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DWF Clash of the Champions XIV - Forbidden Friday

91Posted on 12/11/05 at 05:01:59

Date 04/01/08 (because it wouldn't fit in the subject line), it's the first show of the new year and amazingly it took me about two years to get through one year, when it used to take me about three months. Curse my putting more thought and detail into these things. Anyway, I counted the votes up, and I actually got several clear winners which was a nice surprise. Here goes...
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We open the show by going backstage to see Matt Hardy sitting at the desk of
his office on the phone. Behind him stand Gene Snitsky and Heidenreich.

Hardy: "So Shane, what do you think of your brilliant commissioner now? This
show is bound to put me in a positive light with the fans. After all, THEY
picked the matches. And if they don't like this, they can go and fu..."

Sean Mooney walks on.

Hardy: "Ahhh, can I call you back Shane, I've got something I need to deal with,
but I'll see you next week, payrisepayrisepayrise."

Mooney: "You wanted to see me?"

Hardy: "Yeah. Listen, I was going to get Michael Cole and King Kanyon to
interview the wrestlers and announce the results and such, but Michael Cole
has come down with tonsillitis. I told him that losing his voice was no excuse
and I wanted him to come to work."

Mooney: "What did he say?"

Hardy: "I dunno, he sort of croaked a lot. But anyway, I've been calling
around for a replacement for tonight - Mean Gene Okerlund, Gordon Solie,
Kevin Kelly, Joey Styles, Maria, Lillian Garcia, Hulk Hogan, El Gigante, The
Ultimate Warrior, Michael Buffer, Bruno Sammartino, Kane, Conquistadors Uno
and Dos, Bill Fralic, Mae Young, Vince Russo, Virgil, Who, Oz, Bret Hart,
Bruce Hart, Jimmy Hart, Steve Austin, Steve Blackman, Steve Regal, Steve
Richards, Ray Stevens, Gangrel, Mordecai, Eugene, The Gobbledy Gooker and this
nice man who once caught a snake in my basement. But none of them were
available, so... ugh, I need you to do it."

Mooney: "Wow, thanks Jeff."

Hardy: "Oh Christ..."

Mooney: "I swear I'll give my greatest ever performance, I'll shill
everything DWF like, and I can do some exclusives for tonights big DWF recap
show, DWF Skin Deep."

Hardy: "Listen Mooney, why don't you act more like Michael Cole this time."

Mooney: "More like Cole?"

Hardy: "Yeah, he keeps himself out of trouble."

Snitsky: "And if you don't, I'll BURN you with my fire breath. Watch..."

Heidenreich: "Wow, you set fire to Matts desk. Are you watching Mooney?"

Mooney: "What fire?"

Hardy: "Don't worry about it, it's easier to cope with. Just be more like
Michael Cole and ask the sort of sensible questions he usually asks."

Mooney: "OK, I'll be more like Michael Cole... I'll be EXACTLY like Michael
Cole."

Snitsky: "Someone ought to put that fire out."

Hardy: "Ummm, yeah, exactly like Cole... sure."

Mooney leaves happily as Matt turns to his security.

Hardy: "What the hell is DWF Skin Deep?"

We go to the ring where television champion Steve Corino enters for the nights
opening match. In the ring awaits King Kanyon, dressed in his robes and crown,
and wielding a mic.

Kanyon: "Peasant crowd, you have turned up to witness his most regal majesty
appear on this most prestigious of DWF ceremonies. In your lack of wisdom, my
subjects have NOT voted for me, thy KING of wrestling, but as the most
gracious announcer in the DWF, I shall ask a most worthy individual, thou-est
is thy television champion, Steve Corino."

A big round of boos greets Corino.

Kanyon: "Steve Corino, you will shortly face the man voted to face you as
television champion, who does thou wish to compete against?"

Corino: "Well King, I'm dissapointed that I don't have the chance to face a
man of class like yourself, but it means that I should be in for an easy night.
And it doesn't matter who it is, because it could take ten, twenty minutes to
defeat me, but it takes two seconds for me to hit the Old School Expulsion and
NOBODY has ever, or will ever, kick out of that."

Kanyon: "Well my majestic self can reveal to you and all his peasant subjects
who is your opponent. He is... thy lowest of the lowlife commoners... JOHN
CENA!"

The unnecessarily evil one himself, John Cena enters to a good reception and
it is evident that he won the viewers vote to face Steve Corino. Cena is all
dressed and ready to go, but he also has a mic in hand.

Cena: "So it seems the people wanted to see me, the evil one, face you Corino.
And just as a little warm-up, I visited your house today posing as your
brother to your non English speaking maid and I didn't wipe my feet, instead I
trailed mud through your house, and I then gave her the month off, so when
you go home you'll have to clean the carpets."

Corino looks slightly baffled, yet irritated, as Cena goes on.

Cena: "And further more, when I arrived here today, I drove in and saw your
car parked in the lot and I backed up into it. As it happened, I didn't do any
damage."

Corino looks a little more relieved at this.

Cena: "So I took a hammer to it and smashed your headlights."

Corino: "WHAT?!?"

Cena: "And then, I smashed the headlights of the car next to it."

Kanyon: "Didn't you park next to me Steve?"

Cena: "And when I'm done, if that uptight, stuck-up prude Larry Zbyszko wants
a crack at my newly won television title, then all he has to do is ask... that
is, if he lets that little weedy Coach have a crack first. But first, onto
the matters at hand..."

Cena then makes his way to the ring for our opening match.

Steve Corino (c) vs "Unnecessarily Evil" John Cena (television title)

The nights opener then saw Steve Corino in another tough title defense against
John Cena. Cenas main job was to avoid the Expulsion that he had well scouted.
Corino went right in there for it literally two minutes into the match, but
luckily for Cena, the scouting worked well and he slipped out of the way before
Corino could get his hands on him. It was clearly enfuriating Corino, who
found he couldn't get close to the move as long as Cena kept facing him and
holding him back at arms length.

