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DWF 22/07/07 - King of the Ring

91Posted on 11/11/04 at 22:27:10

Card Information:
Held in: RICHFIELD COLISEUM
Location: OHIO, UNITED STATES
Date/Time: 22/07/07 at 8:00pm
Matches/Interviews booked: 24
Arena Capacity: 10000
Attendance: 10000
A Sold Out Arena.
Ticket Buy Rate: 100%
PPV ratings: 3.6%
Approximently Viewers: 5400000

Before the show opens, we go to some pre-recorded comments from some of the
participants in tonights King of the Ring tournament...

***

Lance Storm: "Tonight is the ultimate test in endurance for any wrestler, to compete
in and win three matches against the finest the DWF has to offer. But on this
occasion, the man with the momentum is me, Lance Storm. The pride of Canada, the man
who left Steve Corino with a reminder of what it's like to go toe to toe with me
every time he looks in mirror, it's time that the King of the Ring crown came home."

***

Paul Roma: "There's not a wrestler alive more demonic and devilish than me. With my
Mean Street Posse backing me, we shall turn this tournament into a throne of worship
where I shall forever be king of Hades and lord on the inferno and as long as I don't
have to go up against Scott Putski, my terrible torture shall overcome all."

***

Joey Matthews: "Officer York, tell me something, we've solved many mysteries in our
time, the grassy knoll gunman, the truth about Roswell, the whereabouts of Vince
Russos beard, but this is a puzzle that I'll need your help solving... who shall be
the King of the Ring?"

Christian York: "Why that's an easy one, the man with the skills, the super sluething
brains and the ability to work out how to beat any opponent, YOU Inspector Joey."

Matthews: "I thought as much. And Jody Fleisch, when I'm done winning this
tournament, we have something for you which I'm sure will be of GREAT interest to
Commissioner Matt Hardy..."

***

Hunter Hearst Helmsley: "In wrestling, there are giants, there are politicians, there
are athletes of great speed, but only one man with blood blue enough to deserve the
honour of the title 'King'. I am a former world champion, and far classier than the
opposition. Though I shall have to lower my impressive standards to a level worthy
enough to wrestle such uncouth filth, I am willing to do what it takes to win this
tournament and once again become heavyweight champion of the world."

***

John Cena: "Forget what you hear from the rest, there's only one ability needed to
win this tournament, and that's pure evil. King of the Ring, this is MY event. Two
years ago, I won the tag team titles in just my fifth ever match in the DWF and last
year, I left King of the Ring as the uncrowned heavyweight champion of the world. But
forget history, this evil doer has done all that's necessary to secure victory, don't
listen to what that retard Paul Roma has to say, I'm the only source of evil in this
tournament, matter of fact, I stole his candelabras earlier and sold them to buy
some spray paint to vandalise Lance Storms car, then I went to Larry Zbyszkos house
and threw the empty can through his bedroom window, so he'll have gotten no sleep and
be in no shape to win this tournament. And just to make sure of first round victory,
I broke into Joey Matthews house and stole his jar gripping device so whenever he
fancies some pickles, he'll have to open the bottles with his bare hands, and they'll
really hurt when he faces me and I can capitalise on the injury. Your King of the
Ring is now a sure fire thing, it's going to be a reign of evil."

***

Jonathan Coachman: "Hi everybody, I'm the Coach, Jonathan Coachman - THE COACH! Hi
everybody. I'm here with the next King of the Ring, Larry Z!"

Larry Zbyszko: "Not since a gruelling match in 1980 with a young...er Bruno
Sammartino have I been presented with such hurdles full of endurance. But just like
the afore mentioned match in 1980 with Bruno Sammartino on a cold night in the Shea
Stadium, I am on the top of my game, prepared to beat my opponents like bad eggs and
shoot them into next week on a one way trip on the Larry Zbyszko super-ride of fun.
Your next King of the Ring is me, the 1980 rookie of the year, Larry Zbyszko, and
with the Coach at my side, I can't lose."

***

Sean O'Haire: "Doubtless you'll have heard the promises of seven other individuals
before this tournament, proclaiming triumph before they can secure the crown, but ask
yourself why they choose to do this. Is it confidence, or is it covering up for their
own inhibitions? Hunter Hearst-Helmsley, my first round opponent, claims to be an
upper class snob. Is he, or is he just living grandeurs of delusion, pre-King of the
Ring, believing to be king before he even is, in the same patterns of King Kanyon?
Perhaps John Cena, a man who claims to be evil, perhaps as an excuse for never being
accepted as a good guy, sat at the front in school, picked last in gym, he resorts to
trying to be a bad guy to get back at the world. Larry Zbyszko, looking to bring back
the old school mentality to cover up his senility in years, despite the fact that the
only thing that needs covering up is his bald spot. No, such competition is tough,
but with distraction plaguing their mind, there can only be one winner, there can
only be Sean O'Haire..."

***

The opening title sequence rolls and we head to the ring where Chris Jericho makes
his entrance four our opening Quarter Final match. Receiving a decent pop, Jericho
grabs a mic.

Jericho: "Ohio, welcome to JERICHO of the Ring! And welcome to the night where Y2J
realises the dream of all the Jericoholics and captures the King of the Ring crown.
Now Larry Showaddywaddy, you are the man who stands between me and the semi final.
All I've been hearing from you since you entered the DWF is about your match in 1980.
I spent all last night studying that match and it wasn't until the third viewing that
my wife pointed out to me that I had put on Jurassic Park by mistake. But not to
worry, your dinosaur old school tactics will be no match for whay Y2J has in store
for you."

Jericho hands back the mic as Larry Zbyszko makes his entrance, with Coach at his
side.

