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WWL Rush: 6/5/05

AllPowerfulGARTHPosted on 09/06/05 at 03:29:57

SE: Welcome to Rush, WWL fans!  We are one week removed from You Only Live Twice, and the shockwaves are still being felt here in the WWL!  I'm Sean Edmunds, alongside Christopher Nowinski.
CN: If you want to talk about shockwaves, Sean, there are certainly shockwaves being felt from Monday Night Action as well!  We saw new WWL Tag Team Champions in the Lords of the Dance, and the night's main event saw the WWL World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho, being pinned by none other than the Big Show!
SE: Plus, we saw some continuation of the issues between Carlito and Shawn Michaels, between Goldust & Rico and the Law Firm, between Juventud Guerrera and his sanity...
CN: Indeed, Sean, and I just so happen to have some EXCLUSIVE information.  I understand that WWL officials are not happy with Juvi over his profanity-laced tirade Monday night, and it could be a while before we see Juvi again!
SE: That's right folks, a Rush exclusive!  Just another reason to watch our modest little B-show.  And SPEAKING of reasons to watch our show, we've got a nice little card lined up for you tonight.
CN: Matt Hardy, coming off a big victory over Steven Richards at You Only Live Twice, will go one-on-one against one-half of Jerichoholics Anonymous, Lenny Lane!
SE: Plus, we'll see the monster Gene Snitsky and the dangerous Muhammad Hassan in action.  And right now, we've got some cruiserweight action set to take place, so let's head down to the ring!


Kid Kash vs. Shannon Moore

Pretty format match, this one (and yet another example of TNM giving my cruiserweights shitty ratings).  Shannon Moore is trying to gain some redemption here after his loss to a team whose members included Ernest "The Cat" Miller at You Only Live Twice -- even if it was L.A. Park who pinned him, that's still a huge indignity.  But beating newcomer Kid Kash will be no easy feat and Shannon has his work cut out for him.  Most of this match is pretty standard cruiserweightery -- Moore and Kash both have pretty competent mat games, but they can both go to the high-rent district when the situation calls for it as well.  Moore starts this one out full of fire, and despite Kid Kash's pre-match overconfidence, he spends a good portion of the match on the proverbial run.  But Kash is crafty, and after a couple of minutes of getting pounded and waiting for his opportunity, he finds one.  Moore goes up top, but Kash has him scouted and he shoves Moore off the top to the outside (looks painful).  Kash then controls Moore for a little bit, but Moore has a lot of fight in his 175-pound frame, and eventually he manages to mount a comeback.  Moore gets a couple of near-falls.  After Kash goes out to the apron, Moore tries to bring him back in, and Kash drops him across the top rope.  Kash springboards off the top and nails Moore with a springboard dropkick as he turns around.  Moore's been knocked for a loop, and Kash hauls him up for the Money in the Bank, then covers to get the duke.

Kid Kash pinned Shannon Moore with the Money In The Bank in 0:08:44.
Rating: ** 1/4


Lenny Lane vs. Matt Hardy

Lenny Lane is working hard here tonight to try and obtain something no member of Jerichoholics Anonymous has yet been able to obtain -- a victory.  Lenny tends to put on a better performance than does Disco Inferno, so he's a little more likely to get that win first, but will it be against Matt Hardy tonight?  Lenny manages to go move-for-move with Matt at the outset, to his credit, but Matt's in-ring ability proves a bit superior to Lenny's, and he gets the first advantage.  Matt beats Lenny down for a couple of minutes with standard offense, and after a couple of decent shots, Matt nearly gets Lenny down for the three-count following a gutwrench suplex.  After that, Matt goes to the second rope, but when he comes off for a legdrop, Lenny rolls out of the way.  Seeing his opportunity, Lenny goes on the offensive.  He garners a near-fall with a swinging neckbreaker, then another with a facebuster.  Lenny says this one's over, then tries to apply the Walls of Jericho, but he's not exactly as good with it as his boss is, and Matt kicks him away.  Lenny charges at Matt with a clothesline, but Matt blocks it and hits the Side Effect.  Matt gives us a "VEEEE-ONE-AHHHHH!" and sets Lenny up for the Twist of Fate, but Steven Richards is in out of nowhere and he attacks Matt, drawing a DQ.