Cena was doing a good job, but Corino hasn't been television champion for the
last seven months without good reason, and things remained even right until
John Cena missed a charge into the turnbuckles. For the first time in the
match, Cena was vunerable having winded himself, and Corino built his title
run on taking advantage on moments like that, and within seconds, he'd hit the
Expulsion on Cena, and that was that, 1-2-3, Corino had once again retained the
title against a man he'd had to settle for a DQ loss against several months
earlier. ** 1/2

We go backstage to Sean Mooney and King Kanyon.

Mooney: "Hi everybody, this is Sean Mooney along with King Kanyon, what a
great match we just had and what a great evening we're set to have."

Kanyon: "Thou is correct, peasant, we are in for a most splendid evening of
entertainment, with many a mystery as to who will be voted in, but his most
royal highness predicts that whomever is voted to wrestle for the heavyweight
title will become unstuck at the hands of Don Muraco."

Mooney: "Without a doubt, the biggest mystery of the evening though is... who
will be Hunter Hearst-Helmsleys new tag team partner."

Kanyon: "Ummm, thou knows it will be Rockabilly."

Mooney: "Well, who knows, maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong. But two men
who are never wrong are right here, Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier."

La Resistance walk on, wearing their Intercontinental tag team titles.

Mooney: "Gentlemen, how are you?"

Dupree: "We are very confident, especially after the good news this week."

Kanyon: "What news was that?"

Grenier: "Our applications for U.S. passports was officially approved - we are
now Americans like you guys."

Dupree: "Yes, and we want to be just like our fellow Americans to show our love
for their country."

Dupree and Grenier then put on a pair of cowboy hats.

Grenier: "Yee-haw, we got us the American national dress and we even learnt the
first verse of our national anthem."

Dupree: "Yes, we are true yanks now, as I believe our American brothers and
sisters like to be called."

Mooney: "Now for the biggest question of all - who will be Hunter Hearst
Helmsleys new tag team partner."

Kanyon: "Rockabilly!"

Dupree: "Who cares, we're more interested in who our opponents are."

Grenier: "Yes, we hope they are also proud Americans like us so we may share in
some apple pie and nachos."

Dupree: "Not too many, we want to be like the sixty six point six Americans
who aren't obese."

Kanyon: "Well we can announce now that your opponents will be Christian York
and Joey Matthews - the New Lions."

Dupree: "Hahaha, we love all our fellow Americans, but these two will be small
fry..."

Grenier: "Rene, they are more like French fries."

Dupree: "Yes, French like our home country."

Grenier: "Oui, we will have no problem King."

La Resistance walk off confidently as we head back to the ring.

La Resistance (c) vs The Young Lions (Intercontinental tag team titles)

La Resistance fancied their chances over the Young Lions but it was a pretty
even affair throughout. Still, La Resistance certainly lowered the tone, using
every cheap tactic in the books and even going as far as to use their American
flag to choke out Christian York in the corner, bringing a huge protest from
the raucous crowd, disgraced at this obvious show of disrespect, regardless of
how much La Resistance boast about gaining citizenship.

When the peverbial 'hot tag' to Joey Matthews came, the fans were clearly into
it, enjoying seeing Matthews clean house on both members of La Resistance.
Christian York soon joined in and the two double teamed both men. Finally the
ref had to step in and eject York, giving Dupree the chance to nail Matthews
with the flag pole. Grenier hit the Coup de Grace and score another tainted
victory. ** 3/4

We go back to Sean Mooney and King Kanyon who stand with the reigning
cruiserweight champion Hector Guerrero.

Mooney: "Hector Guerrero, you're next up to defend your title, so far the
champions are two for two, can you continue this trend?"

Hector: "Of course I can, the Guerrero tradition is long and proud, and I will
easily retain my title due to my ability to cheat."

Mooney: "Cheat?"

Hector: "That's right, I will do whatever it takes, I am the greatest
cruiserweight in the world, and..."

Juventud: "WOOOOOOOH!!"

Juventud Guerrera walks on, whooping and flailing his arms in mock celebration.

Kanyon: "Greeting oh loyal subject Juventud Guerrera... what is thou doing
here?"

Juventud: "I am here to celebrate the greatest night of my life. The world
knows that I am truly the greatest cruiserweight in the world, and when the
people do the right thing and vote for me, I can prove it... who is this?"

Kanyon: "That is lowly peasant Sean Mooney."

Juventud: "Yeah I know who THAT is... actually I didn't. Who is this Sean
Looney guy? No, I don't care King, I want to know who the chump change with
the belt is here."

Kanyon: "Why that is ye current cruiserweight champion Hector Guerrero."

Juventud: "More like Sucker Guerrero, I call plagiarism on my surname which
he's blatantly stolen from me."

Hector: "Hey, you're talking to the real greatest cruiserweight and if I face
you, I will squish you ese."

Juventud: "IF you face me?"

Kanyon: "Well his royal highness can now reveal that the serf to face Hector
Guerrero will be... LA PARKA!"

That one gets a good pop from the watching crowd.

Hector: "BWAHAHAHAHA! That trastero? This'll be a walk over."

Juventud meanwhile stands there gawping.

Hector: "Hey, sorry there pal, I'm sure you came close."

Juventud: "I demand a recount, I DEMAND a recount damnit!"

Kanyon: "A very disconsolate Juventud Guerrera. But now, a special message
from the DWF."

Mooney: "And don't forget later tonight on the Home Shopping Network, there
will be an interview with the BRAND NEW DWF WORLD CHAMPION!"

Kanyon: "Oh for crying out loud..."

We go to the aforementioned special message which consists of, in front of a
white screen... Test?