Chris Jericho vs Larry Zbyszko (KOTR Quarter final)

The King of the Ring tournament got underway with Larry Zbyszko taking on Chris
Jericho. Two men on top of their game, they gave everything to one another in a bid
to reach the next round. Zbyszko did a good job trying to ground Jericho, but Jericho
isn't a former world champion for nothing. Soon Jericho began taking control and
hitting several signature moves. One spinning heel kick later and Larry was down.
Quickly, Jericho lept onto the ropes for the Lionsault only for Coach on the outside
to grab his ankle. Jericho jumped down and said something to Coach, but the brief
distraction was enough, as Larry grabbed Jericho and cradled him up for three.
Suffice to say, the duo of Larry and Coach didn't hang around and made a sharp exit
as Jericho looked on in disgust. Check off another major victory for Larry. ** 3/4

As Larry makes a quick exit to celebrate his win, we go backstage to Sean Mooney.

Mooney: "Hi, I'm Sean Mooney and this interview will be broadcast live on DWF Pancake
Intensity, the hottest new sh..."

Chris Benoit: "Can it Mooney before I pull your arm out of your socket and make you
squeal. Masato Tanaka, you were nothing more than a third man in Triple Threat,
making up the numbers after I got rid of that washed up old hasbeen, Shane Douglas.
Last month was a one off, a fluke, but tonight I will make you beg for mercy and
remember your place because the Crippler is taking no prisoners tonight."

We head back to the ring where Paul Roma, in his big black cloak and big black nails,
followed by the similarly dressed Mean Street Posse, have made their way to the ring.
Rodney grabs a mic and holds it up to Roma.

Roma: "I, the greater power, am about to lead my dark minions into a new age of
terror and darkness. Fear me mere mortals because when I win the King of the Ring, I
shall rule the eternal planes with a..."

Luckily for all of us, the house lights come back on and Lance Storms entrance
interrupts Paul Romas spiel so we can get our second quarter final underway.

Lance Storm vs Paul Roma (KOTR Quarter Final)

Our next quarter final saw Lance Storm against Paul Roma. Obvious, right? Perhaps
not, with Pete Gas and Rodney mulling around ringside, chanting and holding up
lighters, there was always the threat of another match marred by interference. On
this occasion though, not really. Bar a brief flurry of punches early on by Roma,
followed by an attempted Irish whip that was reversed, Storm controlled the match.
Taking Roma down, Gas and Rodney sensed danger and took it in turns to jump onto the
apron. Storm nailed them both with hard rights and slapped on the Maple Leaf. Roma
had no choice but to quickly tap, and Storm advanced. ***

We go backstage to Michael Cole.

Cole: "Jeff Hardy, you stand here besides one of the most dominant men in DWF history
as you and this man, Don Muraco, go up against the formidable team of Jerry Lynn and
Raven in what will be a no disqualifications match."

Hardy: "This is true, and on this special night, what better than a special haiku to
celebrate the occasion?"

Muraco and Cole glance nervously at one another.

Hardy: "Raven and Lynn fall
Sweeping in the desert sun
My hair is turquoise"

Cole: "Ummm, riveting. Don Muraco, your thoughts on this match?"

Muraco: "No holds barred suits me down to the ground. In two months I have defeated
both men without breaking sweat, tonight I intend to prove that I can beat both Raven
and the supposedly great Jerry Lynn at the same time in an environment which suits
me and me alone. If tonight is the night that I have to prove to Jeffs lesser
brother Matt that I am the most dominant force who ever set foot inside a wrestling
ring and that I am the only man deserving of the title of heavyweight champion of
the world, then it'll have to be done. Matt Hardy, remember this, once I beat BOTH
of the DWFs pride and joy fan favourites, there's only thing left for me to do."

Cole: "A confident Don Muraco ready for action with his manager Jeff Hardy, but for
now let's head back to the ring."

Back out in the ring John Cena is making his entrance and we quickly rejoin our
announce team for the upcoming match.

"Inspector" Joey Matthews vs "Unnecessarily Evil" John Cena (KOTR Quarter Final)

Joey Matthews took on John Cena in a fast paced quarter final match. Matthews gave
Cena quite a scare on several occasions as in such a match of speed, the advantage
lay with him. Still, while Cena is unnecessarily evil, sometimes his actions are
dictated by necessity. After Matthews caught the ref with an erant elbow which dazed
him momentarily, Cena was quick to use the opportunity by catching Matthews with a
low blow. One Eighth Deadly Sin later and Cena advanced to round two. ***

We go backstage to Sean Mooney.

Mooney: "Earlier today on DWF Pancake Intensity, I caught an exclusive interview with
Scott Putski and his wife, and as soon as the police let me have it back, we'll have
it right here on King of the Ring. In the mean time, I could only get an interview
with the cruiserweight champion, Low Ki."

Ki: "The hell are you on?"

Mooney: "So Low Ki, what's on your mind? And please bear in mind that this will be
broadcast later tonight on my special syndicated show."

Ki: "What channel?"

Mooney: "FUCK YOU, I WAS NEVER IN THE WWF!! EVEN THOSE HONEYMOON TAPES WERE FIXED!"

Ki: "Ummm, I want to make an open challenge to all the cruiserweights of the DWF.
Since I won this title, it seems like everyone has been too afraid to step forward
and take me on but I want more challengers and I..."

Low Ki is interrupted by Chavo Classic walking on shot.

Chavo: "Low Ki, I have bad news, it's your friend Kid Kash."

Ki: "What, what's happened... what have you done?"

Chavo: "He was... EATEN!"

Ki: "What? You're lying."

This lie is good enough to distract Low Ki long enough as Mando Guerrero jumps Low Ki
from behind and lays him down on the floor before stealing the cruiserweight belt
and running off with his brother. Low Ki is dazed but quickly back to his feet, and
quickly gives chase.

Back in the ring, Hunter Hearst-Helmsley has entered and, after curtsying a few
times, grabs a mic.

Helmsley: "What the DWF needs..."

Helmsley pauses as the booing subsides.

Helmsley: "What the DWF needs is a man of class and distinction leading it, a man who
can front the company with a little breeding so it is only right that I, the
classiest and probably richest guy in the DWF, should be crowned King."

