shattered my
skull. Goodness knows how I was able to come back and win before becoming
the world champion at Wrestlefest.

"This near tragedy demonstrates what a dangerous sport wrestling is. So please
folks, don't be a bozo, and don't be a clown, please don't try this at home."

The "Don't try this at home" message shimmers and flashes on the screen before
we return to the ring.

Don Muraco (c) vs Raven (world heavyweight title)

The misting Muraco had received still left him affected going into his big
title defense against his greatest rival, Raven. Indeed, it was obvious his
eyes were still greatly affecting him as he frequently stopped to rub them, and
the discomfort was clear, although at least he could see now. Still, as one
would have suspected, Raven took advantage of the situation right from the
offset, peppering him with punches to the face, and occasionally to the eyes
themselves.

Luckily for Muraco, he's not the world champion for nothing and a quickly
caught clothesline on his part shortly into the match swung the tide back in
his favour. Though he clearly wasn't in the best condition, having got the
advantage, he was able to maintain it by persistently hitting Raven with any
big moves in his arsenal. Raven would eventually come back into it though and
he had Muraco staggered, and unable to see well what was going on. Muraco was
still kicking out of everything though, so Raven went to the well once more
by hooking him for the Evenflow. Muraco countered by charging him into the
corner.

Muraco struck Raven a couple of times before Raven turned things back around
with a thumb to the eye. Hopping onto the turnbuckles, Raven then mounted
Muracos back and began clawing at the eyes, hoping to make Muraco give in, but
ever resourceful, Muraco pulled him off his back, right into position for the
Tombstone and dropped the challenger before making the cover to retain his
title.

Though Muraco retained his title tonight, it's not a day he'll want to repeat
in a hurry, but it could end up being far preferable to what he has in store
at Badd Blood now Rhyno is the number one contender and out for revenge.

Don Muraco pinned Raven with the Tombstone in 0:18:20.
Rating: ****
(Don Muraco retained the Heavyweight Title.)
Ghost Mask IIIPosted on 12/31/05 at 21:54:26

I'm about to head out for the day, but I had a chance to read most of the promos, and most of the card... you're a funny, witty guy, 91. I cracked up a few times readin' these promos. Anyhoo, I'll reply with a bigger post later. I think you had some great matches on this card.

Happy New Years, Fit "91" Finley! 8)
Ghost Mask IIIPosted on 01/01/06 at 23:06:05

Maybe I didn't catch something before this card or on this care, but what's with Hardy's nickname? Honestly, I write and study haiku. Seriously. Anyhoo, I was just wondering. Is Hardy taking this route in his real career? I don't keep up with him. I actually like the way you give nicknames to established wrestlers. I may do that in the future because your shows make me laugh.

The Hardy / Busa match was a great read. Did all the action actually take place in TNM, or did you write some of it out? Also, have you taken La Parka out of the Cruiserweight divion? If not, I would like to see him go after the title again. If he is out, get him after some gold, he's just too entertaining and talented to be strapless.

All the promos were great. I enjoyed Armstrong, I mean The Rock. It brought me back to the days when I was actually watching wrestling constantly. Hardy's haiku was great. I love all your little gimmicks and teams and whatnot. The DWF is not like most TNM circuits, it's a refreshing read. The La Resistance promo was priceless. I'm glad they slipped by the Pitbulls.

The Juvy promo was okay. I'm glad he won. I'm a sucker for old WCW lightweights and the dragon suplex. Also, Zbyszko is my boy. I wish he would have killed Cena, literally. Sorry, I hate Cena. Honestly, I would love to see Funaki or Gillberg or Rufus beat Cena.

Skip along... skipping... and I wish The Rock would have beat Rockabiliy. Also, I was pulling for The Syndicate. Do you have plans for them and the tag titles in the future? You seem to have a good tag team division.

Yay! Hardy wins. I hated to see Angle lose, but it was to an awesome wrestler. I love Rhyno, but I don't think I'll have him in my new circuit till in the future. I don't know why I just shared that. Anyway, stop jobbing Mr. Angle! :-)

Glad to see Corino keep his hands on HIS title. Eaton is the only guy I see or would want to take the title from him. However, I would like to see Corino keep the title still. He's the man in the DWF! Has Corino ever won the main gold title, or do you see that ever happening in the future?

Those damn Pitbulls beat La Resistance~! :-(

I'm okay with Muraco winning, even though I never saw him wrestle. He was before my time. I'm just happy to see Raven in the main event. I hope Raven comes back and takes the title, but if not, at least he pu ton a four star match with the Don.

Basically, this was a entertaining card, 91.
91Posted on 01/01/06 at 23:54:46

Dankeschun for the feedback. In answer to your questions...

what's with Hardy's nickname?

It gives him a little extra dimension, based on his real life persona - Jeff writes a lot of poetry that gained a little exposure a few years ago. I simply took it a step further and had him specialise in the art of haiku, kicking off with one of my all time favourite segments where prior to a Hardys vs Strike Force match, Jeff and Rick Martel engaged in some freestyle haiku insults that had even Matt siding against Jeff.

Did all the action actually take place in TNM, or did you write some of it out?

95% of the time I come up with all the details, though sometimes the match script will give me some ideas of what I can put in the match description.

Also, have you taken La Parka out of the Cruiserweight divion?

Not specifically - I always intended to give Hardy the belt with whomever got voted in at the Clash of the Champions event being a transitional champ. Sadly I hadn't done anything with La Parka in ages having nothing for him to do, and I couldn't think of anything for him to do with the belt, so I had Hardy win sooner than planned.

