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WWL Rush: 5/15/05

AllPowerfulGARTHPosted on 07/05/05 at 03:50:58

Here's Rush!  Enjoy the video package!  I know you won't!

SE: Welcome to Rrrrrrush, ladies and gentlemen!  Never fear, because your weekly dose of midcarders is here!  I'm Sean Edmunds, alongside Christopher Nowinski.
CN: Salutations!
SE: We've got a packed card for you tonight.  We'll see Veeeeeee-Onah himself, Matt Hardy, in action, and the unstable Gene Snitsky will be in action as well!
CN: In addition, in tonight's main event, the Cruiserweight Title is on the line as Ultimo Dragon defends against his close compatriot Funaki!
SE: Certainly no bad blood between those two, just a desire to hold the championship gold.  Funaki was the first man out of the Cruiserweight Challenge at The World Is Not Enough, and he's going to be looking to prove himself here tonight!
CN: And while we're on the topic of proving oneself, that's also what Disco Inferno will be looking to do in our opening match here tonight, so let's proceed to the ring!

Disco Inferno vs. Rey Mysterio

Disco Inferno has yet another chance to prove himself tonight.  Let's see if he can pull it off! (Heh heh) These two actually do have some history, going back to Rey Mysterio's match against Chris Jericho in the quarterfinals of the World Heavyweight Title Tournament.  Though Disco Inferno didn't really figure into the finish of that match, he did do some light interfering early on before he was knocked out by Diamond Dallas Page.  Anyway, say what you will about Disco Inferno (go ahead!  Say what you will!  I know you want to!), his win-loss record may be something less than spectacular, but he doesn't just roll over for his opponents.  He's also got a significant weight advantage over Rey Mysterio, so this match is more even than one might expect out of Disco Inferno.  Unfortunately, he IS still Disco Inferno, and Rey Mysterio is still Rey Mysterio, so Rey does get the advantage.  When Disco actually does get an edge, he tends to waste it by dancing or arguing with the ref (because that edge generally includes choking or eye-poking at one point or another).  After taking advantage of Disco wasting some time by dancing, Rey goes on the offensive.  After a near-fall or two or three, Rey ends up getting the victory after the 619 and West Coast Pop.

Rey Mysterio pinned Disco Inferno with the West Coast Pop in 0:09:29.
Rating: *** ½

Chris Masters vs. Matt Hardy

Mattitude vs. the Masterpiece!  Who will win?  If you can't figure it out, you haven't been paying attention.  Chris Masters does take a brief advantage just because he's bigger, but the big galoot is so clueless in the ring, he can never seem to keep the advantage for long.  Matt, being both the more talented and more experienced of the two, is always able to escape Masters' generic power offense after a move or two, then keep the edge with more mat-based techniques.  Matt looks to have things wrapped up with the Twist of Fate, but Masters pushes him off into the ropes and nails him with a Polish Hammer on the rebound.  Masters sinches in the Masterlock, but it's just a frigging full nelson, and Matt is easily able to get to the ropes.  Masters is shocked that Matt just got out of his move and he protests to the official, allowing Hardy to easily recover and nail Masters with an impressive Side Effect.  Hardy then goes to the second rope and delivers a flying legdrop for the victory.

Matt Hardy pinned Chris Masters after a flying legdrop in 0:07:48.
Rating: ***

We're back from the commercial break and unsigned indy star Roderick Strong is already in the ring as Gene Snitsky makes his way down.  Strong sure has his work cut out for him tonight as he goes one-on-one with the very dangerous Gene Snitsky.  But what's this?  Snitsky has a mic and he addresses Strong in his self-parodying, heavy-breathing voice of DOOM~.

GS: Before this match begins, I would like to give you a token of my appreciation for being my opponent tonight.

Strong shrugs, unsure of what exactly's going on here.

GS: I'd like to tell...a joke.

Now, NO ONE knows how to react.  Gene Snitsky the jokester?

GS: Ahem.  What's the difference...between a truckload of bricks...and a truckload...of dead babies?

Strong is all "WTF?" and the audience seems to agree.

GS: You can't unload a truckload of bricks...with a pitchfork!

Strong's body language seems to be saying, "You just told a DEAD BABY JOKE?  What the hell is wrong with you?"  The crowd is also booing.  Snitsky notices Strong's reaction and he charges over and LEVELS Strong with a massive clothesline.  The referee rings the bell to start the match.

Gene Snitsky vs. Roderick Strong (unsigned)

Snitsky stomps the hell out of Strong, who has already been clotheslined out of his boots.  Snitsky chokes Strong in the ropes, then yells at the referee when he is forced to break the hold.  Strong crawls away from the ropes and Snitsky gives him a hard kick to the midsection, sending Strong halfway across the ring.  More stomping, more choking, and Snitsky pulls Strong up, sends him off the ropes, and drops him with a big boot.  Snitsky then polishes Strong off with the Pump-Handle Slam.

Gene Snitsky pinned Roderick Strong with the Pump-Handle Slam in 0:01:01.
Rating: 1/4 *

Post-match, Snitsky gets his hands on a mic again.

GS: You didn't think that was funny?  You didn't laugh at my joke!  And when people don't laugh at my jokes, that makes me angry!  So since you made me angry...that WASN'T...MY...FAULT!

Snitsky throws down the mic and stomps off.

Cruiserweight Title match: Ultimo Dragon (c) vs. Funaki

Though Ultimo Dragon and Funaki are friends, Funaki wants that Cruiserweight Title just as much as Dragon does.  After Dragon pinned Funaki in the Cruiserweight Challenge, he felt that Funaki deserved a one-on-one title match, hence this one.  Unfortunately, the match barely has a chance to make it out of the proverbial blocks.  Early on the match, a series of reversals leads to Funaki taking an over-the-top-rope bump.  Funaki must have miscalculated in the air or something, because the bump goes screwy and Funaki bashes the side of his head on the apron.  Funaki has been knocked goofy by that, and it's evident right away.  Dragon (subtly, of course) goes out and asks Funaki if he's okay.  The ref is out on the floor too, and he (subtly as well) suggests that it might be wise to cut the match short.  Dragon helps Funaki get back in the ring, gets the edge after a quick and simple series of reversals, and finishes things up with his patented Asai moonsault.

Ultimo Dragon pinned Funaki after an Asai moonsault in 0:04:14.
Rating: *
(Ultimo Dragon retained the WWL Cruiserweight Title.)

Rrrrrgh...this is what happens when I tell TNM to restart the match and it doesn't, leaving me with a shitty ending.  Anyway, officials come out to check on Funaki after the match, but the general consensus is that Funaki's injury was just a stinger, and luckily, he will be fine.

SE: That's it for Rush, folks!  Be sure to catch Monday Night Action tomorrow - you DON'T want to miss it!  I'm Sean Edmunds, for Christopher Nowinski, good night!
AzraelPosted on 07/05/05 at 04:13:43

SNITSKY~!

I'll admit...I laughed at that joke.