FORUM HOME > TNM Circuits > TNM Circuits
WWL Monday Night Action: April 2005, Week One

AllPowerfulGARTHPosted on 04/19/05 at 05:24:31

A video package opens up the WWL's first-ever card, set to the dulcet tones of "Action" by Powerman 5000.  Then it's straight down to ringside with our commentators.

GB: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and WELCOME to the very-first-ever-of-all-time-and-some-similar-hyperboles edition of the World Wrestling League's Monday Night Action!  I'm Garth Bishop, and with me is my broadcast colleague, the one, the ONLY, Honky Tonk Man!
HTM: And it is an honor and a privilege to be sitting here at ringside for the inaugural edition of Monday Night Action!  I tell ya, Garth, if any of these competitors tonight is HALF the entertainer I am, we should be in for one hell of a show.
GB: You certainly never fail to entertain.  Right now, it's time for our first match, so let's head to the ring!

Six-Man Tag: Ultimo Dragon, Funaki & Chris Sabin vs. Dean Malenko, Jamie Noble & Juventud Guerrera

Some hot cruiserweight action to start out tonight, existing for the sole purpose of dazzling the fans and with no real storyline behind it (yet).  After an intense, fast-paced match, the Ultimo Dragon hit his patented Asai Moonsault on Juventud Guerrera to score the victory for his team.  Only ** 3/4 for 16 minutes of hot cruiserweight action?  WTF, TNM?

Ultimo Dragon, Funaki and Chris Sabin defeated Dean Malenko, Jamie Noble and Juventud Guerrera when U. Dragon pinned J. Guerrera after an Asai moonsault in 0:15:49.
Rating: ** 3/4

After that opening match, Paul Heyman is out to do some shilling.

PH: Good evening.  If you would please pardon my making an assumption...I would venture to say that the majority of you people know who I am. (crowd pop) And if you know who I am, then it stands to reason that you know what I do. (crowd pop) And if somehow you came to this arena tonight NOT knowing what I do, I would venture to say that after that opening match, you now have a pretty good idea. (big pop) You see, I think what I do is very simple.  And yet, it seems that almost everyone else in this industry cannot do what it is I do.  All I do is try to be entertained.  Because I find that, when I am entertained, you people are also entertained. (crowd pop) That is why, in the WWL, you will see matches like the last one.  That is why, in the WWL, you will see, over the course of the next few weeks, a tournament featuring 16 of the world's top wrestling superstars, culminating in a match for the vacant World Heavyweight Title at our first pay-per-view, The World Is Not Enough.  And that is why, in tonight's main event, you will see "The Heartbreak Kid" take on Rey Mysterio. (big pop for that one) Now, you might be tempted to call this match a "dream match," but I urge you to resist that temptation.  Because what might be a dream match to you is, in Paul Heyman's WWL, simply...reality.

Heyman enjoys that cheap pop as he leaves the ring.

World Heavyweight Title Tournament, First Round: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rhyno

JBL brings a microphone to the ring and takes some time to remind us who he is -- just some standard JBL-isms and an assurance or two that he is going all the way in this tournament.  As JBL yammers on, Rhyno gets tired of it and gives him the standard "interruption-of-heel-rant-with-entrance-music," and the match is on.

A good effort by Rhyno here, but the ever-crafty JBL wasn't about to get himself eliminated in the first round of the tournament.  After Rhyno hit a spinebuster, he started sizing up JBL for the Gore, but JBL pulled the referee in the way at the last minute.  Rhyno managed to stop in time, but in his anger, he grabbed the referee and threw him out of the way, giving JBL time to load up and deliver the Clothesline From Hell for the victory.

World Heavyweight Title tournament:
John Bradshaw Layfield pinned Rhyno with the Clothesline From Hell in 0:08:47.
Rating: ** 1/4

Aaaaaand we're backstage.  Here's Diamond Dallas Page, and he's got an exclusive interview with the catering table.  But before he can even get started, he's interrupted by Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari.  How rude.

MH: Well.  The legendary Diamond Dallas Page.
DDP: None other.
MH: It is truly an honor.  My very first night in the WWL, and I have the opportunity to meet a legend of the squared circle.  A man who has done it all in the world of wrestling.  I am duly impressed.
DDP: Well...good to know I have a fa--
MH: Yes.  Diamond Dallas Page.  A man who has done it all...about ten years ago.

