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WWL Monday Night Action 4/11/05
| AllPowerfulGARTH | Posted on 04/23/05 at 06:03:11 Yes, I'm actually putting legitimate DATES on my cards instead of "week one" etc. That just shows how much I care about you people. Video package. Same as last week's. And really pretty much irrelevant, since you can't see it. I guess you can turn on "Action" by Powerman 5000, close your eyes, and picture shots of the wrestlers on my roster making menacing faces, but who has time? GB: Welcome to Monday Night Action, ladies and gentlemen! I'm Garth Bishop, alongside the legendary Honky Tonk Man! HTM: Thank you, thank you, you're too kind! GB: The fans in this arena are on their feet tonight, and after last week's inaugural show, can you blame them? HTM: Absolutely not! The WWL is THE hot topic in the world of wrestling right now! After just one week of action, fans the world over are clamoring for more of Paul Heyman's brainchild...AND, of course, for their weekly dose of Honkytonkmania! GB: Still running wild, I take it? HTM: Well, not quite as wild as it used to...but it's still running PRETTY wild! GB: Hey, Garthamania isn't running at all, so you've still got the advantage there. But anyway, folks, we've got a HELL of a show for you tonight, including two matches in the World Heavyweight Title tournament. John Bradshaw Layfield, the Big Show and Gene Snitsky have already advanced, and tonight, we'll see two more advances, as Kane takes on Goldust and Shawn Michaels goes one-on-one with Ernest "The Cat" Miller! HTM: Plus, Diamond Dallas Page and Chris Jericho are both in the building tonight, and I've been hearing rumors that DDP is looking to get his hands on Jericho after what Y2J did to him last week! GB: Rumors? HTM: I have my sources. GB: I'll take your word for it. But don't forget tonight's maaaaaaain event, where we'll see a little bit of southern justice in action as John Bradshaw Layfield takes on the man who beat Jeff Jarrett last week, the Big Show! And without further ado, let's head to the ring for this week's first World Heavyweight Title Tournament match! World Heavyweight Title Tournament, First Round: Kane vs. Goldust Goldust's premiere was certainly an interesting experience. Kane is used to being able to intimidate pretty much everyone he steps in the ring with, but he just didn't know what to make of the Bizarre One. Though Kane had his moments of domination, Goldust's strange behavior continued to throw Kane off. Finally, Goldust managed to nail Kane with the Shock Treatment powerslam, but Kane kicked out at 2.9999. Goldust then set up Kane in the corner for the Shattered Dreams. The referee tried to dissuade Goldust, and Goldust ignored him, but the distraction gave Kane a chance to get loose, and as Goldust charged into the corner, Kane goozled him, then chokeslammed him for the victory to advance in the tournament. [World Heavyweight Title tournament]: Kane pinned Goldust with the Choke Slam in 0:08:59. Rating: *** 3/4 John Bradshaw Layfield and Jeff Jarrett are backstage. Backstaging. JBL: ...Don't you worry about it. The Big Show is going to pay for that cheap victory last week. JJ: We'll see how brave he is when he finds himself on the opposite side of the ring from the top two superstars in the WWL. JBL: And before that even happens, you'll get your chance at redemption tonight. JJ: Damn right. I'm going to prove that Big Show's victory over me was nothing but a fluke, and that I AM the King of the Mountain here in the WWL. JBL: The King of the Mountain...and a wrestling god. We are wrestling ROYALTY. And soon enough, every chump in this locker room is going to bow at our feet. JJ: Starting right now. With Rhyno. JBL: Let's get out there and show EVERYONE what Wrestling Royalty is all about. Jeff Jarrett vs. Rhyno The alliance of Jeff Jarrett and John Bradshaw Layfield is certainly a force to be reckoned with. JBL accompanied Jarrett to the ring, and Rhyno knew it was going to be two-on-one going in, but he showed no fear. JBL kept his involvement minimal; a trip-up here, a distraction of the referee there. But Jarrett got too cocky, allowing Rhyno to recover, send Jarrett into the corner, and plaster him with a running shoulder to the midsection. Rhyno then lined Jarrett up for the Gore, but JBL grabbed Rhyno's leg. Rhyno, fed up, exited the ring and went after JBL, who begged off for long enough to give Jarrett time to nail Rhyno with a baseball slide. Jarrett then argued with the referee while JBL flattened Rhyno with the Clothesline From Hell on the floor. JBL threw Rhyno in the ring and Jarrett connected with the Stroke to get the pin. Jeff Jarrett pinned Rhyno with the Stroke in 0:10:33. Rating: *** 1/4 Sean Edmunds is backstage with Diamond Dallas Page. SE: DDP, last week you were laid out by a brutal and unprovoked beating from Chris Jericho. I understand you have an announcement to make this week. DDP: That's right. I've