Martin: "Hi, my name is Andrew Martin. Just recently I suffered a shattered
ankle at the hands of Curt Hennig in an accident in the ring. Goodness knows
how I was able to win that match.

"This disaster shows what a dangerous sport wrestling is, so please folks,
don't be a bozo and don't be a clown, please do NOT try this at home."

A little "do not try this at home" message flashes on the screen, before we
return to the ring. Hector enters confidently first, belt in tow. La Parka
joins us next, dancing his way down the aisle, shaking his knees and playing
air guitar, all the while Hector laughs hysterically at his opponent. Quickly
enough, La Parka storms in and we're underway.

Hector Guerrero (c) vs La Parka (cruiserweight title)

Hector Guerreros opponent then, La Parka. Hector didn't take La Parka very
seriously for the first thirty seconds or so, but that was a move he was soon
living to regret as La Parka blasted him with a flurry of offence early on
that sent Guerrero to the outside, leaving him to rethink things. Once Hector
took him a bit more seriously, he used his undeniably outstanding talents to
maintain control. La Parka kept on fighting though, and any time he was up and
not getting pounded, he mocked Hector with a little dancing and a little
strutting, finally goading Hector into losing his cool and throwing some wild
punches that left him open.

La Parka looked to be getting the better of him, taking him down after a series
of dropkicks, followed by a little air guitar. La Parka headed upstairs, but
Hector was back up and caught him on top, before throwing him off with a
capture suplex. The move looked tremendously impressive, and indeed it was as
La Parka was completely laid out by that, but so was Hector, having not
quite controlled his landing properly. By the time he crawled over to make the
pin, La Parka was able to kick out, although that in itself was extraordinary.

Hector was frustrated and spent more time from there complaining to the ref,
really giving La Parka a chance to come back. Throwing him into the ropes,
Hector then ducked his head allowing La Parka to hit a leg lariat of sorts to
the face of Hector, stunning him nicely, then delivering the asai moonsault
bodyblock move he favours, and it was enough to score a big upset and claim
the cruiserweight title to the delight of his cult following. *** 3/4

We return to Mooney and Kanyon.

Kanyon: "Wow, that match was truly worthy of my most glorious sovereign, and
what a monumental move we saw by Hector Guerrero in defeat."

Mooney: "That's right, he calls that move 'The Flying Burrito'.

Kanyon: "No he doesn't!!"

Mooney: "But right now, our guests are the reigning tag team champions, Sean
O'Haire and Brian Pillman, they are Psychoanalysis."

O'Haire: "Thankyou for having us, but let me confirm that not knowing the
opposition is not a problem for us, we've prepared for every possible outcome
and there isn't a team alive who worry us."

Mooney: "Yes, but this match is no holds barred, it's extremely dangerous,
you could catch a finger on something, maybe stub your toe."

Kanyons head sinks sadly into his hands.

O'Haire: "Touche, but no holds barred..."

Pillman: "NO HOLDS BARRED BABY! Me and Sean discussed this and we agree this
is the perfect match to finally rid us of some of the opposition."

O'Haire: "Ummmm, we didn't..."

Pillman: "What better way than to maim people and end careers in a match where
they can't stop me. I hope whoever gets voted in got themselves life insurance
before this match, because with what I have planned, they'll need it."

Kanyon: "Well, we can now confirm your opponents for what is undoubtedly the
biggest match of the evening so far..."

We switch to a triple split screen, with several teams in the heel locker room
on one side, several more in the face locker room on the other and Kanyon and
Psychoanalysis in the middle.

Kanyon: "OK, I'm being told... despite the high number of votes received for
Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon."

Furnas/LaFon: "YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

Upon hearing their names, Furnas and LaFon begin hugging and cheering
ecstatically."

Kanyon: "...the winners of the vote are... EDGE AND CHRISTIAN!"

Edge and Christian now begin to celebrate, along with Rob Van Dam who was
apparently with them. Furnas and LaFon look a lot more sheepish, while all the
other teams trudge off disappointedly.

Kanyon: "Edge and Christian, you two will be our most noble of challengers
here tonight. Your thoughts Psychoanalysis."

O'Haire: "Well Edge and Chr..."

Pillman: "I've got good news and bad news for you two. The good news is, when
I'm done with what I want to do with you, the ambulance will have no problems
dragging your bloodied, limp bodies to the hospital because it's been snowing
all week and the roads are dead. But the bad news, boys, is that there's a
national shortage of donor card holders. It's going to be a VERY bad night for
you two."

Mooney: "Psychoanalysis on they way to perhaps their biggest title defense to
date, let's head back to the ring."

Psychoanalysis (c) vs Edge & Christian (world tag team titles, no holds barred)

So Edge and Christian had won the right to face the tag team champions
Psychoanalysis, but perhaps they wouldn't have chosen a no holds barred match.
It wasn't long before they would have definitely been thinking that, as only
Brian Pillman seemed to be enjoying himself. Things started off well enough
with both teams making quick tags and enjoying a very fluid little tag team
encounter. O'Haire and Edge gave a very good accounting of themselves in an
impressive little sequence that resulted in Edge locking O'Haire into position
for the Downward Spiral five minutes in. Before he could execute the move,
Pillman came in and clocked Edge around the head with a steel chair. Christian
came in and took him down with a spear, and from there, the rule book was gone
and neither team would resort to "tag teaming" again.

With both teams taking tornado rules as the status quo from here (not that we
were actually under tornado rules, but try telling these guys that), it
degenerated into a fight, and what a fight. Tempers flared from the chairshot
as both Christian and a groggy, bust open Edge let emotions get the better of
them as they tore into Pillman. O'Haire tried to calm things down, only to
catch a chairshot to the arm from Christian. When he got back up, he too was
fuming, and wouldn't be holding back any more. With all men tearing into one
another, it started to get a little too violent, with each team pairing off
and engaging in some very stiff slugfests that were bloodying noses and
cutting faces.

