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WWL Monday Night Action: 5/23/05
| AllPowerfulGARTH | Posted on 08/01/05 at 02:25:27 Video. Package. Yes. Immediately after the video package ends, we go straight to Paul Heyman's office, with the shot focused on Paul. PH: Gentlemen. Do you know why I called the two of you in here? The camera zooms out to show Chris Jericho on Heyman's right and Diamond Dallas Page on his left. CJ: No. In fact, you specifically said that we'd find out when we got here. PH: Indeed I did. As you, of course, know, the two of you will be in the main event of You Only Live Twice, wrestling for the WWL World Heavyweight Title. And I've recently come up with a way to make things a little more interesting going into that match. I call it "Pick Your Poison." CJ: Awesome! I say Diamond Dennis goes first, and I choose hemlock. PH: Chris, I am certain that you realize the poison in this situation is figurative. CJ: Figurative? I've never heard of that kind of poison, but I still say Diamond Dennis goes first. DDP: No, you idiot, he means...well, what DO you mean? PH: It's quite simple. Each of you will have a match tonight, and each man's opponent will be a superstar of the other's choosing. Chris, you get to pick DDP's opponent, and DDP, you get to pick Chris's opponent. CJ: I pick a fully-grown Kodiak bear. And Diamond Dennis goes first. PH: I'm just going to let the two of you think that over for a while. I advise you to take this seriously, Chris, because I know that DDP is taking it seriously, and through the "Pick Your Poison" match, he has the power to make things quite uncomfortable for you. CJ: All right, I'll take it seriously if Diamond Dennis has to go first. PH: Fine. DDP, your match will come before Chris's. CJ: In your face! DDP: I've got no problem with that. And I've got some pretty good ideas for your opponent, Jericho. In fact, if I have my way, tonight's going to be awfully unpleasant for you. Adios, Y2J. DDP leaves. Jericho remains. PH: You can go now, Chris. CJ: What about a panda? PH: GO. It's now time for the fourth and final first-round match of the Tag Team Title Tournament. And the first team is...well, here comes Lamont, so this one isn't exactly a mystery. L: Ladies and gentlemen! Ladies and gentlemen! It is my distinct pleasure to present to you the two GREATEST entertainers in the WWL today and your future WWL Tag Team Champions - L.A. Park and Ernest "The Cat" Miller, the Lords of the Dance! "Funky's on a roll...funky's on a roll..." Park and Miller, or the "Lords of the Dance" as I guess they're now called (whose idea was THAT?) dance their way down to the ring. GB: Welcome to Monday Night Action, ladies and gentlemen! We are just six days away from You Only Live Twice, and the heat just keeps on rising! I'm Garth Bishop, alongside the Honky Tonk Man, and we're getting ready to kick off what should certainly be an exciting night! HTM: There's a lot of promise on tonight's card, I'll tell you that! A Tag Team Title Tournament match, JBL vs. the Big Show, and as Paul Heyman just announced, two "Pick Your Poison" matches for Diamond Dallas Page and the WWL World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho! GB: That should certainly make for some interesting developments in that feud. And believe it or not, that's not all! We've also got a six-man tag team match scheduled for later as Carlito and the Law Firm of Mason, Martin & Bloom battle Shawn Michaels and the Dudley Boyz! HTM: It's going to be a hell of a night, that's for darn sure! And this is a hell of a dance performance going on in the ring. Is there going to be an actual match at some point here? GB: Theoretically, yes. We still have one more team entered in the Tag Team Title Tournament, but we don't know who they are, so it's anybody's guess how much longer they'll tolerate all this dancing. HTM: What, you don't like the dancing? I admit, I'm not a big fan of the whole "greatest entertainers" line, but you've got to admit that these guys have got some serious moves! GB: Serious moves? It's funny that you should say that, because I don't think the Cat has executed a serious WRESTLING move in his entire WWL career! HTM: Hey - the man has STYLE! Something I know a thing or two about, and, judging from your appearance, something YOU don't know jack about! GB: My style is currently under development, I'll have you know. Changing the subject...just who the hell are the opponent for the Lords of the Dance? Surely SOMEone has to come along and spare us the pain of this— ALAYLEAAAHHHHHHH...Here's team #2 now -- Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari! Now the crowd just doesn't know HOW to react. They're pleased that they don't have to watch any more dancing, but no one is going to be cheering for Hassan & Daivari either. Hassan has a mic as he enters the ring. He starts to say something, but he can't even get it out on the first couple of tries. Finally, he speaks. MH: Just WHAT in the name of Allah is THIS? I just...I just don't even know what to say! When I was told that Daivari and I were going to be part of the Tag Team Title Tournament, I assumed that our opponents were going to be WRESTLERS...not you pathetic jokes of human beings! Lamont, panicking, jumps on the Cat's back and covers his ears so he does not have to hear these insults. Park just sort of stands there confused. MH: And furthermore...um...ah, it's just not worth it. Hassan attacks the Cat, sending Lamont tumbling off his back and out of the ring. Park and Daivari start mixing it up and the match is on. Tag Team Title Tournament, first round: The Lords of the Dance vs. Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari The match...well...it's interesting. Hassan & Daivari are pretty universally hated, as are the Lords of the Dance. Looking to root against Hassan & Daivari (I guess), the crowd starts chanting "U-S-A," but that offends Park just as much, as he's the only non-American in this match. Hassan & Daivari work over Park for a little while, but he manages to re-assert control after countering a Daivari huracanrana attempt with a powerbomb. Once Park has Daivari pretty well dominated, he starts making occasional tags to the Cat, but the Cat will only get in a shot or two before tagging back out. Park doesn't seem to mind, because he knows if the Cat is left in there too long, he'll almost certainly lose the match. But the quick switches allow the Lords of the Dance to keep Daivari on the proverbial ropes for much of the match. But eventually, Daivari manages to connect with a leaping neckbreaker on Park and make the hot tag (if you want to call it that in this situation) to Hassan. Hassan is in and beating the hell out of Park. Park isn't even able to fight back, and the Cat...well...he's pretty much useless. As Hassan sets up Park for his modified STO, Park elbows out and staggers back into the ropes...right into the Cat, who tags himself in. The Cat comes in after Hassan and immediately gets his ass kicked. Shocking! The Cat gets beaten up for a little while. Hassan takes him down with a big clothesline and stands over him. Hassan gives him the throat cut gesture and goes for the Camel Clutch, but Park is back in and he nails Hassan. Daivari comes in after Park and the two of them tumble to the outside. Hassan and Miller are starting to get back to their feet when Rhyno runs down to the ring. Rhyno enters, steadies himself, and charges in with a GORE! GORE! GORE! to...the Cat? What the hell? Rhyno Gores Miller right out of his boots and rolls out of the ring. The referee calls for the bell -- Hassan and Daivari have just been disqualified! (Tag Team Title Tournament): The Lords of the Dance (Ernest Miller and L.A. Park) defeated Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari when E. Miller defeated M. Hassan by disqualification in 0:09:17. Rating: * ½ Rhyno departs up the entrance ramp, very pleased at what he's done, as Hassan seethes with rage inside the ring. Lamont and Park help the Cat up to his feet and try to celebrate their victory, but Miller has absolutely no idea what's going on after that Gore, so they settle for carrying his half-conscious ass to the back. Coming back from commercial, Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari are in Paul Heyman's office. They are unhappy. MH: This is a JOKE and a TRAVESTY! There is absolutely NO reason why I should have been disqualified! Rhyno CLEARLY only attacked the Cat to get ME disqualified, and that is an INJUSTICE! PH: I'm sorry, Muhammad, but all referee decisions are final. KD: (shouts something incomprehensible in Farsi) MH: Well, I can't say I'm surprised that you're not going to do anything about it. You sit here in your seat of inscrutable power, content in ruling on high but unwilling to lift a FINGER to ease the plight of those beneath you. Just like any American politician. You may have a prominent role, but through it all, you are just as LAZY, INCOMPETENT and DECEITFUL as this country's president! Heyman stands up from his desk. PH: Okay, I've had just about ENOUGH of you! Now, is there something you want, or are you just going to stand there and insult me? Because I have better things to do than sit here and listen to you whine and complain about how unfair America is to you! KD: (shouts something incomprehensible in Farsi) MH: Easy, Khosrow. Yes, Paul, there just so happens to be something I want, and if you intend to do anything to prove that you're not a pathetic, lazy American, you'll give it to me. I want a shot at the Intercontinental Title and at that idiot Rhyno. PH: All right, Muhammad. You got it. MH: Heh. Maybe you're not as bad as I— PH: ...Because just before YOU came storming in here, I talked to Rhyno, and he asked me to make the match for You Only Live Twice. And since it seems like every time the two of you are in the same place, somebody gets disqualified, I'm making it a no-disqualification match. MH: Sounds like a good idea to me. PH: Now, you've got your match. I advise you to leave my office now before one of us does something we regret. MH: I'll go. But I won't forget this. Hassan and Daivari leave as Heyman looks after them, perturbed. Juventud Guerrera vs. Funaki Juventud Guerrera continues his quest to get one up on Ultimo Dragon, but this week, he's using a slightly different approach (since his attempts to take on Dragon face-to-face tend to go awry). Instead of going after Dragon directly, Juvi is going after Dragon's friend, Funaki. Throughout the match, Juvi hammers on Funaki's head, knowing it was injured a short while back during a match with Ultimo Dragon. He even gives Funaki a stiff kick to the head or two when he has the chance. But Funaki is resilient, and though he's on the receiving end for the majority of the match, he finally does manage a comeback. When Juvi goes for the Juice Spill, Funaki elbows out. Juvi goes for a clothesline, but Funaki ducks it, grabs Juvi from behind and gives