got a message for that gutless coward Jericho. I'll bet you think what you did last week was real funny, tapping out to a frickin' WRISTLOCK, then hitting me with a cheap shot. Well, Y2J, I can appreciate a good sense of humor. That's why it's going to be even funnier tonight, when I beat your ass in that ring. You got that, Jericho? I am callin' your ass OUT. You, me, in the ring, TONIGHT. Ya dig? DDP offers Edmunds a hi-five. Edmunds goes for it, but is denied. DDP: Self Hi-Five! DDP walks away, leaving Edmunds hanging. SE: Hee! Chris Sabin vs. Juventud Guerrera A hard-fought contest here with a lot of near-falls toward the end. Chris Sabin finally seemed to have things wrapped up with Juventud Guerrera, but he just couldn't keep him down. When Sabin went for a DDT, Juvi countered out of nowhere with a small package to get the win. Juvi then did his share of bragging as he left the ring victorious. Juventud Guerrera pinned Chris Sabin after a small package in 0:10:41. Rating: *** 3/4 Maria the Mic Stand -- yes, the one from RAW, I don't know her last name -- is backstage wasting space. Juventud Guerrera runs up to her on his way back from the ring. JG: Did you SEE that victory, baby? YEAH! The Juice is HOT TONIGHT! MtMS: Maria here, backstage with Juventud Guerrera. Juvi, your thoughts on your match? JG: ...Are you retarded? The Juice whooped some ass! YEAH! That punk ass Chris Sabin, he thought he could beat the Juice! He was all, "HAIL SABIN!" But now he's, uh...he's hailing the CEILING! As he's laying on his back! From getting his ass stomped by the Juice, baby! HOO AH! Maria just sort of stares blankly. She only knows one question. JG: Are you okay, sweetheart? The Juice knows it's an awe-inspiring experience to be in his presence, but he's pretty sure that facial expression isn't "awed." It comes off more as "confused." Maria snaps out of it. You can almost hear the sound of the tiny tape recorder in her head rewinding. MtMS: Maria here, backstage with Juventud Guerrera. Juvi, your thoughts on your match? JG: The Juice thinks you need to make an effort not to huff so much paint. That way, you can fully enjoy the experience of watching the Juice lay the smack down, like he did tonight with Chris Sabin! YEAH! Maria stares blankly. Juvi just shrugs his shoulders. JG: YEAH, baby! The Juice is on a roll! Juvi saunters off, still muttering validations to himself. World Heavyweight Title Tournament, First Round: Shawn Michaels vs. Ernest "The Cat" Miller Ernest "The Cat" Miller continues to impress. After watching Shawn Michaels prance to the ring as he usually does, the Cat decided he needed to show up the Showstopper. The Cat danced his way to the ring as per his custom, and once he got to the ring, he just did not stop -- while the crowd booed profusely, the Cat danced almost all the way through his entire entrance theme. Finally, Shawn had had enough, and he simply dropped the Cat with some Sweet Chin Music (which was sweet indeed to all the fans suffering through the Cat's performance). The referee simply shrugged and rang the bell to start the match, and Shawn knocked Lamont off the apron and covered the Cat to get the three-count and advance in the tournament. At eight seconds, Ernest Miller has just set a new record for quickest loss -- beating out his own 18-second performance from last week. [World Heavyweight Title tournament]: Shawn Michaels pinned Ernest Miller with the Sweet Chin Music in 0:00:08. Rating: * Pre-taped promo time! Hooray! Here's some guy with a bandaged head, a black eye, and a neck brace, holding a piece of paper that says, in very large print, "YOU'RE FIRED!" Announcer Type Guy: Have you been injured in an accident? Bandaged Guy nods, causing him to wince and hold his neck in pain. ATG: Have you been the victim of someone else's carelessness? Bandaged Guy nods, more carefully this time. ATG: Have you been treated unfairly by your boss? Bandaged Guy holds up the "YOU'RE FIRED" paper. ATG: And what are you going to do about it? Bandaged Guy shrugs. ATG: That's right, you CAN'T do anything about it. Bandaged Guy lowers his eyes in defeat. ATG: ...Until now! Bandaged Guy perks up. ATG: That's right! You don't have to sit there and take it anymore, because at last, someone is on your side! Clarence Mason -- you all remember him! From...uh...1996? -- walks onscreen, dressed up very snappily, I must say. CM: Hello, working man. I'm here to represent you, the oppressed worker! Are you tired of being pushed around? BG: Yes sir, I am! CM: Now, my good man, I can see you'd like to fight back. But in your state, you can't fight back, can you? Bandaged Guy shakes his head sadly. CM: Well not to worry! Because when you can't fight back, we'll do the fighting for you! I'm Clarence Mason, and these are my partners, Andrew Martin and Matthew Bloom. Andrew Martin and Matthew Bloom -- better known as Test and A-Train, respectively -- walk onscreen from either side of Bandaged