Invariably, it was Pillman who took things down a further notch, grabbing the
timekeepers ring bell and beating Christian around the legs with it. Edge
responded by grabbing the timekeepers table and throwing it across the ring
into Pillman. The ring was somewhat of a mess now as everyone bought in
whatever wasn't nailed down, though chairs was always a popular one. Edge
himself would receive another shot to the head that left him an even bloodier
mess than before. O'Haire was left with a deep gash on his left arm where
the Canadians used a piece of the timekeepers table to gouge into him. Pillman
too was bust open after a meeting with the ringpost.

It was clearly deteriorating beyond all control, and not even the intervention
of at least two officials could stop them, as they were sent from the ring in
a furious protest against any efforts to cool tempers. Soon though it was
the strength of O'Haire that started to turn the tide as a hard powerslam took
Christian down, and he was soon thrown from the ring and a thoroughly battered
Edge was taken down with a press slam. It became clear that this match was
designed for Psychoanalysis, particularly Pillman who might have been hurt but
was revelling in the occasion. Even O'Haire, who had been initially reluctant,
was well and truly in the thick of things now.

Pillman left the ring to pound on Christian, whilst O'Haire delivered big
power moves to Edge, but each one only garnered a two. Finally O'Haire had had
enough, and headed up top for the Seanton Bomb. Spectacularly, he hit it, and
got... only two again. O'Haire was getting frustrated. Pillman sensed this and
as the ring had cleared up somewhat of weapons, he tossed O'Haire a steel chair
and grinned with evil intentions on his mind. O'Haire caught it and threatened
to hit Edge with it. Edge though was in no position to defend himself, and
the crowd recognised this as well, and voiced their disapproval at O'Haire.
O'Haire eventually relented and tossed the chair to one side, instead deciding
to deliver some more punches. The fans might have been relieved, but Pillman
looked shocked on the outside. It got far worse seconds later when O'Haire
went to pick Edge up, only for Edge to roll him over in a quick small package
and score the vital three count, and finally Edge and Christian had reclaimed
the tag team championship.

At the bell, Edge and Christian manage to celebrate slowly, thoroughly beaten
but as the ring announcer declares them as being once again the tag team
champions after a gap of over five years, we know that it's truly official.

Rob Van Dam runs to the ring, smoking... something. Dropping his smoke outside
the ring, he joins them in celebrating the triumph. O'Haire meanwhile sits
slumped on the mat dejectedly. Pillman meanwhile looks quietly stunned but
slides into the ring.

Grabbing the chair that O'Haire almost uses, he smirks sadistically, then
blasts Rob Van Dam in the back with it. Edge sees this and charges in, but
receives a chairshot to the head, knocking him cold. Christian tries the same
but catches the chair to the gut, doubling him over, before Pillman slams the
weapon down across his back. Striking RVD again, Pillman begins to look really
sick and aims another shot at RVD, only for O'Haire to snatch the chair away.

O'Haire throws it to the mat and begins to try and calm Pillman down. Pillman
has a wild look in his eyes, and is even frothing a little at the mouth, but
O'Haire speaks slowly and finally gets through to him, and Pillman relaxes
again.

As if to make it up to O'Haire, Pillman goes over to the ropes and holds them
open for O'Haire. O'Haire smiles and relaxes himself, and gives a small round
of applause to the new champs who are only now struggling to their feet, before
going over to leave the ring. But just as he steps through, Pillman snaps again
and yanks the second rope up into the groin of O'Haire, stopping him in his
tracks, then grabs the chair again and blasts O'Haire round the head, causing
him to fall head first into the retaining barrier. Pillman receives a huge
round of boos for his actions as he leaves the ring looking thoroughly proud
of his actions.

***** - it's probably Psychoanalysis' last match together but by an absolute
country miles, it's their best match ever. Four matches into the new year and I
have a likely MOTY already. Not bad...

We return backstage to Sean Mooney and King Kanyon.

Kanyon: "This proud monarchial figure stands stunned at the despicable actions
we have just witnessed."

Mooney: "Yes, and that chair must weigh in excess of three hundred pounds."

Kanyon: "Seriously, what the hell are you talking about?"

Mooney: "Right now we are to be joined by the Intercontinental champion Brad
Armstrong."

"The Rock" Brad Armstrong walks on and stands in a Rock-like pose as Mooney
continues.

Mooney: "Brad, how does it feel to..."

Brad holds his hand up to stop Mooney and smells the air a little.

Armstrong: "Finally... The Rock HAS COME BACK to Clash... of the Champions. And
let The Rock say this, he does not take questions from someone who smells of
monkeys piss and is clearly a hermaphrodite like your Sean Mooney."

Mooney: "Hey."

Armstrong: "You'll shut your mouth and not interrupt The Rock again unless you
want the taste slapped out of your mouth. The Rock though is curious. Who could
The Rock be facing? Will it be someone like Kurt Angle? How about Lance Storm?
Maybe one of those roody poo candy asses Eddie Guerrero or Rey Mysterio?
Perhaps it'll be Barry Horowitz, The Red Rooster or Scott Casey, who do you
think it'll be Sean Mooney."

Mooney: "Well..."

Armstrong: "What did The Rock say about interrupting him?"

Mooney: "But you..."

Armstrong: "There, you did it again. Do you want The Rock to lay the smacketh
down on your candy ass?"

Mooney: "..."

Armstrong: "Well? Are you ignoring The Rock? He just asked you a question
fool, answer him."

Mooney: "I..."

Armstrong: "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU WANT! And it doesn't matter who The
Rock faces either, regardless he will go in the Intercontinental champ, he will
go in the peoples champ and whoever he faces, he will take this belt, shine it
up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it straight up their candy
ass. Then The Rock will lay the smacketh down and walk back out, still the
greatest damn Intercontinental champ there ever was, still the greatest damn
peoples champ there ever was, and he'll get his belt cleaned once they remove
it from the colon of whoever he faces, and he'll still be the champ IF YOU
SMELL... what The Rock... is... cooking."