Sean O'Haires music hits up, bringing a welcome relief to Helmsleys snobbish remarks
as we rejoin the announce team for the final quarter final match.

Sean O'Haire vs Hunter Hearst-Helmsley (KOTR Quarter Final)

The final quarter final match was perhaps the most intriguing as former champion
Hunter Hearst-Helmsley took on the rising potential of Sean O'Haire. O'Haire has been
one of the hottest stars of the last year and was quick to overpower Helmsley at
every turn. Helmsley is a shrewd one in the ring and was pulling hair, grabbing
tights and holding ropes wherever he could. It all boiled down to two Pedigree
attempts. The first one was countered by O'Haire with a backdrop. The second was
countered again as O'Haire grabbed the legs to drop Hunter to the mat and delivered
a slingshot that sent Hunter face first into the mat. O'Haire was on a charge now,
hitting three big lariats, followed by a huge press slam that sent Helmsley crashing
to the canvas. With no hope left for Hunter, O'Haire went up top and delivered the
Seanton Bomb for the victory. ** 3/4

After a quick commercial for DWF merchandise (including Ken Shamrock slippers, Chavo
Guerrero toothpaste and Test P45's) we return to the ring where Matt Hardy makes his
entrance. Entering the ring, he wastes no time in taking a mic.

Hardy: "Thankyou for turning up here tonight, as commissioner, it always fills me
with such joy to see such a good turnout for one of my shows. But let's get down to
business. First of all, we have four men left in the King of the Ring tournament,
John Cena, Sean O'Haire, Lance Storm and Larry Zbyszko, one of them will be facing
whomever the DWF champion is at our next Pay-Per-View, Ultimate Annihlation, so if
this tournament wasn't important enough already, it's now of critical importance to
these four individuals.

But speaking of next months event, it will feature a second tournament, but this one
is a little different. This one will be a tag team tournament, unlike no other in
DWF history, it will be the return of a classic concept from years past, with a prize
of one MILLION dollars to be split between the winners, it will be the WORLD CUP OF
WRESTLING!"

As Hardy beams at that announcement, Jody Fleisch' music hits up and the man from
Walthamstowe, England, makes his entrance, mic in hand. Matt Hardy, for once, doesn't
look too disappointed to see him.

Fleisch: "Let me get this straight. In the last three years that you've been
commissioner, you've started off by coming up with bad ideas, then you started
stealing ideas, now you're stealing bad ideas, from WCW no less? What the hell is
wrong with you Hardy?"

Hardy: "Jody my good man, I'm actually glad to have you here for once. See, I
anticipated something like this, you can't bear it that I'm out here providing
something new for the fans."

Fleisch: "New? Matt, if I were commissioner, which Shane McMahon REALLY ought to be
considering right now, I wouldn't be presenting rehashed concepts like this, I'd be
putting out new and exciting ideas, matches we haven't seen before, new guys being
pushed to the top and more stars created, maybe the odd midget match. Now I admit
that the prize money is a good incentive, but come on, who's going to buy this junk
as good television?"

Hardy: "I'm sorry to hear that you're not keen on it Jody, because I was going to
offer YOU a place in the tournament."

Fleisch: "Y... you were?"

Fleisch looks a little caught off guard by Hardy even giving him any sort of
opportunity.

Hardy: "Hey, who else would I want representing Team England in the World Cup? It's
only fitting. You up for it?"

Fleisch: "Well... yeah, yeah I am... what's the catch?"

Hardy: "Two catches... three if you include the fact that as far as I'm concerned,
you're agreement to enter this tournament is legally binding and if you back out, I
will have you fired."

Fleisch: "Forget that Hardy, what's the REAL catch?"

Hardy: "Well, you'll be teaming up with your... good pal, Dynamite Kid."

Fleisch: "WHAT?!? That guy? We've got a country full of great athletes and you force
me to team up with the one guy I can't stand?"

Hardy: "It gets better. See, the champion will have a responsibility to defend his
title at Ultimate Annihlation against whichever man wins the King of the Ring, and
if Dynamite Kid regains the title tonight, which I suspect he might now that as of
this moment, Steve Corino is BARRED from ringside, you'll have just four weeks to
find yourself an alternative partner."

Fleisch doesn't look thrilled at this, realising he's in a sticky predicament now.

Hardy: "Suffice to say you'll be barred from ringside for that one too. But hey, you
boys, whomever you're with, will get the chance to score a little revenge on your
nemesis', Team Germany. Alex Wright, I'll leave it up to you to find a partner."

Fleisch: "So now we might not even have time to prepare for a specific opponent?"

Hardy: "Doesn't it just keep getting better Jody? You know, there's a lot you could
do for half a million Jody. You could buy a house, you could run a Superbowl
commercial, you could even run your own show. It's a pity you'll never know. But I'm
sure one of the other seven teams will have a chance. Team Canada, Team Mexico, Team
Japan, Russia, France or perhaps Team America. I will personally select a team for
the United States tomorrow night and a legend in the sport of wrestling, Marty
Goldstein, will be on the show later tonight to select the Canadian entrants."

Fleisch: "Boy Hardy, you've had some dumb ideas, but this one tops the lot."

Hardy: "The only dumb idea we've had between us is when you decided to try and put
me out of comission, but The Young Lions might have some bad news for you. They've
been doing some investigating and they reckon they might have found some evidence
on that concrete block which will incriminate you once and for all."

Fleisch: "Fine, try and find something, but I guarentee you won't find anything."

Hardy: "And I guarentee that your days in the DWF are about to get unbearable before
they get numbered."

Hardy leaves the ring with a smug look on his face while Fleisch looks ever so
slightly frustrated as we go to a quick merchandise commercial (Kid Kash wallpaper).