Matt Hardy defeated Lenny Lane by disqualification in 0:07:10.
Rating: ** 1/4

Matt's been caught off-guard, giving Steven the chance to dominate him for a minute, then drop him with a Steviekick.  Richards yells incoherent epithets at Matt for a little while before being dragged away by officials.  Whatever issue Richards has with Matt Hardy, it's not over yet.


Coming back from commercial, we have some backstagery.

F: This Funaki, WWL NUMBAH ONE announcer.  I here with Steven Richards.  Steven, why you attack Matt Hardy Veeeeeee-One-ah?
SR (unusually subdued): Because Matt Hardy has made a huge mistake by messing with me.  He may have come out on the winning end at You Only Live Twice, but when this thing is all over, he will be ruled unequivocally to be the loser.  What I am planning to do to Matt Hardy will be a true display of brutality, Funaki, and you can bank on that.

Richards shakes his head rapidly and hits himself in the side of the head.

SR: Get out!  GET OUT OF MY HEAD!  I won't let you take advantage of me!  I can beat Matt Hardy on my own!  Do you hear me?
F: Steven...you all right?
SR: IIIIIIII'm just DANDY, my fine Japanese friend!  You want to know why I attacked Mr. Matt VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-ONE-AH  Hardy?  I attacked Matt Hardy because his mother was a beagle and his father smelled of elderberries.  I, on the other hand...I am the walrus!  And Matt Hardy will rue the day he ruined my dinner party!  RUE THE DAY, I say!  Now, if you'll excuse me, my grandmother is on fire.

Richards runs off.  Funaki looks confused.  Probably just as confused as everyone watching.


"It wasn't my fault!"  Here comes Gene Snitsky out to the ring, mic in hand.  He's here to take on unsigned worker Brian Backstreet, but it looks like he's got something to say.

GS: Before we start this match...I would like to present you with a token of my appreciation for being my opponent tonight.  And that appreciation will come in the form of...a joke.

Backstreet is confused as Snitsky continues.

GS: What's the difference...between a Ferrari...and a pile...of dead babies?

Backstreet is all, "WHA?"

GS: ...There's no Ferrari...heh heh...in my garage!

Backstreet just stands there disgusted.  Here comes the Snitsky rage aaaaand...POW he crushes Backstreet with a hellacious clothesline.

Gene Snitsky vs. Brian Backstreet (unsigned)

Snitsky stomps the ever-living crap out of Backstreet as he attempts to cover up.  Snitsky sends Backstreet off the ropes and nails him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.  Snitsky chokes Backstreet on the canvas, then hauls him up, picks him up over his head, and drops him with a Gorilla Press.  Backstreet is on Dream Street.  Snitsky brings him to his feet, whips him off the ropes again, and delivers a big boot.  Snitsky picks him up again and connects with the Pump-Handle Slam to get the win.

Gene Snitsky pinned Brian Backstreet with the Pump-Handle Slam in 0:00:51.
Rating: 1/4 *

Snitsky grabs a mic and stands over the crushed Backstreet.

GS: When people don't laugh at my jokes...that makes me ANGRY!  And since YOU made me angry, that...WASN'T...MY...FAULT!

Snitsky storms off.


LAYLEAHHHHHHLAYLEAHLAYLEAHLAYLEAHHHHHH...Here comes Muhammad Hassan, mic in hand.  He has Khosrow Daivari with him.  The crowd is chanting "U-S-A!  U-S-A!"  Hassan is displeased.