Armstrong heads off and once again he's getting an inexplicable ovation from
the crowd.

Kanyon: "Well, I have the results for the Intercontinental title vote, are you
excited Sean? Sean?"

Mooney stands there silently.

Kanyon: "And the man to face Brad Armstrong for the Intercontinental title will
be... hold on, I understand something is happening in the ring."

Indeed it is and we switch over there to see that, to a round of boos, Hunter
Hearst-Helmsley is in the ring.

Helmsley: "First of all, you should be ashamed of yourselves, I've been told I
didn't win a single vote for ANY title. I've heard a rumour that I didn't even
receive a single vote, anywhere. But nothing could spoil tonight, because I,
Hunter Hearst-Helmsley, a man who is quite definitely better than all of you
can now reveal the biggest mystery that the world has been asking for weeks,
not even The Young Lions have been able to solve this one. Ladies and gentlemen
the new tag team partner of Hunter Hearst-Helmsley, here is... ROCKABILLY!"

Big deal, we've known this for weeks. None-the-less, Helmsley acts like it's a
big surprise he's very proud of, as out comes Rockabilly, dressed in even more
shiny and glittery garb than normal. Dancing and bopping to his awful theme
music, he treats us all to his stupid backwards shuffle dance thing.

Helmsley: "Ladies and gentlemen, what a dance, he calls it Shufflebilly, it's
going to knock the socks off you all over the coming months, especially the
ladies."

Rockabilly enters the ring, and officials are having a hard time clearing the
litter from the ring faster than it's being thrown in. Meanwhile Helmsley and
Rockabilly shake hands, then share a sickening embrace.

Helmsley: "Rockabilly, it's a pleasure to finally have you here full time in
the DWF."

Rockabilly: "Thankyou Hunter, I knew Matt Hardy would finally come round."

Helmsley: "And with the persuasion of someone with as much class and stature as
myself, there was never any doubt, plus I'm filthy rich and I bribed him
proper. But now everyone is asking, when will you be making your in ring debut?"

Rockabilly: "Well Hunter, it'll be real soon. I'm a fantastic wrestler as you
well know, we've been friends a long time and we're going to take the DWF by
storm, be it in singles or tag teaming together, we're going to make the best
force ever, because with your class and prestige, and my style and finesse,
there's nobody who can stop us."

Helmsley and Rockabilly laugh some, when the music for Brad Armstrong hits up
and "The Rock" comes out to a great reception, which is still mystifying. As
he poses, Helmsley notably still has his mic.

Helmsley: "Rock, Rock, great to have you here to share this. Now that you're
here, I wanted to say, from one great to another, congratulations on your
amazing run as Intercontinental champion."

Helmsley hands the mic to Armstrong and extends his hand. The crowd wills Brad
to nail Helmsley and finally confirm his turn to the side of good. Indeed,
they're really roaring him on.

Armstrong: "Hunter Hearst-Helmsley, let The Rock say this, you are without a
doubt........ another true great, and The Rock appreciates your support."

Armstrong indeed shakes Helmsleys hand and the crowd boos its disapproval.
Armstrong drops the mic, as his music starts up again so he can pose some more
while Helmsley and Rockabilly leave the ring. As they head off, Rockabilly gets
an idea and returns to the ring, unbeknownst to Helmsley who makes his leave.
Rockabilly grabs the mic.

Rockabilly: "Hey Rock. I also wanted to say from one great to another, this is
a big thrill for me to be in the ring with you now and I'm sure it's just a big
a thrill for you."

Rockabilly hands Armstrong the mic and also extends his hand. Armstrong just
stares at him.

Armstrong: "Wait... you think you're also a big great?"

Rockabilly nods enthusiastically, with a huge beaming smile on his face.

Armstrong: "Well let The Rock say this, he thinks you are without a doubt... the
biggest piece of monkey crap he has ever seen."

The crowd like THAT one much more, Rockabilly takes back the mic, still smiling.

Rockabilly: "I know you don't mean that Rock. But I've got something I know
you're going to love. I love your Peoples Elbow move and I think that's pretty
electrifying, but I have something which I believe is truly the most
electrifying move in sports entertainment. And as great as you are, I would be
honoured if you were to ever steal this for yourself. I know you'll love it,
and here it is... SHUFFLEBILLY!!"

The crowd groan vigourously as Rockabilly drops the mic and begins shuffling
away from Armstrong. Doing a little spin at the ropes, he shuffles backwards
again towards The Rock, spinning round when he reaches him, at which point,
Rock grabs hold of him and delivers a huge Rock Bottom to a standing ovation.
Armstrong then position him for the Peoples Elbow, bringing everyone to its
feet. At this point, Helmsley charges back out angrily but Armstrong catches
him as he bounces off the ropes and Rock Bottoms him right next to Rockabilly.
Once again he lines up the Peoples Elbow and this time he delivers it to both
men.

Rising back to his feet, Armstrong basks in the ovation of the crowd, only to
be interrupted again, this time by the music of his opponent for tonight... ALEX
WRIGHT! Perhaps a surprise pick, being as unpopular as he is, but the
announcers confirm rumours that there was a large surge of votes in Germany
yesterday resulting in his being voted. Wright is accompanied by bodyguard Ulf
Herman as always. Officials clean Helmsley and Rockabilly from the ring, as
Armstrong and Wright prepare for this huge match.

"The Rock" Brad Armstrong (c) vs Alex Wright (Intercontinental title)

Alex Wright was the chosen man to face Brad Armstrong due to a campaign in his
native Germany to vote him in, which clearly worked. Still, it was all pretty
fruitless as Brad Armstrong was on fire following the pre-match shennanigans,
and sure enough he spent most of the early stages well and truly slapping the
taste out of Wrights mouth, and almost got a quick Rock Bottom, only for
Wright to slither out and dive out of the ring to regroup with Ulf Herman.