him a reverse DDT. Once both men get back to their feet, Funaki is finally in control. Funaki gets some near-falls on Juvi, but Juvi is also resilient. Funaki manages to get Juvi in position for the Tornado DDT, but Juvi shoves him off. Funaki charges in and Juvi sidesteps, grabbing Funaki by the hair and chucking him face-first into the ring post in the process. Ow. Funaki is out on his feet and Juvi delivers the Juvi Driver to get the win. Juventud Guerrera pinned Funaki with the Juvy Driver in 0:09:42. Rating: ** 1/4 The Juice has won the match, but he isn't done. He lays into Funaki with stomps as the timekeeper rings the bell over and over (right, like that ever works). Juvi then grabs Funaki and applies a Dragon Sleeper. This is obviously a ploy to draw out Ultimo Dragon, and it works, as the Dragon comes running down to save his friend. As soon as Dragon gets to the ring, Juvi releases Funaki and goes after Dragon. Finally, Juvi seems to have gotten an advantage on the Dragon, as he pummels him and hits the Juice Spill. Juvi drags Dragon to the center of the ring and signals for the Juice's Elbow. Juvi bounces off the ropes, but as he's about to deliver the Elbow, Dragon sweeps his feet out from under him. Dragon is back on the offensive, hammering Juvi and clotheslining him out of the ring. Juvi is infuriated -- once again, Ultimo Dragon has gotten the best of him! Coming back from commercial, Juventud Guerrera is backstage a-ranting and a-raving. And breaking stuff. JG: GODDAMN RIDICULOUS THAT'S WHAT THIS IS THE JUICE HAS NEVER BEEN SO DISRESPECTED STUPID PUNK ASS ULTIMO DRAGON THINKS HE'S ALL BIG AND BAD BUT HE'S REALLY JUST A STUPID JERKOFF THE JUICE IS GOING TO TEACH HIM A LESSON AT YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE LAY THE SMACK DOWN ON HIS MONKEY ASS SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW CAN'T BELIEVE THIS CRAP AAAAAAARGH! Juvi is tackled by multiple officials before he can cause any more damage. A quick promo for the match between Wrestling Royalty and Big Show & Kane for You Only Live Twice plays, and then it's time for... John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Big Show Right off the bat, JBL looks like he really doesn't want to be part of this matchup. But, though he may be cowardly, JBL is no pushover, and the last time he and Big Show went one-on-one, it was a pretty close match, so this one will likely be the same. Oh, and Jeff Jarrett is at ringside with JBL. No surprise there. Big Show starts this one out with a display of power, throwing the near-300-pound JBL around the ring like a rag doll. JBL bails out to get his bearings, and when he thinks he has said bearings, he re-enters the ring, but it's more of the same. After being embarrassed by Big Show for a minute or two, JBL finally manages to even things out a bit with some clubbing blows. He even gets the advantage after a Greco-Roman eye poke. JBL hammers Big Show in the corner, and when the referee orders a clean break, JBL obeys...then kicks Big Show in the knee. JBL tries to focus on Big Show's knee, but Big Show shoves him away and nails him with a clothesline coming out of the corner. Big Show gets a few more shots in on JBL before JBL kicks him in the knee again. JBL then nails Big Show with a couple of big shoulderblocks, sending the 500-pounder tumbling out of the ring. As Big Show gets to his feet, JBL distracts the ref while Jarrett nails Big Show from behind. Jarrett spends too much time stomping Big Show, though, and the ref catches him and ejects him from ringside! JBL is unhappy about this development, but he wises up quickly and realizes he needs to stay on Big Show, so he goes to the outside to continue the assault as we go to commercial. Coming back from commercial (you know, I really ought to be more consistent about whether I point out commercials), JBL is still in control, because he is a devious, devious heel. Luckily, this time he isn't working the knee, because that would get kinda dull (and it's the strategy that pretty much everyone not named Chris Masters employs against Big Show). JBL has elected instead to keep Big Show cornered as best he can, using shoulderblocks and stomps in the turnbuckle. Big Show eventually fights out of the corner and mounts a little offense, but JBL quickly stems the tide back in his favor, countering an attempted backdrop with a DDT. JBL covers, but only gets two. HEEL RAGE! He thought he had it won. But we all know he didn't. JBL remains in control, keeping Big Show on the mat with elbowdrops chokes, followed by the CHINLOCK OF SUPREME EXCITEMENT~! Big Show fights out of the chinlock with a few elbows, then finishes breaking the hold with a big back suplex, putting both men down. Both men get back to their feet and JBL immediately goes after Big Show, but oh snap -- Big Show isn't even feeling it. Big Show drops JBL with a headbutt, then delivers some open-hand slaps. Big Show slams JBL and hits a legdrop for two. A big boot by Show gets another two. JBL fights out with another eye poke and goes for the Clothesline From Hell, but Big Show ducks it, grabs JBL from behind, and delivers the Hogglogg. Big Show covers, but amazingly, JBL kicks out at two and three-quarters. Big Show picks up JBL over his head (an impressive feat, no doubt!) and drops him, but the cover only gets two once again. JBL may be a coward and a prick, but he is one tough bastard. Big Show gives the sign for the Showstopper, which is Jeff Jarrett's cue to run