Guy. Martin's hair is now neat and tidy, free of any spiking or frosting, and Bloom has a neatly-trimmed beard and is sans facial piercings. CM: And with us on the scene, you'll never have to worry about being treated unfairly ever again! Bandaged Guy flashes a thumbs-up. CM: Don't let yourself be a victim for one more second! Remember...when the going gets tough...the tough call the Law Firm of Mason, Martin & Bloom! Everyone shares a hearty laugh. Bloom gives Bandaged Guy a pat on the back, causing him to grimace in pain. End pre-taped segment. GB: What. The hell. Was that. HTM: Hey! What's the matter with you? This is an absolutely BRILLIANT idea! When someone can't fight back, they fight back for him! It's genius, and I'm surprised no one's done it before. GB: But...lawyers? HTM: What? GB: ...THERE'S NO LAWYERS IN WRESTLING! HTM: Did you just paraphrase "A League of Their Own?" GB: Absolutely not. That's crazy talk. What's the next match? Come on, I'm getting bored. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Chris Jericho DDP is down to the ring and ready to fight. Here's Jericho to make his entrance...not dressed to wrestle...with a microphone...and with his arm in a sling. CJ: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Let's just hold our horses here for a second! DDP mouths some naughty words inside the ring. Good thing he doesn't have a mic. CJ: Now look here, Diamond Dennis. I was back there in the locker room, and I saw you issue that challenge to me. And I said to myself, "Self, you are not going to take that kind of verbal abuse from THIS ass clown!" So I was good and ready to come out here and teach you a lesson in PAIN...but unfortunately, it seems I have not been medically cleared to wrestle. You see, last week, SOMEone unfairly goaded me into a match. And during that match, I was placed in a DEVASTATING wristlock. Though I tried to fight the pain -- and oh, how I tried! -- I eventually had to tap out. I mean, there is absolutely no quit in Y2J, but I had to think about my future. I don't want my career to end prematurely just because of my pride. And so after I was released from that excruciating hold, I expected my tag team partner to come in and console me, and perhaps apologize to me for not making the save when he could! But NO! No, Diamond Dennis, not only did you not have any kind words for me, what words you had were nothing but cruel! And after you laid a completely unprovoked attack on me, I had no choice but to fight back, FURTHER injuring my already injured wrist. And now, because of you, I do not have the necessary medical clearance to wrestle. But I don't want you to leave the ring disappointed, so being the standup guy I am, I have arranged for you to have a match with a man who is equally as tough, equally as charismatic, and equally as deadly serious inside the ropes as myself! Hit the music! "DISCO FEVER, DISCO FEVER, DISCO FEVER, YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH..." GB: "He's so cocky, he's so cool, he's just a dis-co dancin' fool..." HTM: Stop that. There is no greater crime against humanity than disco. GB: "When he steps up on the floor, the girls are screamin' we want more more mo-hore..." HTM: I will NOT hesitate to destroy you. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Disco Inferno The crowd didn't like what Chris Jericho did to DDP, but they HATE HATE HATED Disco Inferno. Disco actually managed to hold his own against DDP for a little while, but eventually fell victim to the Diamond Cutter. Post-match, Jericho jumped DDP from behind, stomped the snot out of him, and scampered off. Methinks his wrist injury is not as serious as he says it is. Diamond Dallas Page pinned Disco Inferno with the Diamond Cutter in 0:09:56. Rating: ** 3/4 Coming back from commercial, Chris Jericho is backstage gloating about his victory. He approaches Sean Edmunds, who has spent the last hour or so looking for a camera that's turned on. CJ: Haha! Did you see what I just did out there? SE: Yeah, you-- CJ: What a grade-A SUCKER that Diamond Dennis is! Oh, you should've seen the look on his face when I got to him! SE: I DID see the look on his face. The camera was right on him. CJ: Shut up! The point is, THAT'S what you get when you mess with the Ayatollah of Rock 'n Rollah! Here's Paul Heyman. Big pop. PH: Gee, Chris, you certainly must be proud of what you did out there. CJ: Hey, I hate to toot my own horn, but HELL YEAH I'm proud. I made DDP look like a fool. PH: That you did, Chris. You made DDP look like a fool. And with such a grievous injury, no less. CJ: What can I say? I am one bad mamma jamma. But you already know, of course. That's why you're here to congratulate me. PH: Actually, Chris, I'm here because I've got news for you. Some good news and some bad news. CJ: Well, hit me with it, daddy-o, because everything's sounding like good news to me tonight! PH: All right, Chris. The good news is, next week, you've got a