Brad wasn't having any of it and he lept from the ring to follow him and was
quickly giving chase. Quickly the Germans lured him into a trap with Ulf
ducking down behind the apron on one side and blasting Armstrong with a
clothesline as he came past. The referee saw it, and was tempted to call for a
disqualification but Brad was up quickly, and wanted to finish this properly,
so instead the ref threw Herman out from the ringside area, despite the
protests from Wright and Herman.

So from there, it was one on one, but despite being up as quickly as he was,
the shot from Ulf had done enough damage to slow the champion down and Wright
was able to get into the match - not take complete control, but either way, he
was at least on a par with Armstrong now. Indeed, just by getting in there, he
was able to take things to new extremes. By blatantly removing a turnbuckle,
the ref was left to fix it, while Wright removed his leather polo whip that was
tucked into his boot and thwack it across the back of Armstrong several times
before hiding it away again.

Still, Wright was never able to fully put him away. Even when he went for the
Schadenfreude, his name for his release German suplex, Armstrong was cagey
enough to hook his feet on the ropes to block the move and from there, Brad
made an impressive comeback. Hitting him with all the Rocks trademark moves,
the hand-spit-slap type move, the Samoan drop and reverse DDT lead to several
near falls before finally he went for the Rock Bottom. Wright was with it
enough to elbow his way out and go for the Schadenfreude again, but Brad
switched back round behind Wright and shoved him into the ropes. Wright bounced
back off and Armstrong caught him and this time delivered the Rock Bottom.

With Wright FINALLY down, Armstrong lined up the Peoples Elbow, but as he
bounced of the first set of ropes, he saw Hunter Hearst-Helmsley had returned.
Brad was heading straight for Helmsley on the apron and cold cocked the former
champion who was half asleep to begin with. The referee went to get Helmsley
off the apron and out of dodge, while Armstrong again signalled for the Peoples
Elbow, but this time out of nowhere Rockabilly was on the opposite turnbuckles.
Jumping off the top, he smacked Brad over the head with the Intercontinental
title, before sliding out. Wright rolled back over and draped an arm over Brad,
allowing the referee to come back and deliver the three count and in one of the
most shocking outcomes of the night, Alex Wright was the brand new
Intercontinental champion. **** 1/4

Unbelievably, Alex Wright has taken the Intercontinental title. Helmsley and
Rockabilly enter the ring in one corner and celebrate the result, whilst Alex
Wright, now joined again by Ulf Herman celebrate on the other side of the ring.
Armstrong meanwhile staggers to his feet and makes a dive at Helmsley and
Rockabilly who make a very quick escape. Brad grabs the belt and takes a swing
at the German pair who also duck out, and leave, laughing all the back to the
back in celebration. Meanwhile Armstrong is left standing, stunned, still
holding the very belt that he just lost, and the very belt that just cost him
the match.

We go one more time to Sean Mooney and King Kanyon, along with Don Muraco,
sporting his world title and all ready to go, and manager Jeff Hardy.

Kanyon: "Thou has witnessed a classic match worthy of a king, and for thy
first time in DWF history, we have had three successive matches resulting in
three successive title changes. This pleases your royal highness very much, as
this has been truly a regal night of the highest majesty."

Mooney: "Also news on Sean O'Haire, he has been taken to a local medical
facility."

Kanyon: "GODDAMNIT, IT'S NOT A GODDAMN MEDICAL FACILITY, IT'S A GODDAMN
FUCKING HOSPITAL!!!"

Everybody just stares at Kanyon.

Kanyon: "Ummm.. I mean... is thou-est really the case?"

Mooney: "Anyway, I am standing here with the reigning world champion Don Muraco
and Don, it's going to be a busy twenty four hours for you."

Muraco: "Yeah, but it's no big deal. Tonight I face one loser who the people
voted for, tomorrow I face one of three other losers the people voted for. It
really doesn't matter to me. I'm the biggest thing going today, there isn't a
single guy that I haven't plowed through like a machine. Look at what I did to
them all, look at what I did to everybodies hero Jerry Lynn. Where is he now?
Gone, never to return. I'm a walking, talking machine of devastation and it
doesn't matter which of the five candidates I face tonight, it doesn't matter
who I face tomorrow, I will RETIRE as the world champion many years down the
road."

Hardy: "I even wrote a haiku about it.

Muraco the champ
Forever and forever
My hair is heaven."

Everyone glances nervously at one another.

Kanyon: "Well we can now announce who you will be facing as well as which three
men will first take part in a triple threat match with the winner facing thy
world champion tomorrow night."

We go to a double feature as the five title challengers are all lined up
together, somewhat begrudgingly due to some of the rivalries involved, but
Kurt Angle, Billy Kidman, Chris Jericho, Raven and Dynamite Kid are all there.

Kanyon: "I can also confirm that the three men in the triple threat match are
ALL present from these five men, so we can announce the results to all of you
right now. The first man taking part in the triple threat match will be... KURT
ANGLE!"

Angle looks a little disgusted. Sean Mooney, who has left where Muraco and
Kanyon are, approaches Kurt Angle.

Mooney: "Angle, what are your thoughts?"

Angle: "My thoughts? I've been telling the DWF officials for weeks that the
voting should be restricted to those living in the United States. No doubt the
votes of those poor, bigotted, buck-toothed, ugly, stupid, ingrate foreigners
has cost me my chance at facing Muraco tonight. I'm just glad that the good
people of America have managed to claw me in this match and give me at least
half the opportunity I deserve."

Kanyon: "OK, the next man in the triple threat match will be... BILLY KIDMAN!"