Masato Tanaka vs Chris Benoit

Chris Benoit and Masato Tanaka battled it out to settle their differences once and
for all. Surprisingly, Tanaka proved he really could match Benoit hold for hold and
kept up with him throughout the match, forcing Benoit time and time again to switch
tactics. Mat wrestling didn't work, big moves didn't work, Benoit had to brawl his
way through and still Tanaka kept coming. Once again, as we saw last month, Tanaka
was thinking fast and used a lapse of concentration from Benoit to hook the Crippler
Crossface. Benoit screamed out in pain, but was able to grab the ropes. Tanaka was
on a roll and headed up top. Whatever it was he was trying to hit, he missed and
Benoit relaxed again, sensing victory. Looming in for the Crossface, Tanaka took
Benoit down again with an armbar, and Benoit knew where this was headed. Blocking the
potential Crossface attempt, he covered up his head, only for Tanaka to grab his legs
and hook on a Sharpshooter. Benoit cried out again and fought with all his might.
Finally with one last burst of adrenaline, he managed to force Tanaka off and roll
over. Tanaka didn't let up, delivering some stomps and diving chops, then re-applied
the Sharpshooter, with Benoit nowhere near the ropes. One last flash of energy didn't
help Benoit and he was forced to tap, drawing a big pop from the capacity crowd. **** 1/4

We go backstage to Michael Cole.

Cole: "Raven, Jerry Lynn, I spoke with your opponents earlier, and up next you two
square off against Jeff Hardy and the awesome Don Muraco."

Raven: "It seems like we've been here before. Art often imitates life and I find
myself constantly going around in circles, arriving right back where we left off last
month all over again. And it still eats Muraco up that no matter how much he hurts me
or how many times he beats me, I'm still the one man to have put down his shoulders
for three seconds. As for Jeff Hardy, the clueless putz that he is, there's no
contest there. Jeff Hardy was the man four or five years ago when the Hardys were
tag team champions, but he's nothing more than a glorified coattail rider these days.
Me and Jerry, there's something deeper there, a unique connection in the way we think
and how we operate in the squared circle. It's a combination that will lead on to
big things tonight..."

Lynn: "See Muraco, we understand that you have made a name for yourself by beating
the both of us in successive months and what I have offered people like you for many
years now was the opportunity to do exactly that. But ask yourself Muraco, now you've
achieved the feat of beating me and putting yourself on an even higher pedestal than
ever before, where can you go from here? Do you feel engripped by emptiness in the
knowledge that indeed, your life has peaked and from here, the bumpy road leads only
downwards? And yet there's one chance to remedy that. Defeat for you tonight may be
the best thing that has ever happened to you. Matt Hardy, in his self believed
infinite wisdom has decreed that you will never wear the gold of the world title, the
highest echelon in this sport, and now you've pulled off the masterstroke of not one
but TWO victories consecutively like you have, there is nowhere else to go. Don, for
all your abilities, nothing you can do can save you, it is all about what we do on
this night. You can hit rock bottom and in doing so reach your highest point, or you
could do the exact opposite and never be the same again. Ask yourself Don, is this
where you want your life to lead? When your out there in that ring tonight, ask
yourself that very question because the path to greatness is only a win or a defeat
away, depending on where you look and who you ask. Believe, Don, because that's all
you can do now."

Lynn lowers his head as he and Raven walk off as we head back to the ring.

Jerry Lynn & Raven vs Don Muraco & Jeff Hardy (no holds barred)

One of the most anticipated matches of the year was the big tag team clash between
Raven & Jerry Lynn and Don Muraco & Jeff Hardy. It failed to disappoint. Lynn was his
usual intense self, Muraco was the powerful influence, Raven wily yet devastating
and even Jeff Hardy looked like his old self, snapping up advantages in a moments
notice to hit a big high flying move. Hardy still received the brunt of the
punishment from the Lynn/Raven team as they wisely singled him out, but with the no
DQ rules, it quickly spilled into a fourway brawl on a semi-permanent basis. Often
it spilled to the outside and soon Lynn and Raven were forced to double team Muraco
at every turn just to neutralise his presence as best they could, often resulting in
Jeff hitting a move on one of them from behind. All manner of objects at ringside
were flung into the equation, which may have aided the Lynn/Raven team more as they
found the effectiveness of using a steel chair to slow Muraco down and send him to
the mat. Muraco was always equal to it and was throwing around his foes whenever it
came down to one on one, but Lynn began working his way round this, matching him with
his exceptional fight and he almost got the pin on more than one occasion, noteably
one after he and Raven managed to suplex Muraco together. Muraco came back as
expected, but the tide turned when the pair opposing him began a series of double
clotheslines which staggered the big man, finally causing him to slump into the ropes
and get his arms tied. There was no escape for Muraco and Jeff Hardy found himself
down two on one. No hope, not even on this night where he'd put in his best
performance in years. They made it quick on Hardy, though not painless, and Raven
finished with the Evenflow. Doubtless though, this one is far from over. *****

We go backstage to Michael Cole.

Cole: "Sean O'Haire, Brian Pillman, the way things are shaping up, this looks like a
very good night for you indeed. Sean, you are into the quarter finals of the King of
the Ring and with big names like Chris Jericho and Hunter Hearst-Helmsley already
out, your time may be at hand."

O'Haire: "It seems almost like destiny is upon us. John Cena is next, a tremendous
wrestler but a man so pre-occupied with an image he can't really live up to, that he
loses track of his own priorities and worries about trying to impress the very people
he claims he hates. Call it what you will, seeking attention that his parents and
peers never gave him, revenge for being unpopular, but his mind won't be where it
should be in this one."

Cole: "Brian Pillman, you meanwhile have the chance of a lifetime, one on one with
Steve Corino for the television championship."

Pillman: "And when you're coughing up vital organs Corino, you'll know that your
time is well and truly up. I told the world we'd become tag team champions and we
are, now I'm telling you that I will finally be a champion in the DWF at the expense
of your belt, and your health too."

