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RAW and Smackdown! Present: The Royal Rumble 2005!

syxxpakkPosted on 01/30/05 at 19:09:36

-      We LIIIIIIVE for Royal Rumble goodness.

-      Your RAW hosts are J.R. and Jerry Lawler as per usual.

-      Shawn Michaels vs. Edge: First match of the night, and it should be good.  Tie up starts off a series of reversals which leads to (and I know you've been writing to read these words for awhile now): INNNNNNNNNNNNDY APPLAUSE~! ©  Another tie sees Edge gain the upperhand with a headlock.  Nice steady matwork between the two follows with Shawn gaining the upperhand.  However Edge counters a body scissors with a pin for two.  Shawn relents and gives dropkicked at the knee for it.  Great.  The one thing you never want to do in an HBK match these days is give him a weakness to no-sell.  More work on the knee by Edge.  Then we get a prolonged leglock.  Back up and Shawn ducks a clothesline and hits the flying forearm.  /Shawn kips up BUT his knee gives way!  So he sells after all.  Clever bit of psychology too.  Edge quickly returns to the attack.  He uses some standard Bret Hart-type knee psychology.  A couple of suplexes gets two for Edge.  Shawn hits an inside cradle for two, and JR says that "Michaels is uncannily on the defense."  Shawn ducks another clothesline the the Edge-o-cution plants him back to the mat and instead of pinning Edge brags.  The taunting however allots Shawn another pin attempt for two.  Edge walks into a sleeper and Shawn must be tired if he's going to take a rest.  Edge fights back however with a well-placed mulekick and he returns the EDGEPLANT.  Har.  That only gets two.  More legwork now as we return to MASS PSYCHOLOGY.  Extended half crab but Shawn reaches the ropes.  Edge attempts the Figure Four Sharpshooter but Shawn shoves him off with the good leg and to the outside.  Shawn the goes KARAZY with a suicide dive through the ropes onto Edge.  When both men get up Shawn forgets about the leg and walks casually to Edge.  Sigh.  Edge counters an irish whip attempt sending Shawn into and flipping over the steel steps.  Back in the ring and Edge applies the Figure Four Sharpshooter again.  Shawn crawls to the ropes after a lengthy stay however, thus killing any credibility that submission move ever had.  Edge clotheslines Shawn down and waits for the spear.  Shawn leapfrogs it though, again forgetting the knee, and Edge hits the turnbuckle.  Shawn bodyslams Edge.  Shawn goes up top and hits a PERFECT elbowdrop, but it only gets two.  Shawn tunes up the band but Edge ducks the superkick and DRILLS THE FUCK out of Shawn with the spear.  Edge is to zonked out for the pin attempt though.  Both men stagger up and Edge SPEARS the fuck out of Shawn AGAIN.  Cover after that for three at 20:30.  (****¾)  Great fucking match.  Plenty of psychology, a hot finish, just a great match.  If Shawn would of sold the knee the whole way through, this would have been perfect.  Nevertheless, strong effort put forth by both and Edge should be cemented as a main event after WM21.  And that's definitely on the list of "Greatest Openers Ever" with Pillman/Liger and so forth.

-      But BACKSTAGE Triple H and Ric Flair convene in privacy over Batista's intentions for the Rumble.

-      Supercoolvideo package detailing the amazingness of the Heidenreich/Undertaker feud.

-      Your Smackdown! Hosts are, amazingly enough, Michael Cole and Tazz.

-      Heidenreich vs. The Undertaker (Casket Match): Oh boy.  Let the fun begin.  Heidenreich attacks Taker from behind to start.  Bunch of power punches and stuff.  Heidenreich sends Taker into the ropes and right away Taker nails the almost-flipping-clothesline.  Taker starts pounding away on Heidenreich afterwards.  Taker boots Heidenreich down, but he can't get him in the casket.  Cole conveniently informs us that the winner will be in the Rumble.  Heidenreich starts choking Taker, but Taker will have none of that as he starts pounding away on Heidenreich some more.  Heidenreich gets bodyslammed, then Taker drops a leg across his throat.  Heidenreich still won't go in the casket though.  Taker bodyslams him again.  Heidenreich ducks a running clothesline and hits the spinning Bossman slam.  Taker gives it maybe five seconds before sitting up however, and then chokeslams Heidenreich.  Heidenreich is still just there enough to not go in the casket, so Taker tombstones him and that, ahem, seals the coffin at 12:17.  (*1/4)  That was what we call a "squash."  Man, I hope they had no intentions of using Heidenreich as a credible force after this.

-      Backstage Interviewing Time as Benoit talks with the Todd about lasts year entry, and how Benoit thinks he'll fare this year.  Benoit says he has plenty of surprises.