Do you have plans for them and the tag titles in the future?

Possibly, nothing set in stone though. I know who my next champs will be, barring injuries. After that, they're contenders.

Has Corino ever won the main gold title, or do you see that ever happening in the future?

The TV title is the highest he's gotten. Corino is one of my mid-carders who I intend to have at the top at some point, but there's nothing specifically planned right now. There are several other guys who are yet to be world champion (Kurt Angle, Brad Armstrong, Brian Pillman and Sean O'Haire) whom I'd like to elevate to that spot at some point, so it's a crowded picture.
KagePosted on 01/02/06 at 00:40:50

I gotta say that I love reading your shows.
Especially like the 'alternate' characters you've created for certain guys...

Just my two cents.

PS: Rockabilly rules....
UnrightPosted on 01/02/06 at 01:04:12

Great card..

Matt Hardy as Che Guevara is awesome, he is one of the few that could pull that off.

Awesome that the Pitbulls won the IC Tag Titles, but bummer   about the injury.
Snabbit888Posted on 01/08/06 at 01:33:22

Solid opener.  Not surprising that Jeff would keep the gold, but nice to see Muraco get black misted to give him a bit of weakness for the main event.  Regardless of what happens in the main event though, I fully expect Hayabusa to be killed very very soon.

Wow... quick escape for La Resistance.

Nice win for Juvi, and good to see Kid Kash's injury is minor.

Sean Mooney is all things good and decent.

Not a lot of surprises with Bruno winning.  Give him a World Title shot for match 2!

Pillman rules.

Did Rockabilly just beat Brad Armstrong?  Gadzooks.  Armstrong's face turn is pushed further and further though.

The tag title match was high quality.  The Syndicate has grown on me, and even with all the extra curricular stuff, this was good stuff.  Now, will Storm and Shamrock exact some revenge against Pretty Perfect?

Sean Mooney rules all.  And Kurt keeps going crazier and crazier.  Maybe he needs to partner up with Pillman.  They seem perfect for each other.

How in the world has Shane McMahon not dismissed Matt Hardy yet?  He's so conniving. *single tear*

Even with Mysterio's presence lessening the blow, that's still a bad bad loss for Kurt Angle.  He's seemed so close to taking the next step for months now, but always falls short.  Meanwhile, while Rhyno probably won't win, it'll be ineresting to see how he fares against Muraco.

Glad to see Corino retain, holding the belt for around 8 months now.  You had to figure that Kidman would make a grab at the title though.  I mean, Kidman loves himself some gold.  A little trouble brewing now?

Booo to La Resistance losing the titles!  And double boo to Pitbull #1 tearing his calf.  Maybe now the IC tag titles will be eliminated?  ;D

Muraco is quite the strong champ.  Despite being half-blind, he retains against Raven, as well he should have.  Now, he gets to kick Rhyno's ass.  At this point, I'm seriously at a loss for who could possibly defeat him.
Psymin1Posted on 01/26/06 at 21:44:22

No prizes for guessing which film I saw recently, in relation to one segment.
Well?  Which movie was it?  And which segment was it in?




~Branden
Snabbit888Posted on 01/26/06 at 22:15:06

On 01/26/06 at 21:44:22, Psymin1 wrote:

Well? Which movie was it? And which segment was it in?




~Branden
*throws Branden from the train*

:)
91Posted on 01/27/06 at 19:37:06

On 01/26/06 at 22:15:06, Snabbit888 wrote:

*throws Branden from the train*

:)
Oh yeah... two movie references.

Actually Brian Pillmans interview was based on (IE plagerised) one of Jack Nicholsons monologue in The Shining which has the distinction of being the ONLY good horror film I've ever seen.

And I've seen The Omen, so don't anyone suggest that.
Psymin1Posted on 01/27/06 at 20:50:08

Actually Brian Pillmans interview was based on (IE plagerised) one of Jack Nicholsons monologue in The Shining which has the distinction of being the ONLY good horror film I've ever seen.
Did you watch that this weekend when it was on TV? I can't remember what station it was on, but I watched it too. And, I figured the Throw Mamma From the Train one was too obvious, which is why I asked. Though, I did set myself up to be thought of as an idiot.



~Branden
AnubisPosted on 01/28/06 at 07:39:23

Whoa, I felt like I was playing the Rise of Heroes scenario in Romance of the Three Kingdoms while I was reading this card.  Something about hearing Jeff Hardy read poetry and then seeing Bruno Sammartino wrestle makes me feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.

Definitely interesting in the presentation, though, and the matches would be interesting to see in real life if they were possible.

Sometimes makes me wish there was a way to bring back the dead so we can see the wrestlers from generations past go up against today's top guns.
91Posted on 01/28/06 at 17:16:11

On 01/27/06 at 20:50:08, Psymin1 wrote:

Did you watch that this weekend when it was on TV?  I can't remember what station it was on, but I watched it too.

~Branden
BBC1 had it a couple of months back. Sucked me in it did.

On 01/28/06 at 07:39:23, Anubis wrote:Whoa, I felt like I was playing the Rise of Heroes scenario in Romance of the Three Kingdoms while I was reading this card. Something about hearing Jeff Hardy read poetry and then seeing Bruno Sammartino wrestle makes me feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.
Tis' the beauty of TNM, the only limit is your imagination... that and not being able to have a 60 man World War III.