Cole: "Thankyou very much guys, we can now go live to Canada for Marty Goldsteins
announcement on who will represent Canada in next months World Cup of Wrestling."

We switch to a dark room where Marty Goldstein sits at the table, surrounded by other
shadowy figures, all holding a hand of cards. Goldstein takes a swig of his cheap
booze and another puff on his Cuban before looking up at the camera and speaking in
a fake Groucho Marx accent.

Goldstein: "While I take these guys to the cleaners, I can now reveal who will
represent Team Canada. I thought about Edge and Christian... I thought about
re-uniting the great Thrillseeker team from Smokey Mountain and having Chris Jericho
and Lance Storm... but then I decided SCREW YOU ALL! I'm picking Chris Benoit and
Owen Hart, because they're real men, not like you bozo Americans. GO CANADA!!"

The crowd watching on the video wall reacts very negatively - evidently Canada won't
have many supporters from the live American crowd next month.

Lance Storm vs Larry Zbyszko (KOTR Semi final)

So for round two, and Lance Storm went head to head with Larry Zbyszko. Storm has
shown a lot of promise lately. Qualifying for the semi finals is no mean feat, as
well as taking Steve Corino to the limit last month and winning the Pride of Canada
tournament at Wrestlefest. Zbyszko meanwhile has a hugely impressive string of wins
against superb opposition. Both men were heavily fancied by many to become the King
of the Ring. Storm was, moreso than Jericho, in tune with Zbyszkos style and the two
engaged in an excellent display of counter wrestling on the mat. Zbyszko soon grew
frustrated and began a more hard hitting approach. When Storm began ducking and
diving that, Coach interjected again, grabbing an ankle as per the last match. Storm
was distracted and Larry lept in with an axehandle. Storm was quicker still and slid
to one side. Zbyszko bounced into the ropes and turned around into a small package,
which Storm held for the three count, to advance into the final. **** 1/4

We go backstage to Michael Cole.

Cole: "Dynamite Kid, later on tonight you get another chance to once again be the
heavyweight champion of the world inside a steel cage."

Dynamite: "The first time was too short Michael Cole, I wanted it to be a long and
glorious reign and I had it snatched away from me by Kidman and Corino. Now that he
doesn't have his entourage with him this time and with there being no escape, I will
have my revenge and I will once again be the world champion of the DWF."

We switch to Sean Mooney who has just caught up with Lance Storm.

Mooney: "Lance Storm, can you give us a quick word for a real DWF broadcast?"

Storm: "Sod off Mooney. Two down, one to go. I don't care whether it's Sean O'Haire
or John Cena, tonight I will be King of the Ring and get that title show, whether
you and your poxy show like it or not."

Storm shoves Mooney aside as we go back to the ring for our second semi-final.

Sean O'Haire vs "Unnecessarily Evil" John Cena (KOTR Semi final)

Our second semi final was always going to be a tight one with John Cena taking on
Sean O'Haire. Both men former Intercontinental Champions, both men also heavily
fancied to take the tournament. Cena had to use all his guile to stay in the game
while O'Haire used his size advantage, as well as his speed to throw Cena around.
Cena had another ace up his sleeve though - or rather down his boot, as he produced
a pair of brass knuckles when the ref didn't have his eyes exactly on the ball and
was able to slow down O'Haires progress. Cena quickly wore O'Haire down, but O'Haire
hasn't become a force for no reason and he was on his way back into the fight. Cena
came up with a second distraction, producing a steel chair from ringside, and when
the ref interjected to remove the offending weapon, Cena got in another shot with
the brass knuckles. Cena began wearing O'Haire down on the mat again, finally
setting up O'Haire for the Eighth Deadly Sin, but O'Haire reversed and landed on his
feet, hitting Cena with a stiff DDT. Cena resorted to the brass knuckles again, but
O'Haire was ready, snatching them away and lining up a shot. The ref, however, wasn't
about to let it go, intervening and removing the weapon from the ring, while Cena
pulled out a second pair of knucks and blasted O'Haire during the distraction. This
time there was no chance for O'Haire, as Cena hit the Eighth Deadly Sin and scored
the pin, advancing to the final. ***

After another commercial, we go to the Kings Court set just across from the entrance
curtain, where King Kanyon stands proud.

Kanyon: "Lowly peasants, bow before your king on this most dignified of shows, the
event that they named after your king. Once you have finished licking his majesties
most royal of royal boots, show your respect for your Intercontinental Champion, The
Rock - Brad Armstrong."

Brads/Rocks music hits up and after the briefest of pauses, the champ steps out to a
round of boos. Stopping to smell the air and look smugly at the masses, Brad strides
confidently over to King Kanyon.

Kanyon: "Brad, his royal highness is most delighted to welcome you onto his show."

Brad: "First of all jabroni, it's The Rock, and second of all, there's only one man
that can pull off talking in third person, and it's The Rock, so get it right before
The Rock sticks his boot up your ass."

Kanyon: "Uhhh, well, OK, but first I wanted to ask you who you're hoping to face next
as Intercontinental Champion?"

Brad: "You stupid piece of monkey crap, these trailer park trash do NOT want to know
who The Rock will be facing next as their Intercontinental Champ, the people want to
know who The Rock thinks will win the next election between President Kerry and
Senator Ventura. Well The Rock says this, he doesn't care about all the controversy
of the last election, the big recount and all that wasting The Rocks time, he's only
interested in the recent controversty involving Kerry and his shenanigans. Well The
Rock has this for you, people in white houses shouldn't throw stones and you should
have known better Kerry than to do anything that only the great one could pull off.
As for Ventura, that monkeys anus wasn't half the man The Rock is in the ring, or
out of it for that matter. The guy should know his role, shut his mouth and realise
that the only man fit enough to run this country is the peoples champion, The Rock...
that is, if The Rock could be bothered to do anything for these roody poo candy
asses. In fact, as far as The Rock is concerned, he takes a big crap over anyone from
Ohio because he says that you're all a bunch of inbred hicks."