-      More backstage stuff as Batista and Orton have a glaredown.

-      Recap of Big Show vs Team Cabinet.  

-      JBL © vs Kurt Angle vs Big Show (WWE Title Match): JBL and Angle are apparently in the mood for double teaming the Big Show, but neither man can agree on when to attack.  Funny bit sees both men start to attack and then both pull back expecting the other to be demolitionized.  Big Show finallys clotheslines both men down.  Angle is first up and he gets headbutted.  Then JBL.  Another set of clotheslines and the heels go outside to converse.  This time however JBL outsmarts Angle by punching him and sending him to Big Show.  Big Show press slams Angle.  Angle gets booted down.  Bradshaw attacks Big Show from behind but it doesn't faze him.  It does, however, allot Angle enough time to chopblock the Big Show.  Bradshaw immediately starts stomping away on the Big Show, so Angle German suplexes him.  Angle covers Big Show but only gets one.  Angle goes to work on Big Show's leg.  Tazz gets off a good one: "You know, I could make a metaphor about Angle chopping down a tree, but I'm not an idiot named J.R."  Cole reveals that Tazz will be doing PBP for the Rumble with JR.  Awesome, they rocked last year.    Bradshaw attacks Angle from behind, killing the brilliance of Angle/Bradshaw vs Big Show in a triple threat match.  Bradshaw and Angle start doing some sloppy brawling while Big Show lays unconscious following a devastating kick to the leg.  Or something.  Bradshaw hits a fallaway slam on Angle for two.  Big Show finally manages to attack JBL, from behind, and tosses him into the corner.  JBL dodges a bodysplash but gets hit with an overhead belly to belly by Angle.  Angle goes to work on the leg of the Big Show some more.  More sloppy brawling, this time between Angle and Show.  Big Show tries to press slam Angle again, but Angle rolls down a German suplexes the Big man.  JBL covers because Angle is worn out, and it only gets two.  Angle counters a CLOTHESLINE FROM HADES with an Angle Slam, in a moment of beauty, but gets CHOKESLAMMED TO HADES by the Big Show out of nowhere and ELIMINATED at 13:43.  Well there went any hope of this being a good match.  Angle staggers around and gets chokeslammed again for good measure.  This allots Bradshaw sneak attack time, which he gainfully takes advantage of.  More of the same old same old from Bradshaw, a whole lotta clubbin' that'd make Dusty cream his pants.  Bradshaw controls with a VICIOUS rear chinlock.  For some reason here come the Bashams, while Bradshaw is in control of the match, which probably means Big Show will come close to winning only to lose because of interference or win by DQ.  Big Show fights up, getting the crowd into it actually, lifts Bradshaw up and falls backwards crushing YOUR WWE champion.  It only gets two though.  Big Show whips Bradshaw into the ropes, and gets caught in a sleeper cause he's an idiot.  This drags on and they repeat the exact same fall-backwards-spot.    Big Show drops a leg over Bradshaw this time, again for only two.  Some punchy stuff from the Big Show and a headbutt puts Bradshaw in the corner.  Big Show charges in but JBL yanks a ref in for the impact.  Of course JBL still feels the impact, just the ref does too.  Big Show cusses because the ref and JBL are out.  And the Bashams enter the ring.  AHEM.  They both attack Big Show, and for their efforts get double chokeslammed.  Unfortunately for Big Show however, Orlando Jordan shows up out of nowhere and nail him with the ring bell.  That staggers the Big Show, which allows a CLOTHESLINE FROM HADES by JBL to get the pin fall at 20:42.  (*¾)  That certainly blew.  The Cabinet continue their assault on Big Show, but he AMAZINGLY FIGHTS THEM OFF.  This probably means Big Show vs Bradshaw again at No Way Out.  I hate myself.

-      John Cena raps about winning the Rumble.  Edge tells him he's an idiot.  YAY.

-      Shawn is pissed he lost.

-      Ric Flair cuts a great fucking promo about winning the Rumble.  Only Ric Flair could make winning the Rumble, while not using it for the WM main event, sound like it makes sense.

-      Recap of Randy Orton/Triple H spectacularness.