down to the ring. The ref immediately intercepts him, being as he got ejected from ringside earlier. But that's just a ploy, because over on the other side of the ring, WHAM! JBL kicks Big Show in the sac. Show topples like a tree. JBL covers and the ref is over for the count, but Show kicks out! JBL once again can't believe it. JBL argues with the ref over the count as Jarrett slyly reaches under the ring and pulls out a guitar. But before he can even pick it up, Kane runs down the entrance ramp! Jarrett flees and Kane chases him around the ring. JBL pokes his head out and tells Kane to piss off, so Kane goozles him. The referee tries to break Kane's grip as the Big Show gets back to his feet inside the ring. Big Show is waiting for JBL to turn around, but Jarrett has evaded Kane, and he's in the ring with the guitar. The ref separates Kane and JBL, and as he admonishes Kane, Jarrett Kabongs the hell out of Big Show. A fraction of a second later, JBL nails Big Show with a big boot and the seven-footer is down! Jarrett exits the ring as JBL goes down for the cover and gets the three. John Bradshaw Layfield pinned The Big Show after a kick to the head in 0:14:19. Rating: ** ¾ Post-match, Kane is in to go after Wrestling Royalty, but they aren't stupid -- they flee posthaste. A big victory for JBL going into You Only Live Twice. It might have been bigger if TNM hadn't insisted on ending the match with the big boot like 10 consecutive times...rrrrrrr. Backstage... SE: Sean Edmunds here, folks, and I've got with me the man who will meet Carlito Caribbean Cool at You Only Live Twice - the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels. Now Shawn, that match is six days away, but tonight, you'll be part of a six-man tag team match against Carlito and the Law Firm of Mason, Martin & Bloom. Do you think you've found a way to prevent Carlito from getting an unfair advantage? SM: Well lemme tell ya somethin', Sean. Last week, I told everyone that if Carlito crossed my path, it would be ugly. And at the end of the main event, things WERE ugly - I was busted open and getting beaten down by three guys. The same three guys who've been beating me down for the past month. But as I was sitting in the back afterward, getting my forehead stitched up, I had an idea. Every time Carlito gets the best of the Heartbreak Kid, it's because he has those damn lawyers with him. Well...what if ol' HBK had someone to back HIM up? I started thinking about You Only Live Twice, how I'll finally get my chance to get my hands on Carlito there, and I realized - doesn't the Law Firm have a match at You Only Live Twice, too? So, one thing led to another, and lo and behold, HBK's got himself some backup - Bubba Ray and D-Von, the Dudley Boyz! The camera pans over to show the Dudley Boyz standing next to Shawn. SM: Now, the sides are even. And if Carlito tries any shenanigans tonight with the Law Firm, well then...what're we gonna do, fellas? BRD & DD (simultaneously): GET THE TABLES! SM: And Sean? THAT'S cool. Carlito Caribbean Cool & The Law Firm of Mason, Martin & Bloom vs. Shawn Michaels & The Dudley Boyz The match starts off with a bang as the Dudley Boyz and Shawn quickly hammer Carlito and the Law Firm and send them out of the ring. Carlito and the Law Firm regroup on the outside, embarrassed about being so quickly ousted. Eventually, Andrew Martin gets into the ring to mix it up with Bubba Ray Dudley and officially start the match. The Dudleyz and Shawn manage to show pretty good teamwork as they work over Martin and Bloom for awhile. Carlito doesn't even tag into the match for the first few minutes -- he doesn't want any part of Shawn or the Dudley Boyz. Unless that part happens to be an injured part. While Bubba Ray Dudley and Andrew Martin are legal, Martin goads D-Von and Shawn into distracting the ref while Bloom comes in and crushes Bubba with a clothesline to the back of the head. From there on out, the Law Firm takes control. Carlito is willing to tag into the match every so often to work over Bubba Ray, but he never stays in for long, preferring instead to let the Law Firm beat the hell out of Bubba. Which is what they do for most of the match. But, eventually Bubba manages to squirm out of an attempted Settlement (Train Wreck) from Bloom and deliver the Bubba Bomb to put both men down. Bloom tags in Carlito, who dives to stop Bubba from making the tag -- but not in time. Shawn Michaels gets the tag and Carlito tries to weasel out, but Shawn catches him. Shawn unloads on Carlito with right hands, then whips him to the ropes for a backdrop. Carlito has been knocked for a loop, but Shawn will not let up. Shawn hits an inverted atomic drop, then a clothesline. Andrew Martin tries to enter the ring, but Shawn quickly nails him and he tumbles to the floor. Carlito staggers back to his feet and Shawn picks up him and drops him with a bodyslam. Shawn climbs to the top rope, but before he can come off with a flying elbowdrop, Bloom grabs his leg. Shawn kicks Bloom off and, fed up, he stomps to his corner and tags out to D-Von. Shawn then charges and vaults over the top rope onto the Law Firm. D-Von is in and he walks over to Carlito, who manages to grab him by the tights and send him face-first into the turnbuckle. Carlito rolls D-Von over into a pinning combination and grabs a handful of tights, but Bubba Ray is in and he breaks the pin. Bubba fires off on Carlito. Meanwhile, outside the ring, Shawn is back up and starts to get back in the