Kanyon: "Well... quite, but be that as it may, how does it feel to hold such a title
as prestigious as the Intercontinental title."

Brad: "Know your role King Kong, the people don't want to know how the Rock feels
about some title, the people want to know what The Rock thinks... will be the outcome
of the next Eurovision song contest. Well The Rock says this, not one of these idiots
in Europe can sing, and there isn't anyone in this country that The Rock would rate
either, except himself. And if The Rock had any European blood in him, he'd take time
out of his incredibly busy schedule, fly over to Timbuctoo or wherever the hell it is
and shove their stupid contest up their candy asses when he dazzles them all with his
brilliance."

Kanyon: "But just for those people who are interested, what's next for the
Intercontinental Champion?"

Brad: "What's next? As far as The Rock is concerned, it's who's next - and The Rock
isn't talking like some bald headed jabroni who racks up a winning streak against a
bunch of asswipes who couldn't..."

Kanyon: "Bra...Rock, if you could keep the language to a..."

Brad: "The Rock told you before, IT DOESN'T MATTER... what language The Rock uses, as
a matter of fact, The Rock might just say some stuff that will leave the censors with
sore fingers. Of course, if they dare censor The Rock, it won't be their fingers that
are sore, The Rock'll be dragging their candy asses through a big hedge filled with
a big steaming pile of horse crap, then run them over with The Rocks custom made
limosuine that has a big Brahma Bull painted on the front, then he'll drive back to
the arena, kick the crap out of whichever poor jabroni they line up for The Rock next
and go to bed knowing that the world is a better place."

Kanyon: "So you're going to be defending that belt against all comers?"

Brad: "The Rock doesn't care which opponents commissioner Matt Hardy comes up with
because he absolutely SUCKS, and The Rock will continue to lay the smackdown on
everybodies candy ass one way or another, because he is the peoples champ, if you
smell what The Rock is cooking."

Brad poses for a little longer as we go backstage to Low Ki still in search of some
Guerreros.

Ki: "MANDO! CHAVO! I know you're all around here somewhere."

Suddenly he spies Hector just down the corridor.

Ki: "I don't know what you've done with my belt, but you better..."

Before he can finish, he is floored from behind by a vicious chairshot to the back.
The camera pans over to see Eddie Guerrero.

Eddie: "Hey essa, you want your belt back, well here you go, but you say you want
more challengers to your title, well Los Guerreros will be setting our sights on
your belt homie."

Hector jogs up to Eddie, as Chavo and Mando join the scene. The four of them look
down at Low Ki before walking off smugly.

"The Loose Cannon" Brian Pillman vs Steve Corino (c) (television title)

Brian Pillmans dreams of holding singles gold in the DWF could be realised on this
night as he challenged Steve Corino for the television title. Nerves maybe got to him
from the get go as Corino started off the man in control, and talk of Pillmans dreams
not being achieved set in. Pillman finally got his head together and mounted a
comeback. They don't call him the Loose Cannon for nothing and when he tore into
Corino, he tore into him bad, and began looking for the DDT. Corino did everything
to slide out and push Pillman away each time Pillman went for it, but finally the
move was hooked, the blow was delivered and Corino was out, and the ref counted to
three. Pillman held the gold aloft, but it was at this juncture that the ref saw
Corino with his foot on the ropes, and the match was restarted. Replays quickly
showed the controversy of the decision as Corino got his foot on the ropes just as
the refs hand hit the mat for a third time - a split second before, or barely
afterwards? That's one which will be studied for weeks. Pillman didn't let up and
continued the offence, only for Corino to shove Pillman right into the ref. Ref down
and Corino suddenly in control. The champ sensed the desperation of the match and
went out to grab the belt. Taking a swing at Pillman, the challenger ducked, whipped
the title away and waffled Corino with the gold. Corino spun round, staggered by the
blow and a second DDT was delivered. One, two, three... four, five, six, seven, you
could have counted all night, but no referee was present. Pillman was starting to
lose his mind with this match and hauled the ref up and shook him around angrily.
One thing he must have forgotten is that Steve Corino is NOT a man to turn your back
on. Boom, the Old School Expulsion was hit, and NOBODY kicks out of that, and slowly
the groggy ref counted to deliver the three, and Corino had retained. ****

As Steve Corino celebrates with the belt, Brian Pillman comes to and clearly upset
about his luck in this match, grabs the ref and throws him down, before sliding out
to grab a chair. Corino is unaware of all this, as he continues to show off his title
and he doesn't see Pillman sliding back into the ring, chair in hand. Sure enough,
Pillman cracks it across Corinos back, leaving the champ laid out. Pillmans eyes grow
large and he beams almost a little insanely, as he drives the chair into Corinos
back again, before setting it up over his leg, seemingly for a "Pillmaniser". Pillman
heads up top and looks set to jump off, before several officials rush in to stop
anything happening. Billy Kidman runs in too and quickly removes the chair from
around Corinos leg.

As officials check on Corino, Pillman slides out and grabs a second chair and this
one finds its way onto the back of Kidman, as Pillman lays him out as well, before
throwing several officials down. Then, in a final act of rage, he sets up Corino for
another Pillmaniser, this time across his left arm and heads up top. Kidman crawls to
his feet and sees what's happening, but can't do anything as Pillman leaps off and
lands right on the chair. Corino screams out in pain and Kidman dives in to check on
his fallen comrade, but Pillman doesn't seem to care, looking very proud of his
actions, as he throws down a few more officials. Pillman even receives a pretty good
pop for his efforts, as he walks out, smiling proudly, if a little scarily. Those
officials untouched by Pillman check on Corino as we go backstage to Michae Cole.

Cole: "Devastating stuff happening in the ring. Up next, the official debut of these
two men, Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier, La Resistance... so guys, another anti
American tag team, right?"