DDP gives a sort of "Yeah, I figured that was coming" look.

MH: DDP, you've done some impressive things in your career.  But in the end, you're just another typical pathetic American.  You started out as common street trash.  You worked your way up to the top.  And then you just crashed right back down again.  Now, you're nothing but a cripple waiting to happen, a sad, disillusioned man who thinks he still has what it takes.  But take it from me, DDP -- you DON'T.
DDP: You know, Muhammad...if you're looking for trouble, all you have to do is say so.
KD: (shouts something incomprehensible in Farsi)
MH: Is that what you think, DDP?  That I'm "looking for trouble?"  Of course you WOULD think that.  I MUST be looking for trouble, right?  Why else would a man with MY skin color say such things to a man with YOUR skin color?  Why else would a man named "Muhammad" say such things to a man named...(scoffs)..."Dallas?"  You really are just a sorry excuse for an American.
DDP: You know what?  You talk a mean game.  But I wonder if you're quite so brave in the ring.
KD: (shouts something incomprehensible in Farsi)
DDP: Seems you've got a mouth on you too, kid.  And you can run it all you want.  But step into the ring with DDP, and I can guarantee you will FEEL.  THE.  BANG.
MH: Hahaha...that's rich, Dallas.  You think you can take both me AND Daivari at the same time?  That's almost as laughable a notion as the idea that you might be able to find a tag team partner stupid enough to join you in the ring opposing the two of us.
DDP: You may laugh.  But not only do I think I can find a tag team partner, I think that I can ask the very next person who walks by to team up with me and kick your ungrateful asses.
KD: (shouts something incomprehensible in Farsi)

While Daivari is shouting, Chris Jericho walks on-camera and pauses in front of him.

CJ: Whoa there, skippy.  Think you could move it to the left a little?  You're standing between Y2J and his bagel.

Everyone turns to stare at Jericho.

CJ: ...What?  Are they out of bagels?
MH: Alright, DDP.  Congratulations.  You've found yourself a tag team partner.  But I certainly hope you're not under the foolish impression that this somehow gives you even the SLIGHTEST chance of defeating myself and Daivari.  See you later, Dallas.

Hassan and Daivari walk off.  DDP glares after them, then walks in the opposite direction.  Jericho just sort of stands there confused.

CJ: That's it.  From this day forward, I never go to the bagels, the bagels will always come to me.

Kane vs. Ernest "The Cat" Miller

Ernest "The Cat" Miller tries to wow the crowd with his funky dance moves, but Kane's pyro interrupts.  A shame.  Looking to get an edge in the match, the Cat had Lamont distract Kane as soon as the bell rang, then jumped Kane from behind.  Kane, however, completely shrugged off the attack, goozled the Cat, and chokeslammed him for the win in a mere 18 seconds.  Somebody call the Cat's momma!

Kane pinned Ernest Miller with the Choke Slam in 0:00:18.
Rating: *

Backstage interviewer-type Sean Edmunds is backstage.  Interviewing.  Jeff Jarrett.

SE: Double J, coming up next, you have a first-round match in the World Heavyweight Title Tournament against none other than the Big Show.  What sort of strategy do you have going into such a challenge?
JJ: What strategy do I have?  What makes you think I need a strategy to beat that big goofy bastard?  Let me tell you something, Sean.  I am the Chosen One.  I am the King of the Mountain.  And most importantly, I am a multiple-time World Heavyweight champion.  You shouldn't be asking me how I plan to deal with the Big Show.  You should be asking the Big Show how he plans to deal with me.  It's like this, Sean.  The bigger they are, the harder they fall.  Now the Big Show may be a tough opponent, but it's not gonna make a lick of difference, because I've still got ALL the Stroke around here.  Now why don't you choke on that, slapnuts?

Jarrett storms off.  Headed to the ring, no doubt.  Edmunds is too busy marveling about the fact that he's finally made it to the big time to be upset that Jarrett just insulted him.