ring, but Clarence Mason distracts him. Shawn makes to go after Mason, but Bloom hits him from behind and he goes face-first into the ring steps. Inside the ring, the Dudleyz have Carlito set up for the 3-D, but Martin is in and as D-Von lifts up Carlito, Martin nails Bubba with a big boot to the back of the head. D-Von still has Carlito, so he nails him with a flapjack, then attacks Martin. D-Von chucks Martin out of the ring. Carlito gets back up and charges D-Von, but D-Von moves and Carlito hits the turnbuckle. D-Von rolls Carlito up, but Mason distracts the ref and Bloom nails D-Von with a knee to the face. Carlito rolls up D-Von, puts his feet on the ropes and gets the three. The Law Firm of Mason, Martin & Bloom (Andrew Martin and Matthew Bloom) and Carlito Caribbean Cool defeated The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray Dudley and D-Von Dudley) and Shawn Michaels when Carlito pinned D-Von after a kneelift in 0:09:13. Rating: ** ¾ Post-match, Martin and Bloom enter and start stomping D-Von. Clarence Mason tosses Carlito an apple, and he spits a mouthful of it onto D-Von as the Law Firm holds him in place. Shawn Michaels gets back up and re-enters the ring, but Carlito and the Law Firm escape. Lamont and the Lords of the Dance are backstage. L: I knew y'all could do it! I knew it! The Lords of the Dance are just two matches away from the WWL Tag Team Titles, baby! Can't nobody beat the Lords of the Dance! Y'all are just too amazing! There's only one thing that could make this night any better! LP: ... L: No, no...if the Cat were conscious enough to enjoy it. LP: ... L: Cat! Cat! You won the match, Cat! You're in the semifinals of the tournament, Cat! The camera pans over to show the Cat propped up against the wall with a dazed look in his eyes. EM: Huh...wha? L: You got Gored by Rhyno, but the Lords of the Dance are in the semifinals! You did it, Cat! You and L.A. Park did it! EM: Did...did whatzat? LP: ... L: No, no, Park, let it come to him. EM: I'm...I'm the...the greatest? L: You're the greatest! EM: I'm the...nnngh. The Cat slumps back against the wall. Lamont goes back to trying to revive him, but all of a sudden, here are Scotty 2-Hotty and Shannon Moore. S2H: Hey, quite a celebration. I'm a little disappointed you guys didn't invite me. L.A. Park stands up and menaces Scotty and Shannon, but they don't come any closer. S2H: Don't worry, we're not going to take a cheap shot at you. Not while your partner is still busy unscrambling his brain. SM: Not that it wasn't already fairly scrambled to begin with. L: You hold your tongue! The Cat is THE greatest entertainer in alllll the world of wrestling, and— S2H: Skip it. We're just here to tell you guys to enjoy your victory for now, because on Sunday at You Only Live Twice, you've got a semifinal match against us. SM: And that means that in six days, you won't be celebrating any more. S2H: That's right. Well, we'll see you fellas around the bend... Scotty and Shannon leave. Park and Lamont aren't sure how to react. EM: Somebody call my momma! L: Cat! You're awake! EM: I'm wha? "Yo! It's me! It's D-D-P!" Diamond Dallas Page is out for his "Pick Your Poison" match. While he waits for his opponent, here's a promo for You Only Live Twice! Enjoy thoroughly. We come back to see DDP in the ring waiting. His entrance music fades out and...pause for emphasis...pause for emphasis... "So why don't you choke on that, slapnuts?" Chris Jericho has made a good choice here tonight - he's picked out Jeff Jarrett as DDP's opponent. Jarrett is a calculating competitor, and Jericho knows that he can weaken DDP right where it counts for their match at You Only Live Twice. Jarrett has JBL with him on the way to the ring, but given how JBL's match earlier tonight turned out, he tells JBL to fuck off right away to make it one-on-one. "Pick Your Poison" match: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Jeff Jarrett GB: THIS is your Monday Nitro main event! HTM: Huh? GB: It's a new day for WCW, Brain! HTM: What's wrong with you? GB: This is the greatest matchup in the history of sports entertainment! HTM: I'm going to just ignore you, and let this run its course. We do some technical wrestling to start. Neither Jarrett nor DDP has a very high-impact style, but both are cagey veterans and are going to take this one slow. Yes, I know you're just filled with excitement. Though these two are by no means bad wrestlers, this one doesn't really get off the ground for awhile. The chain wrestling is kind of cool, but it doesn't do a lot to excite the eyes. Finally, interest is incited; Jarrett and DDP have just gotten done fighting outside the ring, and DDP chucks Jarrett in under the bottom rope. As DDP gets up on the apron to re-enter the ring himself, Jarrett gets back up and hits him with a back elbow that sends DDP off the apron and into the guard rail. DDP is clutching his ribs after that one, and Jarrett now has a point of attack. Jarrett focuses on DDP's ribs with stomps and kneedrops, then culminates the rib work with a bow-and-arrow submission. DDP is in pain, but he won't give up, and finally, he manages to make it to the ropes. But the damage is done, and Jarrett goes right back to work on the ribs. As he tries to apply the bow-and-arrow again, DDP quickly rolls over into a cover, which gets two. Both men get back up. Jarrett blocks a DDP kick, spins him around, and eats clothesline to put both men down. Both men now back up and a slugfest ensues. DDP wins