-      Randy Orton vs Triple H © (World Title Match): They size each other up first.  Lots of chain wrestling leads tooooooooooo (twice in one night!) INDDDDDDDDDDDDY APPLAUSE~! ©  Orton "outwrestles" Triple H, gaining the advantage with Hold #462 ARMbar.  Triple H counters with a wristlock but Orton counters THAT with Hold #732 armBAR.  Yep, stealing jokes.  More chain wrestling and this time Triple H wins with a backslide for two.  Triple H doesn't give Orton time to gain his composure as he attacks him from behind rather quickly.  Triple H utilizes a bunch of clubbin' forearms and then a belly-to-back suplex.  This is followed by a series of suplexes and a cover for two.  JR calls Orton a "lionheart."  Jericho was not available for comment, but is expected to sue for copyright infringement.  Orton ducks a clothesline and dropkicks Triple H, so hard that Triple H rolls outside.  Orton then amazes me with a over-the-top-rope plancha onto Triple H!  Orton whips Trips into the rail.  Triple H however backdrops Orton into the crowd.  He then suplexes Orton over the railing onto the outside of the ring.  Triple H breaks the count (I love when heels do that) by rolling in and out.  Triple H whips Orton into the steel steps.  Triple H then attempts to spear Orton into the ringpost, but Orton slides off and slams Triple H into it.  And then as Trips staggers back Orton slams him into it again!  Orton breaks the count this time, and takes a breather as Triple H is BLOODIED OPEN BABY.  Orton goes back outside and suplexes Triple H onto the concrete.  He finally rolls Triple H.  Orton goes up top and flies off with a nice crossbody that only gets two.  Belly-to-back suplex by Orton only gets two.  Then comes that WONDERFUL rear chinlock.  Triple H escapes eventually with a well placed thumb to the eye.  Orton ducks a clothesline but falls victim to the high knee.  That only gets two for Trips.  Triple H spinerbusters is countered by a TORNADO DDT.  Orton too exhausted for the cover, as he continues to impress.  Finally he does but it only gets two.  Triple H is bleeding hardcore.  Orton tries a piledriver but Trips backdrops him outside again.  Ric Flair distracts the ref inside the ring, allowing Trips the opportunity to blast Orton with the World title belt.  That of course busts Orton open.  Back in the ring and Orton backdrops Triple H, countering a Pedigree attempt.  Triple H shoves Orton off of an RKO attempt and hits the faceplant with the knee for two.  Triple H tries a figure four but gets rolled up for two.  And then they double clothesline each other which brings about the long, drawn out 10 count.  Triple H stirs up around 6 and gets rolled AGAIN by Orton for two.  Both men up but Orton gets the advantage in some fist fighting.  He backs Triple H into a corner and successfully superplexes him for two.  Triple H lowblows Orton however and nails the Pedigree out of nowhere but RIC FLAIR DRAGS THE REFEREE OUT OF THE RING?!  Triple H is pissed off and he turns around into an RKO which pops the crowd like mad.  Orton covers as the ref comes too and gets the three count and World title at 24:28.  (***¾)  Not a horrible match by any means, and if you're get the tape you might as well watch it.  Orton celebrates with Flair, crazily enough.  Triple H finally comes too to see Orton and Flair celebrating, while JR tries to make sense of this "CRAZY BETRAYAL."  Crowd is, of course, going nuts for this (and with good reason) so one can only hope that Vince & Co. weren't attempting a double turn.

-      Ha.  Series of short promos from 8 or so guys about the Rumble, kinda like they did back in the day.