MH: I have had ENOUGH of that chant!  Will you people just SHUT UP??!  Why on EARTH would you chant "U-S-A" at an AMERICAN?  I may be an Arab-American, but that still makes me every bit as American as every one of you!  I stand before you today the victim of a monstrous injustice!  Last week, I SHOULD have won the WWL Intercontinental Title from Rhyno, but I was DENIED!  Denied by Paul Heyman, who made sure the match stipulations favored my opponent!  Denied by Rhyno, who only knows how to fight with weapons!  And denied by a fat, violent, worthless, beer-swilling, chain-smoking slob in the Sandman!  Yes, the Sandman - you people like him, don't you?  Because he reminds you of yourselves!  I mean, all he has to do is add "lazy" to his resume and he'd fit the description of an average American to a T!  Well the Sandman will get his, and Rhyno will get his, and I will get what should already be mine - the Intercontinental Title!  Now, since Rhyno is going to go around making open challenges, I will make an open challenge of my own.  If there is ANYONE in the back who thinks they can keep up with the great Muhammad Hassan, let him come out here now and see how very, very WRONG he is!

A brief pause, and then..."Gettin' bowdy bowdy and ROWDY ROWDY!"  Cue "Tequila Sunrise" by Cypress Hill as who should make his way out but KONNAN!  Hassan has a look of "What in the HELL?" as Konnan heads down to the ring, pandering to the crowd as much as he can on the way.  It's worth pointing out that if you remember why I hired Chris Masters for this league, you can probably figure out why I hired Konnan.  Just saying.

Muhammad Hassan vs. Konnan

Well, Konnan gets a decent surprise pop, but...suffice it to say, he may be a face, but he doesn't exactly get the crowd behind him the way he used to.  Still, Konnan and Hassan manage to have a respectable match, with the both of them getting in their signature spots.  Hassan relies on the occasional resthold, while Konnan wastes a lot of time playing to the crowd (a fact that only seems to decrease the cheers for him).  Hassan goes for a cobra clutch, but Konnan quickly fights out before Hassan can really get it locked in.  Hassan stumbles back to the ropes and Konnan charges and clotheslines him out.  Konnan goes out to heap on some more punishment, slamming Hassan's face into the announce table and felling him with a clothesline.  Konnan panders to the crowd some more.  The crowd goes mild.  Konnan takes off his shoe and indicates that he's going to throw it at Hassan, but Khosrow Daivari starts yelling at Konnan, so Konnan beans him with the shoe instead.  Hassan gets back up and nails Konnan, then throws him in the ring and follows.

Hassan dominates Konnan with stomps, chokes and the like for a little while.  Konnan starts fighting back soon enough.  Hassan ducks a clothesline and goes for his modified STO, but Konnan fights out with elbows.  Konnan comes off the ropes, dodges a clothesline, then hits his rolling clothesline.  Hassan's knocked for a loop.  Hassan gets up, eats a kick to the midsection and is nailed with a DDT.  Konnan's in control of this one.  Konnan plays to the crowd again (FRIGGIN' STOP IT!), then starts to take off his other shoe.  But he's a dumb-ass and takes too long, giving Hassan a chance to come from behind and slam him into the turnbuckle.  Hassan nails the modified STO, then transitions into the Camel Clutch.  Konnan tries to fight it, but there's no escape for him, and soon enough he has to give up.  Not the best debut for K-Dogg.

Muhammad Hassan made Konnan submit to the Camel Clutch in 0:08:03.
Rating: ** ¾

CN: An inauspicious debut for Konnan, but a debut nonetheless!
SE: K-Dogg may have bitten off a little more than he could chew in Muhammad Hassan, but one thing's for sure - Hassan still has his sights set on Rhyno and the Intercontinental Title!  We're sure to see more of that tomorrow night on Monday Night Action!
CN: Plus, the fallout from last week's big six-man tag!
SE: And we already know of at least one match - a rematch between Shawn Michaels and Carlito!  You don't want to miss Monday Night Action, folks!  For Christopher Nowinski, I'm Sean Edmunds!  Good night!
teddy1221Posted on 09/07/05 at 00:38:30

All I can say is this Steven Richards insanity angle is pure gold!  And what a way to get him over.