Kidman: "Me? Oh that is ridiculous, I'm a two time world champion, and I'm only
on the undercard. Don't worry, I will get my crack team of lawyers and experts
on to this one, we will find the names and addresses of everyone who didn't
vote for me to face Muraco and I will SUE every single one of them."

Kanyon: "And the final man to compete in the triple threat match tonight will
be... RAVEN!"

Muraco looks a little relieved, evidently he has no desire to face Raven
tonight.

Mooney: "Raven, your thoughts?"

Raven: "Unlike the two before me, I don't see this as a defeat, I see this as
another opportunity. It's a second chance, and the chance I seek to once again
face Don Muraco when it most counts. The path that leads to him, I always
expected to be great, and I never desired to be merely voted to face him, I
intend to prove my worth and EARN this title shot, and if Kurt Angle and Billy
Kidman are more concerned with twisting this victory into bitterness at not
having everything handed to them on a silver platter as they yearned, their
game is truly a poor one, and Muraco better be preparing himself for me
tomorrow night."

Kanyon: "My loyal subjects, Raven is the final man in the triple threat match
that consists of him, Kurt Angle and Billy Kidman. One of those subordinates
will face whomever walks out of Clash of thou Champions as the world champion,
but now we must reveal who was voted in to face Don Muraco tonight."

We take a look at now just two men - Dynamite Kid and Chris Jericho.

Muraco: "Let me just say one thing before we choose this - I have defeated BOTH
men in recent weeks, and defeated them easily. What makes either of them think
they have any right to challenge me is beyond me, but it doesn't matter. These
two deadbeats will both be easy fodder for me. Go ahead, announce one of these
fools as my opponent."

Kanyon: "Very well - your opponent for tonight, as voted for by the viewing
public will be, to face Don Muraco for the heavyweight champions of the world,
my loyal subjects... DYNAMITE KID!"

Dynamite gets a good cheer from the crowd. Dynamite meanwhile nods confidently
while Jericho looks a little disappointed, but shakes Dynamites hand anyway
and we can hear him wishing Dynamite luck.

Muraco: "Don't these people learn anything? There was a few guys back there who
I haven't beaten yet, obviously because I just haven't faced them, but they
could have at least tried someone I haven't PROVEN I can beat comprehensively.
Not that I wouldn't have, but I gave the fans more credit that they deserve,
now they've picked the one guy I've spent the last two months beating time and
time again. Pathetic."

Muraco walks out, happy with the outcome by the looks of things, as we head
back to the ring for the triple threat match.

Number one contenders match - Raven vs Billy Kidman vs Kurt Angle

The triple threat match for the number one contendership was an interesting
encounter, in no small part because each man recognised that if the win were to
mean anything, they'd have to conserve some strength for tomorrow night, and
all sides did just that, playing things cautiously. Perhaps Angle being the
most angry at not being voted to face Muraco tonight spurred him on and he got
stuck in there first taking it out on Raven. Raven fought back, only for Kidman
to catch him from behind with a knee and roll him up. Whilst Raven probably
would have kicked out, Angle took no chances and broke it up himself before
dropping an elbow and going for a pin that Kidman broke up - again, he
probably didn't need to.

Kidman and Angle then squared up and engaged in a little shoving match, but
Kidman quickly directed Angles attention to Raven and suggested they double
team him first. That's exactly what they did and for the next several minutes
they worked him over. Raven fought very valiently but every time he tried to
mount a comeback on one man, the other would take him out and it would be back
to square one. Finally Angle locked in the ankle lock on Raven, and Kidman
really was forced to break it up, jumping him from behind.

That really was the straw that broke the camels back, but Kidman had already
got the advantage and began stomping away on Angle, before diving over to cover
Raven. Angle quickly pulled him away and in no time, the two were scrapping it
out. Kidman was on top of things though, and having taken Angle down after a
nice snap suplex, he headed up for the Shooting Star Press. All this had
brought Raven back into the mix and he was up and elected to grab Kidman and
throw him off the top, before clotheslining Angle to the outside.

Raven and Kidman then went at it, with Raven holding an advantage he had no
intention of losing. After throwing him hard into the turnbuckle, Raven lined
up the Evenflow DDT and for the briefest of moments had Kidman in position,
but Angle was back in, and hit the Olympic Slam on Raven, and wouldn't you
credit it, it was enough to get the three count and Kurt Angle will get himself
a title shot tomorrow night. ****

As Angle makes a quick exit, celebrating the win, we go backstage to Don Muraco
and Jeff Hardy. Hardy is taping up Muracos wrists and giving him some last
minutes words of encouragement.

Hardy: "Don, you have nothing to worry about. You beat him easily back at Fall
Brawl. He and two other guys tried to beat you at Canadian Stampede and he
didn't come close then. Just play your normal game and this'll be a cinch."

As Muraco grins confidently and arrogantly, we switch to a much more focused
looking Dynamite Kid, he stands facing and leaning against a wall backstage.
Finally he breaths deeply and heads off with a vigourous determination on his
face as we hit the ring one last time.

Don Muraco (c) vs Dynamite Kid (world heavyweight title)

Less than two months ago, Dynamite Kid had never faced Don Muraco but tonight
he found himself with a third opportunity to take the belt away from the
reigning champion. Unlike the previous encounters however, Dynamite took a
much more cautious approach to this and it was Muraco who came out quickly,
with Dynamite looking more tempted to draw Muraco into a mistake.

That mistake would come when Dynamite almost willed Muraco to whip him into
the corner. Muraco obliged and charged after him, only for Dynamite to use the
turnbuckles to spring back over Muraco, who charged chest first into the
corner, and Dynamite rolled him up for a quick two. Muraco was quickly back
up again, but just by taking Muraco off his feet so early on, even if only by
cradling him for a pinning combination, gained an early moral win for Dynamite.