that and sends Jarrett off the ropes for a backdrop. DDP gives Jarrett a bodyslam, drops an elbow, and covers for two. DDP picks Jarrett up and hits a back suplex for another two. DDP whips Jarrett to the turnbuckle and charges in with a clothesline. He then whips Jarrett to the other turnbuckle, but as he charges in for another clothesline, Jarrett catches him with a knee to the ribs to break his momentum. Jarrett delivers a double underhook suplex and covers for two. Jarrett tries to apply a figure-four, but DDP kicks him off into the turnbuckle. DDP gets back up and sets up Jarrett for the Diamond Cutter coming out of the turnbuckle, but Jarrett breaks DDP's grip and gets him in a waistlock. DDP counters with a go-behind into a waistlock of his own, which Jarrett elbows his way out of. Jarrett misses a back elbow and DDP catches his arm, gives him an arm-wrench, and goes for a short clothesline. Jarrett ducks the clothesline, but DDP still has his arm, and he jerks Jarrett around, kicks him in the midsection and hits a DDT. That was a cool-looking sequence of moves. DDP is back up and he gives the sign for the Diamond Cutter. But, lo and behold! Here comes JBL. The crowd boos. They are not exactly shocked. The referee intercepts JBL before he can get involved, but it's all just a ploy, as Chris Jericho jumps out of the crowd and hits the ring. Jericho charges at DDP and goes for a spinning heel kick, but DDP ducks and Jericho nails Jarrett instead! DDP grabs Jericho by the hair and launches him over the top. Jarrett gets back up, nails DDP from behind, and goes for the Stroke, but DDP stops it by grabbing the rope, hits Jarrett with a knee to the gut, and twists around to hook Jarrett in a small package. The ref is done yelling at JBL, and he turns around to count the three. ("Pick Your Poison" Match): Diamond Dallas Page pinned Jeff Jarrett after a small package in 0:10:24. Rating: ** JBL enters the ring to go after DDP, but he rolls out, still clutching his ribs. Jericho retreats through the crowd rather than face the wrath of DDP (and for that matter, Wrestling Royalty, who are apt to blame him for Jarrett's loss). Maria the Mic Stand has Kane backstage. MtMS: Maria here, backstage with Kane. Kane, your thoughts on your match? Kane gives Maria his GLARE-O-DEATH, but she isn't bright enough to comprehend it, so he just ignores her. K: This Sunday...at You Only Live Twice...I'll be teaming up with the Big Show to take on Wrestling Royalty. And last week, Wrestling Royalty talked about "making an impact." Well tonight, Maria, I'm not going to make an impact...I'm going to make an EXAMPLE. I'm sure Wrestling Royalty are very proud of what they did to the Big Show earlier tonight, but...heh heh...we'll see how confident they are after I make a sacrifice of Chris Masters. And after I leave Chris Masters destroyed in that ring tonight, just remember...heh heh...that what I do to Chris Masters tonight...is NOTHING compared to what I will do to Wrestling Royalty this Sunday. Kane walks off, laughing all creepy-like. This does not really register with Maria. Chris Masters vs. Kane Kane promised earlier in the night to make an example out of Chris Masters, and he's certainly prepared to deliver. As soon as Kane enters the ring, Masters jumps on him and starts hammering away, doing whatever he can to get an edge over his very dangerous opponent. Fat lot of good it does him, though, as Kane quickly knocks Masters away and asserts control. Kane works over Masters with throat thrusts in the corner, then a sidewalk slam. Kane is in complete control of this match. Kane heads up top and delivers a flying clothesline, then sets up for the Choke Slam. Masters sees it coming, though, and he quickly rolls out of the ring. Masters says "the hell with this" and tries to leave, but Kane immediately goes out and catches him. Kane grabs Masters and chucks him back in. Kane re-enters the ring and Masters tries to get the jump on him again, but Kane is ready for him this time and he drops Masters with a big boot. Kane sets up another Choke Slam, and this time Masters can't escape it. Choke Slam is delivered, and Kane gets the quick victory. Kane pinned Chris Masters with the Choke Slam in 0:03:40. Rating: ** 1/4 ** 1/4? Proof that the fans will pay to see as little of Chris Masters as possible, maybe? You can't convince me that four minutes of Kane vs. Chris Masters is better than 10 minutes of Jeff Jarrett vs. DDP, or as good as 10 minutes of Juventud Guerrera vs. Funaki, but what do I know... The match is over, but Kane isn't done. Kane picks up the already KOed Masters, scoops him up, and delivers a Tombstone. Kane is handed a mic. K: JBL...Jarrett...I hope you're watching. Because what I just did to Chris Masters is only a FRACTION of the pain and suffering I have in store for you. This Sunday...at You Only Live Twice...I will put...you...through...HELL! Kane blows his pyro and makes his exit, with Masters dead in the ring. We return from commercial and Y5J...Y4J...Y3J...Y2J! Here comes the WWL World Heavyweight Champion. It's time for his "Pick Your Poison" match, but first, he's got a mic. CJ: You know, as I stand here waiting for Diamond Dennis to "pick my poison," I can't help but think about the future. In just a few short days, I will face Diamond Dennis, the lord almighty of boredom himself, with this...my precious WWL World Heavyweight Title...on the line. And I began to think about...and dread...the horrors that would be