World Heavyweight Title Tournament, First Round: Jeff Jarrett vs. Big Show

Jeff Jarrett got more than he bargained for here.  He said in his interview earlier that he wasn't scared of the Big Show, because "the bigger they are, the harder they fall" or something to that effect.  Jarrett got his shots in during the match, but nothing he did could keep the Big Show down.  Finally, in desperation, Jarrett went for his guitar, but as he swung it at Big Show's head, the giant simply caught the guitar with one hand like it was a toy and ripped it from Jarrett's grasp.  Big Show made like he was going to give Jarrett a taste of his own medicine, and Jarrett said "The hell with this" and fucked off up the entrance ramp, giving Big Show the countout win.  Big Show then demolished Jarrett's guitar to a big crowd pop.

[World Heavyweight Title tournament]:
The Big Show defeated Jeff Jarrett by countout in  0:10:07.
Rating: * 1/2

A probably-unnecessary video package explains why this next match is taking place.

Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari vs. Diamond Dallas Page & Chris Jericho

Well...this was certainly an interesting match.  Chris Jericho seemed less than enthused from the start.  When DDP started a "U.S.A." chant, Jericho, instead of chanting along, yelled at DDP that he was Canadian, not American.  The tension continued to build between DDP and Jericho, with Jericho generally tagging out after only a few seconds in the ring.  DDP was isolated by the heels for several minutes, but finally managed to make the hot tag to Jericho.  Jericho stormed in, got in a few shots, then got trapped in a Daivari wristlock...and IMMEDIATELY tapped out.

Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari defeated Chris Jericho and Diamond Dallas Page when Daivari made Jericho submit to a wristlock in 0:14:42.
Rating: ** 1/4

As Hassan & Daivari left victorious, DDP came into the ring all "WTF?"  Jericho complained about his wrist being sore, overselling as only he can, and when DDP got angry, Jericho kicked him in the balls and started beating the crap out of him!  Jericho ended up locking DDP in the Walls of Jericho, then leaving the ring to the thunderous boos of the crowd!

Sean Edmunds is chilling backstage, trying to figure out what he should do now that he's had his one big interview of the night, when suddenly, his one big interview is back!  Hooray!

JJ: RIDICULOUS!  Did you see what just happened out there?
SE: With...Hassan and Daivari and Jeri--
JJ: NO, you idiot!  With MY match!  It is an absolute TRAVESTY that I had to face the Big Show in the first round of the World Heavyweight Title Tournament!  And as if that weren't bad enough, the referee had the audacity -- the AUDACITY -- to count ME out just for trying to get away from that crazed giant swinging my own guitar at me?  What the HELL kind of business is Paul Heyman running here?  I've got half a mind to--

Who should happen to walk onscreen but John Bradshaw Layfield.  JBL approaches Jarrett.

JBL: Jeff, I don't know about THIS waste of oxygen here, but I saw your match.  And I want you to know that I agree with you one hundred percent.  Your match with Big Show was an absolute miscarriage of justice.
JJ: You're damn right it was!
JBL: And it's an even bigger miscarriage of justice that you're out of the World Heavyweight Title Tournament.  But I've got a plan, Jeff.  See, I don't know what kind of business Paul Heyman thinks he's running here.  But as I'm sure you're aware, I DO know a thing or two about business.  And I think it would be in your best interests AND my best interests if you and I did some business together.
JJ: ...Yeah.  Yeah, I like that idea.
JBL: Come on, let's get out of here.  This loser is starting to depress me.

JBL and Jarrett leave.

SE: ...I'm on TV!

Shawn Michaels vs. Rey Mysterio

What a great match to close out the WWL's first show!  Two heavy fan favorites in Shawn Michaels and Rey Mysterio gave it their all to impress the fans and show what the level of competition in the WWL is really all about.  After a spectacular match, Shawn Michaels missed a flying forearm, landing in the ropes in perfect 619 position.  Rey Mysterio connected with the 619, but when he went for the West Coast Pop, Shawn ducked out of the way.  Rey managed to land on his feet and hit the ground running, but as he rebounded off the ropes to go after Shawn, the Heartbreak Kid managed to land some Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere, then threw himself across Rey's body to get the victory.  After the match, Shawn helped Rey to his feet and raised Rey's arm in a show of respect to close out the first-ever edition of Monday Night Action.