Dupree: "Wait, what are you talking about?"

Grenier: "We LOVE America."

Cole: "Y... you do?"

Dupree: "Sure, how could we 'ate a country that brought us Jerry Lewis?"

Grenier: "Or bowling shoes?"

Dupree: "Or Iggy Pop?"

Grenier: "No no no, Michael Cole, you 'ave it all wrong, we like America."

Dupree: "We are just 'ere to return the favour. It seems America is not familiar
with the traditions of France."

Grenier: "No, we like to flavour our food with garlic, and read poetry by the
moonlight and 'ang around our beds... garlic. We just don't understand why the
American public don't take in some of our culture in which we are clearly superior
to every other country in the world."

Dupree: "Even Canada."

Cole: "So... let me get this straight, you're here to teach America about how great
France is?"

Dupree: "Exactly, we are doing our bit for American-France relations. We understand
they are a bit shaky right now after that... accidental bombing last year."

Grenier: "We were aiming for Cuba."

Dupree: "Yes, so we want to cheer everyone up and get them to love France again."

Cole: "Uh-huh, good luck with that. We better head back to ringside."

And to the ring, La Resistance make their entrance and unsurprisingly aren't too
warmly received, especially when they start dancing. Dupree grabs a mic.

Dupree: "We noticed that you people turned out to support La Resistance today, and
that makes us glad. But we noticed that while you good people look great, you could
do with looking just a little more sophisticated."

Dupree receives a round of boos.

Grenier: "No no no, it is not an insult, we are just saying, that is all. Just a
LITTLE more sophisticated, so we're going to do something very 'onourable, and throw
our finest BERETS into the crowd so two lucky individuals can cross the line between
the typical American look..."

Another round of boos.

Dupree: "No no no, we were not criticising, we are just trying to say that you all
look typically American, that's a good thing, but it is not quite as artistic as the
French look. So Sylvain, if you will..."

Both men remove their berets and hurl them about three rows into the crowd. Well,
they weren't designed for throwing. Hayabusa and Tajiri quickly save us from this
little spiel and we quickly get underway.

Hayabusa & Tajiri vs La Resistance

La Resistances official debut saw them take on Japanese duo Hayabusa and Tajiri. The
Busa/Tajiri team is an underrated one, but on this night it wasn't to be. La
Resistance did a great job of showcasing themselves. Grenier grounded Hayabusa on the
outside with what we believe is his finisher, the Coup de Grace, while Dupree got the
duke inside the ring with the French Riviera. Impressive stuff to kick off their
DWF careers. ** 3/4

We go backstage to Michael Cole.

Cole: "John Cena, we briefly heard from Lance Storm again earlier, what are your
thoughts before the big final."

Cena: "Michael Cole, I just added an extra surprise for Lance Storm."

Cole: "Oh Jesus Christ..."

Cena: "I borrowed Dean Malenkos mobile phone and texted Lance Storm to tell him that
Ken Shamrocks milkman has died. Now Storm will be too worried about his tag team
partners calcium levels to care about this match."

Cole: "Seriously?"

Cena: "Absolutely. And then I threw the phone down a well. Now my evil plot reaches
its final stage, the match itself. Lance Storm, you've lived in the doldrums for too
long to be considered a threat to the most unnecessarily evil force in wrestling, it
is now time for the reign of the evil to begin."

Cena walks off confidently as we go to Matt Hardys office, where he is with the
Young Lions.

Hardy: "Don't worry Joey, there'll be other shots for you."

Matthews: "I'm not worried now. We've done some investigating since and we think we
may be on to something."

Hardy: "Go on."

Matthews: "Remember how we wanted to check the cinder block for fingerprints?"

Hardy: "As I said, that wouldn't work."

York: "Yeah, but last night, we were reading our copies of the big detectives
handbook, and there's some stuff in there about DNA testing."

Matthews: "That's right. We figured that there should be two sets of DNA on there.
There's a little blood stain and scalp fragments, that'll be yours, but somewhere
else on there, there should be some traces of the culprits DNA. We sent it off for
testing and the lab said they'd let us know in four to six weeks."

Hardy: "Four to six weeks? I thought it took a couple of hours."

York: "We didn't have enough Milk Tray to bribe them with."

Hardy: "Well, keep me informed."

Matthews: "Jody Fleisch will be done in no time, then we can go about having him
fired once and for all."

Hardy: "Yes.... yes...."

Hardy muses as the Young Lions run off singing their entrance theme, as we hit the
ring for our big final.

King of the Ring Final Match: Lance Storm vs "Unnecessarily Evil" John Cena

So our King of the Ring final saw John Cena taking on another former Intercontinental
Champion, Lance Storm. Storm rushed Cena at the start, taking him off his feet and
pounding him on the mat. This time, Cena had nothing tucked away as the ref checked
his person thoroughly at the outset, and perhaps time was running out on Cena. Then
again, he's not a man to be counted out as he mounted a comeback after catching
Storm with a hotshot and began pummeling him on the mat. Things were looking
desperate for Storm, until he avoided a top rope legdrop from Cena. Storm suddenly
found the opening he needed and began focusing on Cenas legs. After a big backdrop
though, Cena collapsed to the mat, grasping at his left knee. Rolling away
frantically from Cena, the ref stopped Storms assault to check the injury and had
to usher an eager Storm away several times. Finally, Storm walked away to get his
wind, and that was the chance Cena was looking for. Springing up, revealing his
possum playing tactics, he caught Storm with his back turned and lifted him straight
into the Eighth Deadly Sin. One, two, three, it was all over and Unnecessarily Evil
John Cena was crowned the seventh King of the Ring. **** 1/4

John Cena clambers to his feet after a hard fought match and raises his arms
triumphantly. He quickly leaves the ring and heads to the Kings Court set where King
Kanyon is waiting to do the coronation.

Kanyon: "Ladies and gentlemen, one would like you to give praise to the 2007 King of
the Ring, Unnecessarily Evil John Cena!"