-      Royal Rumble: #1 is Rene Dupree and #2 is Gene Snitsky.  Snitsky pretty much dominates Dupree, but is unsuccessful on most attempts at eliminating him.  #3 is Simon Dean.  Double teaming by Dupree/Dean on Snitsky fails and following a hotshot, Snitsky eliminates Dupree.  Kenzo Suzuki is #4.  Kenzo tries to help Dean against Snitsky unsuccessfully.  The result is pretty bad brawling.  Scotty 2 Hotty is #5.  I guess the idea is to get rid of the dead weight early on?  Scotty comes close to ridding us of Dean, but is unsuccessful.  However Snitsky hits everyone with running big boots.  He then tosses out the, so far, only face to be in the Rumble, eliminating Scotty 2 Hotty.  Hardcore Holly is #6.  I'm about to go to sleep.  Lots of ugly brawling, crowd isn't into it too much.  Chris Jericho is #7 and that gets the crowd kicking.  He beats up a lot of people, including Snitky.  Dean almost gets eliminated again, this time by Holly, but no dice.  Daniel Puder is #8.  Holly charges Jericho, and gets frankensteinered out for his efforts.  Crowd EXPLODES for Batista at #9.  I mean FUCK that was a great reaction.  Batista beats the SHIT out of Simon Dean, then Kenzo Suzuki.  Jericho almost gets eliminated, but slides back in.  #10 is Rey Misterio.  Rey somersaults in on to Snitsky.  Snitsky almost out but no dice.  #11 is Booker T.  Lots of guys in the ring.  Rey Rey Jr. manages to shove Suzuki out.  Viscera is #12.  Jericho tries to eliminate Snitsky, but Booker pushes both of them over and only Snitsky hangs on.  Kane is #13 and him and Snitsky go at it.  Rey tries to eliminate Dean, and almost gets eliminated himself but no thing happens.  Batista tries to rid us of Viscera to no end.  Eddie Guerrero is #14 and the ring is getting PACKED.  Kane CHOKESLAMS Snitsky out of the ring.  He turns around and Eddie HEADSCISSORS Kane out.  Kane and Snitsky brawl on the outside.  Coach is #15.  Simon Dean backdrops Puder out.  John Cena gets the second biggest pop of the night at #16.  And right away he eliminates Coach.  Misterio FINALLY eliminates Simon Dean.  Charlie Haas is #17.  Booker T and Eddie try to eliminate Viscera, but no use.  Batista almost gets Misterio out, but Misterio stays in.  Muhammad Hassan is #18, and gets the biggest heel reaction of the night.  Eddie and Booker give up on Viscera, and Eddie out-of-nowhere tosses Booker out.  Tazz gets off another good one, in retort to JR (JR has spouted the "every man for himself" several times), "I'm glad you mentioned that because for a second I forgot."  Paul London is #19.  He's my pick, for those keeping score.  Lots of action going on.  Hurricane is #20.  There's a lot of people in there and some eliminations need doing.  Shawn Michaels is #21.  Nobody gone yet.  Ric Flair is #22.  Yay for continuity as JR mentions this is Flair's best Rumble pick yet.  Luther Reigns is #23.  Shawn tosses out the Hurricane.  Shawn the superkicks Luther out.  Mark Jindrak is #24.  This is getting kind of ridiculous.  Undertaker is #25.  Batista presslams Ric Flair out!  Batista then tosses out Muhammad Hassan.  Finally, house cleaning.  And then Batista tosses Jindrak.  Christian is #26.  Wow.  Spot of the night goes too: Undertaker tries to chokeslam Paul London out, but London locks on a sort of armbar with his legs, and yanks Taker over the ropes while holding on the bottom.  JR goes spastic over this of course.  London freaks out cause he eliminated the Undertaker, by himself.  That allows John Cena the opportunity to eliminate him.  Taker stares little Paul down but then walks off.  Shelton Benjamin is #27.  Lots of close calls, elimination wise, but nothing.  Orlando Jordan is #28.  Batista almost eliminates Viscera again.  Edge is #29 (which means, brilliantly enough, Benoit is #30) and IMMEDIATELY eliminates Shawn Michaels.  Chris Benoit is, of course, #30.  Viscera tosses out Orlando Jordan.  Benoit and Batista try to eliminate Viscera however.  Edge does the standard pull-the-rope-down-on-charging-opponent which eliminates Christian.  Benoit and Edge square off, like wise Eddie and Cena.  Batista FINALLY eliminates Viscera, all by himself.  We're over the hour mark, by the way.  Benoit counters an Eddie frankensteiner, and eliminate Eddie.

-      FINAL FOUR: John Cena, Chris Benoit, Batista, and Edge.  Cena and Benoit square off, as do Edge and Batista.  JR comments on the lack of SD stars in the ring.  Cena ducks a Benoit clothesline, and in turn clotheslines Benoit out.  Batista is of course the powerhouse so Edge and Cena double team him.  They almost eliminate him several times but no luck.  Batista double clotheslines them both but he's exhausted (he has, after all set a BIG FUCKING record for RRs, being in there for closing on 75 minutes now).  Cena manages to hit Batista with an F-U and tries to eliminate him, but Edge sends Cena out from behind.  Edge works over Batista and attempts a spear but somehow Batista counters with a STIFF powerslam.  Following that he tosses Edge out at 1:29:01.  Which, I believe, makes this the longest Rumble to date.  Batista is a fucking hoss let me tell you.  He was in there for 80 damn minutes, or 1-hour and 20 minutes.  **** easily, almost 5 but there was periods where that were just too many in the ring.  Batista celebrates and JR has an orgasm pretty much.

-      Final Thoughts: Definitely not a bad show by any means.  Hot, HOT opener.  SD! almost killed it but Orton/HHH picked things up, and the Rumble was damn good.  I'm kind of amazed that the prospect of Batista vs Orton at WM21, but I'm sure HHH will weasel his way in there.  I give this PPV (***¾), worth a rental if you've seen everything else on the shelf.



americamamushiPosted on 01/30/05 at 19:51:40

Interesting format.  I like it.  It's different from what everyone else is doing.  I must admit that I skimmed over the larger sections (though that probably just cause I'm not really in a 'reading' mood at the moment) but I definently like the smark dirtsheet presentation.  Didn't see the Flair turn coming.  Curious to see if now Batista will stay with Triple H after winning the rumble or he'll still keep on the hinted toward path of leaving.  Of course, maybe the whole thing with Flair is a clever ruse as well, but I don't think Triple H would see the logic in a plan that has him lose the title.