match in the first round of the World Heavyweight Title Tournament. CJ: Great! What bad news can possibly compare to that? PH: The bad news is, your opponent in that first-round match will be none other than Diamond...Dallas...Page. The smile vanishes from Jericho's face. CJ: Um...uh...OW! Jericho grabs his wrist in pain. CJ: Gee Paul, I appreciate the opportunity and all, but my wrist is still in a lot of pain. Is there any way the match can be postponed? PH: Oh, well you needn't worry about that, Chris. If you're unable to compete by next week, why...you'll simply forfeit the match. CJ: FORFEIT? Y2J DOES NOT FORFEIT! How dare you accuse me of such a thing! PH: So then, I'll see you in the ring next week? CJ: Hells YES you will! PH: Good to hear. Have a nice night, Chris. Heyman departs. Jericho suddenly realizes what he just agreed to. CJ: Hey! Wait! Ohhhh CURSES I have been tricked! Well, we'll just see about that! Jericho storms off. Edmunds is left by himself. SE: ...Hee! John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Big Show Jeff Jarrett returned the favor for John Bradshaw Layfield by accompanying him to the ring tonight. This match went much like Jarrett's match earlier tonight did, with the man not officially IN the match taking his shots whenever he could. However, the odds weren't quite the same, as one Big Show is roughly equal to two ordinary men! No matter how much Jarrett cheated, Big Show wouldn't stay down, and once the big man started feeling it, it was all downhill for JBL. Big Show floored JBL with a big boot and goozled him for the Show Stopper when Jarrett broke up the proceedings with a hellacious guitar shot on Show. The 500-pounder definitely felt THAT, and though the match ended in DQ, Jarrett and JBL wasted no time in double-teaming the downed Big Show. Just when things looked bleak for Show, Rhyno charged in to make the save, tossing JBL from the ring and nailing Jarrett with the Gore! JBL and Jarrett regrouped and were tossing threats at Rhyno as the show went off the air. The Big Show defeated John Bradshaw Layfield by disqualification in 0:12:27. Rating: * 1/2 GB: The Big Show and Rhyno, standing tall in the ring! It's going to be a tough road for Wrestling Royalty from here on out! Don't forget to check on Rush this Sunday, and DON'T miss Action next week as we see the final two matches in the World Heavyweight Title Tournament, Rey Mysterio battling L.A. Park and Diamond Dallas Page finally getting his hands on "Y2J" Chris Jericho! I'm Garth Bishop, for the Honky Tonk Man, GOOD NIGHT! Card rating: ** 1/2 |
| rey619 | Posted on 04/23/05 at 11:12:22 Yet another nice card. I like the idea of A-Train and Test as a lawyer's strongarm. Maria the Mic Stand? Hilarious.. never occurred to me that she only knows one question, and how to get a cake in her face. The Cat is taken down in 8 seconds.. I really wonder if he can lose quicker than that. Maybe book him against Rhyno and see how fast he can be Gored. |
| Shaun Sindelman | Posted on 04/24/05 at 01:19:50 World Heavyweight Title Tournament, First Round: Kane vs. Goldust Prediction - Kane [World Heavyweight Title tournament]: Kane pinned Goldust with the Choke Slam in 0:08:59. Rating: *** 3/4 Should be interesting to see how Kane fairs against the other big men thus far - Snitsky, JBL and Big Show....Snitsky especially, of course. Jeff Jarrett vs. Rhyno Prediction - JJ due to interference by JBL Jeff Jarrett pinned Rhyno with the Stroke in 0:10:33. Rating: *** 1/4 But of course....JJ and JBL are most definitely quite the duo to cross in WWL. Loved the setup for the SELF High 5 with DDP. Chris Sabin vs. Juventud Guerrera Prediction - Hard Knox Wrestling's former champ, Juvy! Juventud Guerrera pinned Chris Sabin after a small package in 0:10:41. Rating: *** 3/4 Chalk another one up for moi. =) The Juice is LOOOSE! OMG - Maria the Mic Stand is just a classic segment. World Heavyweight Title Tournament, First Round: Shawn Michaels vs. Ernest "The Cat" Miller Winner: HBK without breaking a sweat - Amazing! Nice lil thing for Clarence Thomas and the fired men from WWE. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Chris Jericho This should be an interesting contest...gotta go with Jericho. Oh god - Disco Inferno? somebody stop it. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Disco Inferno I change my prediction - DDP for the win, Diamond Dallas Page pinned Disco Inferno with the Diamond Cutter in 0:09:56. Rating: ** 3/4 So DDP gets the win but suffers a postmatch beatdown from the Ayatollah. Ooo - DDP vs Jericho to happen next Monday...nice job, Heyman. John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Big Show Big Show will hold his own but with JJ at ringside, its gotta go in the favor of JBL. The Big Show defeated John Bradshaw Layfield by disqualification in 0:12:27. Rating: * 1/2 Wow - Rhyno to the rescue. I'm interested to see Show/Rhyno vs JJ and JBL next monday...Hook em up, Heyman. |