From there Dynamite continued to play the psychology game, trying to draw
Muraco into making further errors to frustrate him. That only worked in part
as Muraco became more and more agressive, and wound up taking Dynamite off his
feet with a lethal lariat that got a close two in itself. With that, things
were definitely in the control of Muraco as he worked over Dynamite in a
methodical yet ruthless fashion, drilling him with big impact moves designed
to drive the wind out of him.

With Muraco in control, it took one more big chokeslam to really keep Dynamite
down for good. Muraco signalled for the Tombstone piledriver, with things
firmly in control. But before he could get him in position, Dynamite wriggled
out and threw a last ditch clothesline. Muraco was wobbled and Dynamite sensed
a chance. Another clothesline followed, then a third and Muraco finally dropped
to one knee. Dynamite finally headed up top for one last clothesline but it
was one throw of the dive too many - Muraco caught him and spun him round into
position for the Tombstone. Unbeknownst to him, in doing so he caused one of
Dynamites flailing legs to smack the referee right in the side of the head.

Muraco delivered the move anyway, but the ref was clean out, so Muraco had
other ideas to kill the time, and instructed Jeff to get a table from under the
ring. Jeff bought it in and held it up while Muraco tried to unhinge the legs.
While he was doing that, someone came in from the crowd - RHYNO! Muraco heard
him and turned around, receiving just about the biggest Gorce ever that sent
Muraco through the table AND through Jeff Hardy. Hardy was completely wiped
out and Muraco had seemingly been knocked out on one of the steel legs of the
table. Rhyno set to work removing all the big pieces of table, and Jeff Hardy,
from the ring, before dragging Dynamite Kid over on top of Muraco.

With a little revenge for Rhyno truly sweet, he woke up the ref and left him to
crawl over for the count of one... two....... THREE! Dynamite Kid pulled
himself up painfully, and once again he had claimed the heavyweight title of
the world. ****

Incredibly, it seems like it's finally happened and Dynamite Kid has won back
the worlds heavyweight title. Several other wrestlers, including Chris Jericho,
The Syndicate, Bobby Eaton, John Cena, Rey Mysterio and indeed Raven come out
along with Rhyno, to congratulate Dynamite Kid on his triumph. But quickly his
music is cut off as Matt Hardy comes out, Gene Snitsky in tow, with a mic.

Hardy: "Hold on there Dynamite hold on. Now that was impressive, no question,
but I am not impressed at the way you won it. Outside interference, tables, a
groggy ref who probably miscounted, this is not the way these things happen.
Indeed, as you well know, in these sorts of matches, outside interference
results in a disqualification. Since this incompetent referee apparently can't
do his job properly, I'll take it upon myself to do it for him - as a result of
a disqualification, the winner of this bout, and STILL the heavyweight champion
of the world, Don Muraco, I thankyou ladies and gentlemen."

The group of wrestlers, and particularly Dynamite, look shellshocked at this
announcement. Quickly stealing in is Heidenreich, unseen by the wrestlers. He
quickly snatches the belt away from Dynamite and makes a sharp exit from the
ring before anyone can stop him. The belt is quickly returned to an
exhausted Muraco, who carries the unconscious Jeff Hardy along. Matt Hardy
meanwhile stands proudly and cockily at his decision, as the show comes to a
close.
Snabbit888Posted on 12/15/05 at 23:42:10

Sean Mooney rules.  A lot.

Ooh... Cena is so unnecessarily evil!

I'm really surprised that Cena fell all the way to being voted for the TV Title match.  Not surprised that Corino retained though.

Though I still HATE the IC Tag Titles, I do highly enjoy La Resistance and was glad to see them retain.

Though I do love me some La Parka, isn't he like 245 pounds?  What is the cut-off for Cruiserweight division?  And yay to Sean Mooney spoiling the main event!  Good reference there.

Test should do PSAs always.

La Parka wins!  La Parka wins!

After the tag title decision (poor Furnas and LaFon) I have a question for you: how many wrestlers do you have under contract, may I ask?

EDGE AND CHRISTIAN NEW CHAMPS!  And Pillman finally officially snaps and destroys O'Haire!  Very much looking forward to this match.  Great angle, great match.  Very well done.

Needs more Rockabilly.

Boooooooo to the IC Title match.  The only way this is acceptable is if Brad Armstrong is on his way to the World Title scene, as he rules that hard.

Great win for Kurt Angle.  No chance in hell he wins the World Title tomorrow, but great win here.  He's close to taking the final step.

SWERVE!  I was shocked when I read Dynamite had won, because I just can't fathom Muraco losing the gold any time soon.  An unpopular decision, but actually a good call by Matt Hardy.  Scary.
91Posted on 12/17/05 at 00:38:55

Though I do love me some La Parka, isn't he like 245 pounds?

Uhhhh.... uhhhhh.... look, a lion.

In all fairness, I didn't realise this, but if enough other people didn't realise it as well to vote him, I can kind of get away with it.

After the tag title decision (poor Furnas and LaFon) I have a question for you: how many wrestlers do you have under contract, may I ask?

More than even I expected... a quick check shows a massive 70 - some of these are guys like King Kanyon and Coach who are barely even semi-active, about half a dozen flat out jobbers and around half a dozen more who are injured or have been temporarily written out. Still, I'm lining up several cuts down the line because, frankly, I need it.
UnrightPosted on 12/17/05 at 02:16:48

On 12/17/05 at 00:38:55, 91 wrote:Though I do love me some La Parka, isn't he like 245 pounds?

Uhhhh.... uhhhhh.... look, a lion.

In all fairness, I didn't realise this, but if enough other people didn't realise it as well to vote him, I can kind of get away with it.
Just go in the Database editor and slim him down a few pounds.  La Parka's will always be the king of cruiserweights in my mind.

BTW - Digging the "Unnecessarily Evil" John Cena gimmick. Keep up the good work.
91Posted on 12/19/05 at 22:33:44

He's already down at 218. He's certainly light enough to pass for a cruiser.