Cena stands proudly, arms raised, getting somewhat of a mixed reaction.

Kanyon: "Mr. Cena, congratulations. It takes a king to know a king and I know we are
in the presence of one of the great King of the Rings. At this point, one would have
presented you with the robe, sceptre and crown, but it seems you stole them earlier
today and sold them to pay for a mercenary to go round Juventud Guerreras house and
smash his reasons... uhhh, did you have a reason for that?"

Cena: "Not really."

Kanyon: "Well, since we don't have any props, I proclaim that ye, John Cena, are the
2007 King of the Ring. What words do you have for your first proclomation as king?"

Cena: "Simply put King Kanyon, I want to put a message out to whoever walks out of
here tonight as the world champion. Last year, I was the uncrowned heavyweight
champion at this very event, and now I've been crowned in a different sense, the
signs are all saying that I will be, this time next month, the new champion of the
world, and if you don't agree with that, I'll steal all your shoes and sell them for
crack."

Kanyon: "Well, with that, your King of the Ring, John Cena!"

Cenas music hits up again and Cena signals to the crowd that he intends to be the
next champion, as we go backstage for the final time, to Michael Cole.

Cole: "Billy Kidman, a tough night for you so far, but things are about to get
tougher inside a steel cage."

Kidman: "First of all, let me make this very clear. I have Clarence Mason drawing up
a subpoena as we speak to be issued to Brian Pillman for his actions tonight. What
happened was a travesty, Steve was put in unsafe working conditions so we might have
to sue the DWF as a whole too. Today started off so well, we settled out of court
with the Miracle Violence Connection for their reckless vandalism last week, but now
something like this happens. I can't help but admit I'm a little distracted. And
Matt Hardy, you didn't want Steve Corino at ringside? You got what you wanted, THIS
is what you wanted. You make me sick you poor excuse for a man and a commissioner.
But if anyone out there expects this to result in a title change, don't worry. As a
result of this, I am more focused than ever. Dynamite Kid will now be a victim of the
single most brutal LEGAL assault in all history. What happened last month was a fluke
but the wrongs have been righted, and when the whole world sees me with MY world
title belt held high and Dynamite face down in a pool of his own blood, there will
be no doubt who is the worlds heavyweight champion."

Kidman confidently walks off as we head once more to ringside.

Dynamite Kid vs Billy Kidman (c) (world heavyweight title, steel cage match)

As wa expected, Billy Kidman and Dynamite Kid took it to one another from the outset
of their match for the world title, inside a steel cage. A lot of people expected
Kidman to play it cautiously, but after the events of earlier, he was on a mission.
Kidman seemed to edge Dynamite in the speed department, but this time, it wasn't
really enough for Dynamites strength advantage, as he set about trying to brutalise
Kidman, using the confines of the cage to his advantage. Kidman was forced several
times over to eat the steel, and was soon left a bloody mess, exactly what he had
just predicted of his opponent. Still, for all his personality faults, Kidman was
showing endurance and staying power, as he refused to let Dynamite take the win
easily. Dynamite started off by going for the pin, but after three or four near falls
that weren't realised despite Kidmans battered state, he began heading for the door
or over the top. These small delays as Dynamite tried to make his escape slowly
allowed Kidman to recover to a degree and mount a fightback. Soon it was Dynamite
finding himself face first in the walls of the cage. Still it wasn't enough as Kidman
couldn't keep Dynamites shoulders down, and he resorted to going up. Perhaps his ego
though got to him, or maybe with all the headshots he was taking, he wasn't thinking
straight but as he reached the top of the cage, victory in sight, he saw Dynamite
lying prone on the mat and sensing an opportunity for a true highlight reel moment,
went for the Shooting Star Press. A highlight reel moment it was, but not in the
manner that Kidman was hoping, as Dynamite dragged himself out of the way and Kidman
missed what would have been a perfect delivery. Now it was Kidman lying face down in
his own blood and Dynamite headed up and over the top. But it wasn't quite to be, as
out ran the Miracle Violence Connection, who grabbed Dynamite as he was on his way to
the floor and pinned him against the side of the cage. Dynamite had very little
strength yet and was unable to struggle free. Speaking of struggling, Billy Kidman
arose somewhat and instinctively crawled towards the door while Gordy and Williams
kept tabs on Dynamite and made sure his feet didn't hit the ground. Sure enough,
Kidman flopped out of the door and onto the floor, to be declared the winner. Whether
he really knew about it was another matter, but the fact remains that he is still
the world heavyweight champion. **** 1/4
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
King of the Ring history

2001 Winner: Chris Benoit, Runner-up: Booker T
2002 Winner: Devon Storm, Runner-up: Tully Blanchard
2003 Winner: Doug Furnas, Runner-up: Christian
2004 Winner: Jerry Lynn, Runner-up: Brad Armstrong
2005 Winner: Dean Malenko, Runner-up: Chris Benoit
2006 Winner: Steve Corino, Runner-up: Raven
2007 Winner: John Cena, Runner-up: Lance Storm
teddy1221Posted on 11/12/04 at 11:41:11

Kid Kash eaten!! That is too funny. Good show.  Weird to see Paul Roma's name pop up. Looks like the fed has been going strong for a while.
Snabbit888Posted on 11/13/04 at 06:11:02

A quality show.  I wish I hadn't changed my picks... originally I had Cena winning the tournament but then I second guessed myself and fucked it up.  I have failed you, 91. :(

The stuff with Pillman was very well done.  He absolutely lost it.  I wonder if Corino is going to miss any time because of the Pillmanizer, and I wonder what Sean O'Haire is going to have to say about all of this.

Billy Kidman pulls it off again, sneaking by Dynamite Kid.  He's so dastardly.

And I totally marked out when I read Sean Mooney and his PANCAKE INTENSITY!  That's why you're my favorite person in the whole wide world who refers to himself by a number.