wrought upon the world if somehow, by means I cannot even begin to imagine, Diamond Dennis were to become the heavyweight champion of the world. I mean, it would be absolutely catastrophic! Can you picture it? Every ticket to a live WWL event would come with a free pillow, and maybe a blanket too for the VIPs. All the commercials during the live broadcasts would be for sleep aids, posturepedic mattresses and bunny slippers. Every single match would end by knockout. Oh, it would truly be a dark spot in the storied history of professional wrestling. But I hope I haven't frightened any of you too much. Because let me assure you, the only person who will walk out of You Only Live Twice as the heavyweight champion of the world is yours truly, Y2J, the Ayatollah of Rock 'n Rollah! There is nothing Diamond Dennis has that can hope to take away my championship, and after this Sunday, Diamond Dennis will never...EEEEEEEVER...be the same...a— (Animal roar) It's RHYNO! DDP has picked a heck of an obstacle for Y2J -- the WWL Intercontinental Champion is a force to be reckoned with! Rhyno charges the ring, and Jericho bails out for the time being; he's going to have to strategize to get past Rhyno - especially since, as our announcers point out, Jerichoholics Anonymous have been banned from ringside by Paul Heyman. "Pick Your Poison" match (non-title): Chris Jericho vs. Rhyno Jericho tries to start this one out slow with some technical wrestling, but Rhyno is all "F that!" and whenever he gets a chance, he goes high-impact. After a few moderate technical moves are met with big clotheslines and shoulderblocks from Rhyno, Jericho leaves the ring to take a breather. Rhyno follows right after him and he assaults Y2J on the outside. Rhyno whips Jericho into the barricade, then backs up and gets some distance. He's not doing what it looks like he's doing, is he? Rhyno turns and charges at Jericho, ready to Gore him right through the barricade, but Jericho sidesteps at the last second and Rhyno charges headlong into the barricade, putting a decent-sized dent in it. Rhyno is down and Jericho shakes off the cobwebs, then starts raining down stomps onto the Man Beast. Jericho picks up Rhyno and slams his head into the barricade a couple of times. After quickly rolling in and back out of the ring to break the count, Jericho sends Rhyno face-first into the ring post. Jericho takes Rhyno over to the announce table and slams his head into it. The referee has had about enough of this tomfoolery, and he goes out to admonish Jericho, who, of course, couldn't care less what the ref thinks. But as they argue, Rhyno manages to recover, and as Jericho goes to pick him up, Rhyno takes Jericho down and grabs his legs. Rhyno then falls back and slingshots Jericho right over the announce table and onto the commentators! Jericho lies in a heap at the back of the announce booth as we cut to commercial. Back from commercial, and Rhyno is in control in the ring. He traps Jericho in the corner and delivers some chops, whips Jericho to the opposite corner, and charges in with a huge shoulderblock to the gut. Jericho staggers out of the corner and Rhyno bounces off the ropes and drops him with a clothesline. Rhyno covers and gets two. A back suplex and an elbowdrop get another two for Rhyno. Rhyno scoops Jericho onto his shoulder and goes for a running powerslam, but Jericho slips out and pushes Rhyno into the turnbuckle. Rhyno bounces off the buckle and Jericho dropkicks him in the back, causing Rhyno to fall face-first into the second buckle. Before Rhyno can get himself out of that predicament, Jericho gets a running start and smashes Rhyno in the back of the head with a knee, mashing Rhyno's face into the buckle. Rhyno's just had his bell rung, and Jericho is back in control. Jericho manages to keep his advantage sustained by keeping Rhyno grounded. Jericho works an armbar (Man of 1004 Moves!), and when Rhyno gets out of that, Jericho spins around behind him and locks in a Dragon Sleeper. Rhyno fights out of that with some elbows and shoves Jericho off into the ropes. Rhyno misses with a clothesline as Jericho rebounds off the ropes and Jericho scores with a flying clothesline. Cover gets two. A snap suplex from Jericho gets another two. A full nelson faceslam gets yet another two. Jericho's getting a tad frustrated. He goes to pick Rhyno up again and Rhyno fires off some shots to Jericho's midsection. With Jericho doubled over, Rhyno comes off the ropes and runs right into a sleeperhold. Rhyno fights the sleeper, but he's slowly fading as Jericho wrenches it in, cutting off Rhyno's oxygen. Finally, Jericho gets Rhyno down to the mat. The ref raises Rhyno's hand and it stays up. Rhyno starts to muscle his way back to one knee, then back to his feet. Rhyno is back up and he nails Jericho with some shots to the gut. Rhyno finally manages to push Jericho off. Rhyno misses a clothesline as Jericho comes off the ropes, then whiffs on a back elbow as well. Jericho connects with a facebuster on Rhyno. Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Rhyno gets the knees up and Jericho takes it right in the ribs. Both men down. Jericho and Rhyno both get up and a slugfest ensues, which Rhyno wins. Rhyno sends Jericho off the ropes and gets a powerslam for a long two. Rhyno hits a headbutt, then nails Jericho with a belly-to-belly for another long two. Rhyno is getting fired up here and he has Jericho on the run. Jericho's off the ropes again and he goes for a cross-body, but Rhyno catches him and drops him with a front slam. Rhyno then backs off and signals for the Gore. Jericho gets to his feet and Rhyno charges...leapfrog by Jericho dodges the Gore. Rhyno ends up landing across the second rope. Jericho comes off the ropes and goes for the legdrop-across-back-of-head-driving-throat-into-second-rope move (what the hell is the name of it?), but Rhyno moves and Jericho falls through the ropes onto the apron. Rhyno tries to pull him up, but Jericho drops Rhyno across the top rope with a hangman. Jericho is fed up with Rhyno, and he goes and grabs a chair and re-enters the ring. Jericho raises the chair to use it, but the ref isn't about to allow that and he rips the chair out of Jericho's hands. Jericho protests loudly. While that's going on, Rhyno is getting back up -- but here come Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari! Hassan tells Daivari to charge and he jumps up on the apron, but Rhyno knocks him off before he can do any damage. Rhyno turns back to the match, but Jericho has seen his opening and he runs over and delivers the Flashback. Jericho covers and Hassan holds Rhyno's feet down so he can't kick out. Jericho wins! ("Pick Your Poison" Match): Chris Jericho pinned Rhyno after the Flashback in 0:13:05. Rating: *** ½ Post-match, Rhyno is able to recover and he chases off after Hassan and Daivari. Jericho wipes his brow after a tough match, and takes a moment to jaw at the crowd about how awesome he is (no mic - just jawing). That moment is just enough time for DDP to jump out of the crowd, and Jericho turns around right into a Diamond Cutter. DDP grabs a mic. DDP: THAT is what I have that can hope to take away your WWL World Heavyweight Championship! I can take that belt away from you in an instant, Jericho - and I hope you liked that, because this Sunday, you will once again FEEL...THE...BANG! Crowd pops as DDP gives the sign for the Diamond Cutter over Jericho's downed body. GB: And DDP gets one up on the World Heavyweight Champion here tonight! But can he maintain that edge and hold onto his title belt at You Only Live Twice? This Sunday on pay-per-view - you DON'T want to miss it! This is Garth Bishop for the Honky Tonk Man - we'll see you there! GOOD NIGHT! Card rating: ** ½ Matches signed for You Only Live Twice: World Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Diamond Dallas Page Carlito Caribbean Cool vs. Shawn Michaels Big Show & Kane vs. Wrestling Royalty Cruiserweight Title: Ultimo Dragon (c) vs. Juventud Guerrera Intercontinental Title: Rhyno (c) vs. Muhammad Hassan Tag Team Title Tournament, semifinals: Dudley Boyz vs. Law Firm of Mason, Martin & Bloom Tag Team Title Tournament, semifinals: Scotty 2-Hotty & Shannon Moore vs. Lords of the Dance |
| Snabbit888 | Posted on 08/02/05 at 06:44:16 Your Jericho is dead on and highly comical. I shall hire you to write Jericho promos for me when need be. Jericho is not my strongest character, but you make it look easy. And I like the Pick Your Poison gimmick, so this should be a fun show. Rhyno deliberately gets Hassan and Daivari DQ'ed. Ooooh... the scoundrel! Rhyno/Hassan IC Title! Sweet! Juvi vs. Dragon should be good, but there certainly was no doubt in the match with Funaki. Big Show gets screwed against JBL. And you want to know why? Needed more Kane. Carlito gets the better of HBK once again. I can't see Michaels NOT winning that match at the PPV. Jericho's plan backfires mightily for Pick Your Poison. Not a big fan of DDP, but you've built well so far to the match at YOLT. Yolt! Chris Masters dies again. Sweet. Main event was a little too interference heavy for my liking, but it was well done enough. Everything is set nicely for the PPV, which I will predict for... NOW! World Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Diamond Dallas Page *** Y2J retains Carlito Caribbean Cool vs. Shawn Michaels *** HBK Big Show & Kane vs. Wrestling Royalty *** Wrestling Royalty via screwjobbinsky Cruiserweight Title: Ultimo Dragon (c) vs. Juventud Guerrera *** Ultimo retains Intercontinental Title: Rhyno (c) vs. Muhammad Hassan *** Rhyno retains Tag Team Title Tournament, semifinals: Dudley Boyz vs. Law Firm of Mason, Martin & Bloom ***Law Firm Tag Team Title Tournament, semifinals: Scotty 2-Hotty & Shannon Moore vs. Lords of the Dance *** Scotty and Moore Finals... Law Firm are the new champs. |
| 91 | Posted on 08/04/05 at 23:43:35 No question that the big highlight was Jerichos hilarious promo at the outset. World Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Diamond Dallas Page GOT to be Jericho. He's the best guy you've got going right now. Carlito Caribbean Cool vs. Shawn Michaels I'm taking the same line as Snabby in that Michaels hasn't got much so far, unless the plan is to put Carlito over big right away. But since Shawn is one of the next natural challengers to Jericho, I say HBK. Big Show & Kane vs. Wrestling Royalty Wrestling Royalty are just behind Jericho on the heel ladder, and I'd expect them to win. Cruiserweight Title: Ultimo Dragon (c) vs. Juventud Guerrera Ultimo retains for now. Intercontinental Title: Rhyno (c) vs. Muhammad Hassan If there's going to be any title change, bar the tag titles, it'll be this, but I'm plumping for Rhyno. Tag Team Title Tournament, semifinals: Dudley Boyz vs. Law Firm of Mason, Martin & Bloom Tag Team Title Tournament, semifinals: Scotty 2-Hotty & Shannon Moore vs. Lords of the Dance Scotty and Shannon advance, only to lose to TLFOMMAB. |