Shawn Michaels pinned Rey Mysterio with the Sweet Chin Music in 0:17:34.
Rating: **** 1/4

GB: That's it for Monday Night Action this week, folks!  Don't forget to check out the inaugural edition of WWL Rush this Sunday evening, and don't EVEN think about missing Action next Monday, where we will see two more matches in the World Heavyweight Title Tournament as the Big Red Machine Kane takes on the bizarre Goldust, and the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels goes one-on-one with Ernest "The Cat" Miller!  I'm Garth Bishop, for the Honky Tonk Man!  GOOD NIGHT!

Card rating: ** 1/2
americamamushiPosted on 04/19/05 at 08:15:07

The World is Not Enough=Best. Name. Ever.  Being that it's where you'll crown you're first world champion, it is a name that fits extremely well.  I'm curious to see if the other Bond movie titles will fit well with whats going on in WWL

Your card is a good read.

Yes, the bagels shall go to Jericho, just as they should. :)  I was almost waiting for Hassan to say "You would want a bagel... wouldn't you..."

Damn that DDP, can't he see that Jericho is obviously injured? *shakes fist violently at screen*

Can't wait for Rush and the next Action
VertigoPosted on 04/19/05 at 20:29:32

I like where WWL is heading. Not an overload of info here, but just enough. I'm hoping JBL goes all the way in the tournament... even though I don't know who else is in it, I'm assuming he'll remain my pick through the entire tournament because I'm such a mark for him.

Best= "Only ** 3/4 for 16 minutes of hot cruiserweight action?  WTF, TNM?"
AllPowerfulGARTHPosted on 04/20/05 at 05:03:34

Haha, enjoy the name "The World Is Not Enough," because that's probably the best one.  A few of my 007-named pay-per-views are stretching the ol' creative license a little, but if I'm lucky, by the time I get to those ones people will have stopped noticing the PPV names and will be focusing only on the sheer and unabashed awesomeness that is a WWL pay-per-view event.  Or something.

And Vertigo, I'll admit that I'm a big JBL mark too.  Trouble is, I specifically picked out a lot of guys for whom I'm a big mark for the league, so JBL doesn't really have that as an advantage.  The "Wrestling God" thing?  That MIGHT help...
rey619Posted on 04/21/05 at 12:25:55

Unbooked or booked? If it is unbooked, you are the genius of turning things to your advantage.

Jericho tapping out to a wristlock in order to turn on DDP, Kane winning in 18 seconds and the Jarrett countout win.

Keep it up, this was a great read.
AllPowerfulGARTHPosted on 04/21/05 at 23:07:47

Well shoot, now that my genius is at stake I want to CLAIM I'm unbooked...but tragically, I'm not.

I book with a style I call "Divine Inspiration" whereby I pick a winner and then restart the match until I get an ending I like.  This is much easier than running unbooked (which has a tendency to completely screw up my angles) but not quite as restrictive as running completely booked (which has a tendency to make me bored).  This way, each match has the chance to succeed entirely on its own terms, but I still have the final say in everything.  I knew I wanted Hassan & Daivari to beat DDP and Jericho, and I knew I was going to have Jericho turn on DDP afterward, but I would have never thought to end it with Jericho tapping to a wristlock...I just took what TNM gave me (after a few restarts) and ran with it.

Kane beating the Cat in 18 seconds happened on the very first try, though, and it was EXACTLY what I was looking for.
Shaun SindelmanPosted on 04/23/05 at 17:55:04

Let's see what's on tap for the first ever match in WWL...

Interesting pairings on both sides of the ring in the 6 man tag match. I cant choose either one since they both have favorites of mine. I will admit that the fans did not show enough appreciation giving this match only 2 3/4 stars.

Wooo - maybe Paul Heyman will bring some of that old school ECW flavor to WWL.

JBL vs Rhyno - shame that JBL advanced. I'm more of a Rhyno fan.

Hahah - DDP and the catering table...classic.

And we have Hassan and Daivari standing their ground against DDP - nice segment so far.

But wait, here comes Jericho to spice it up some more even if it was simply for a bagel. Very nice!

Kane BETTER demolish The Cat because anyone who reads LIW knows how much I DESPISE The Cat. OH YEA - 18 second victory...shweet!

Double J vs The Big Show....gonna go with JJ somehow pulling it off. Guess I was wrong.

Hmm - me thinks Jericho totally screwed DDP over. Good job Ayatollah!

I'm liking this arrangement that JBL and JJ are working up and I don't even know what it is yet. =)

Pretty decent booking for the main event. Good finish from both men.